That is why I wrote the following: I think we need a laugh. To be serious for a moment, don't we need to start thinking about women's rights?
Lysistrata on Parliament Hill
ChorusOfOne played by ?
Lysistrata played by ?
Lysistrata: I tell you, we should just take over parliament.
ChorusOfOne: But the plan. You promised!
Lysistrata: Oh, alright. You announce me.
ChorusOfOne: I do the proclamation, you do the oath.
Lysistrata: OK. But I still say we ducktape all the buggers and stuff socks in their mouths.
ChorusOfOne: Never mind. I'm going to start. (addresses crowd:)
ChorusOfOne: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the woman we *all* know and love, please give it up for: Lysistrata!
Somebody turn off that stupid applause sign! (waits for quiet) (crowd goes silent after sign is extinguished) I would first like to make a special request to certain of our Citizens:
(from scroll) Calling all Wives, Girlfriends, and Lovers. OF: ...Male Neurologists. Of Male Politicians, Federal and Provincial. Of Prime Ministers of Canada and the United Kingdom. And of Male MS Society Executives. Please come to the Aid of your Sisters with MS. We ask a Terrible favour of you: we need you to ...Deny Sex to your usual partners, these husbands, lovers, and so on. Without Any Exception. Unless and Until they will All Give Unequivocal Consent, that MS patients will get CCSVI Surgery. All of them. Now. Recalcitrance must be met with more. Sorry Sisters. But it's for a Good Cause. It should not take long. Thank you for this favour and your assistance. Now, please repeat after Lysistrata, the Oath of Sexual Conditions and Remedial Chastity:
(One line at a time, waiting for the Chorus to repeat each line after her:)
Lysistrata: (from scroll) (parenthetically): "The Liberation" is the name of the CCSVI operation that will relieve MS symptoms of women Near and Far.
Now you must all repeat after me.
To neurologist or politician I will not open arms
Though fancy and denial raise his charms
In bed at home, ignoring him I'll stay
Beautiful, dressed in saffron silks all day
And if he dares to pluck with me by force
I'll give him a good reason for remorse
I'll never lie and stare up at the ceiling
(Chorus pauses before repeating)
Or ever do it doggy style or kneeling
(Chorus starts shuddering, stuttering)
If I keep faith, my sisters will get treated
And if I don't, our Cause will be Defeated
(chorus louder here:)
The *only* way he'll get what he Desires
(Chorus getting louder:)
The *only* way he'll quench his Raging Fires
(back to original level:)
Is that in spite of wealth and reputation
(crescendo, Lysistrata and Chorus, together')
He will agree with *Women's* *Liberation*!
(optional) neurologists wives, wives of politicians, Harper's wife, MS exec wives, all on separate screens
(this is the first time their monitors have worked, so they have not heard anything)
Lysistrata: Say after me: "We agree."
(women on screens) "We agree."
(tvs all go dead)
ChorusOfOne: (aside) I think we should mention the soldiers.
Lysistrata: Oh, yes. (louder:) The Oath must not be used to prevent any activity involving a member of our military forces. In fact you are all advised that unmarried members of the forces, especially those now or formerly in Afghanistan, are excellent choices, to substitute for the banished male personages. Full and thorough use should be made of this Valuable National Resource.
ChorusOfOne: There, I hope that does it. Now, did you say you knew where to find some soldiers?
Lysistrata: A whole bunch of them. But you'll have to wait till I'm finished with them. Could take a while. Why don't you just call it a night and I'll
tell them where to meet you tomorrow. OK? You'll be much more satisfied, really. They'll have had a night's sleep, and they'll be much fresher.
Lysistrata: (to the crowd) And if any of you gentlemen become desperate for a rendezvous, I do have a couple of "pointers" I'd like to lay on you. But I can't. My Oath. Sorry, guys.