The other thing I wanted to say is that grief counseling may be in order for both people. Andmaybe for kids too, if they're able. Unexpressed grief can affect a huge part of life.
My husband thought he was signing up for a vibrant, funny, athletic, intense, incredibly energetic person who never quit. A major part of our relationship was based on a person and on activities ghat just honestly don't exist anymore.
I go through this too. Our oldest daughter gies through this. She considers herself a child of the wilderness. Right after she wasborn we took a hiking trip through the porcupine mountains. We have all these funny photos of this newborn under mosquito netting to keep off the black flies.
I played basketball unroll the say before I gave birth to my second child. We went on a three-month wilderness tri right after I was diagnosed; I kept trying to find out if I have the record for injecting avonex at the highest altitude on the Rockies
. we took toddlers whitewater rafting, etc.
But it changed so fast, I changed so fast, and within two years I was not recognizable as the same person -superficially- at least. And he left.
I can see that there would be real grief at losing the person you thought you would spend your life with, when it turns out to be an exhausted shadow who can't even walk, let alone hike the Appalachian tral, etc.
There is the same grief for me, my children, our parents, extended family, etc. Counseling would help address it.
Very complex. I don't know if I am helping, I am just trying to think of some things that may be going on for you to consider.
I wish you all the very best. Lease do nit forget your child's need to have a place to express, even if all you do is hand over a journal and say, here, sometimes I feel better if itake all the stuff inside me and put it all here instead.
Take care of yourself -- good luck!