I don't know what to do> Guess I am just reaching out to see if anyone else has had similar experiences. I have a boyfriend who is so supportive in terms of doing things for me. He does the cooking, shopping, takes care of the house. His support allows me to focus on my job and finishing my degree. I do a lot, despite weakness, fatigue, and limited walking ability. I work full time, take two night classes per week, and commute at least 110 km a day. I am very, very busy. I can only do all of this because of my bf.
However, while he does all of this, he seems very resentful. He cannot name one single thing he likes about being with me. Instead he tells me how frustrated he is that he has to do everything for me. I ask what he wants me to do, and he can't come up with anything. I don't know what to do. He seems to have no respect for me. When I stay in and study all weekend, he seems irritated that I am "laying around". He never actually calls me lazy, but I get the distinct impression that he thinks I am. I am just trying to concentrate on things I can still do well, like studying or reading, or organizing bills, or anything I can do online. I do my best to maximize my usefulness in these ways, rather than wearing myself out with physical tasks.
I know he does an awful lot, I pay a cleaning person to come once a week, and I often suggest that we order in rather than him cooking, but he is insistent about doing things, and then annoyed at me, if for example I expect to be able to have a meaningful conversation about anything. He takes it as disrespectful if I speak when he doesn't feel like talking (which is always, for certain subjects) I generally try to avoid discussing MS and how it affects me, because I sense he doesn't want to talk about it. If I talk about fatigue, he gets irritated because he has a physical job and says that I think he will never be as tired as me. I have said many times that I don't think that.
I feel like this constant tension is probably worse for me than not having someone do things for me. Honestly, he constantly compares me to a child who he has to pick up after. Its humiliating to feel so dependent on another person. Especially someone who thinks you are selfish and helpless.
Has anyone else been through this? I feel totally misunderstood all of the time, and when I try to talk to him about it, it leads to a fight. As soon as I bring up the subject, he says "oh, I see you want to fight" and there is nothing I can say or do to make him understand that I just want to talk about the situation.
I guess maybe this is just regular relationship problems, but it seems to focus almost entirely on my dependance on him. I feel like, if I just had the energy to do more around the house, than things would be better. Its just that I can't do that AND everything else, and I would rather focus on earning a living, even if it means letting the house be messy. I just can't do the superman thing that many people do. He works 60 hours a week and comes home and does stuff around the house, I just can't do that. Instead I work 50 hours a week and then come home and do homework. That doesn't require walking,standing, or balance.
Has anyone else been through this?? All I have is healthy friends who just don't understand, so I don't talk to them about these things. I feel so alone.