This Is MS Multiple Sclerosis Community: Knowledge & Support

Hi there

I just wanted to share this great poem that I read, hope it touches someone else, as it did me :



After A While

by Veronica A. Shoffstall




After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn

that love doesn't mean leaning

and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child

and you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is

too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down

in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone

to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

you really are strong

you really do have worth

and you learn

and you learn

with every goodbye, you learn...

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Al

lovely poem there i really like it thanks for sharing it with us..

chris

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waiting for answers

I am at work, literally crying. That was awesome. Thank you very much.

Hi there Chris and Loobie

Yeah - I really liked it - especially the bit about planting your own garden and decorating your own soul....So glad it touched a cord with someone else. Thanks for the feedback, being new to the site, I wasn't sure it was an appropriate post.
Have a good weekend.....

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Al

The part that got me was "with every goodbye you learn". Saying goodbye to things I got great satisfaction out of has been my hardest challenge as I imagine it is for most. And to also think about saying goodbye to the life that you had, the plans that you had, the physical things you had planned on doing in your retirement. All of it. It's just a bitch, but that one phrase makes me look at it a little different and really stresses how futile it is to fight the inevitable like I do.

Yeah Loobie, that really resonates with me too. This is a crappy situation for any of us to be in - it is not fair to so struck down in the prime of your life, but it is still life, and can be a good one, if you concentrate on what you have got and what you can do. But no platitudes will make this go away, but we can still enjoy thought provoking and beautiful words, which is a blessing - someone can reach us and understand. That's something.

Take care

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Al

Man you have a great attitude. And you are right, it is still life. I mean at least we had the 30 or so years that we had, some are born into a wheelchair. I guess we ought to feel blessed about what we do have that's for sure because some don't ever have the chance to kick a soccer ball or run or take a walk. Good thoughts.

Hi Loobie

Thanks, but I don't really - I have bad days just like the next person, this disease really does rob you and it is very, very hard not to get sucked into that.
But at bottom, I believe that it will rob us of any joy and whatever else we may be able to get out of the next 30 years or so, if we let it screw up our emotions and relationships with those that matter to us - and it musn't stop us from making whatever kind of contribution we can - even if it is just to interact!
Take care and maybe we can cheer each other up on those bad days...

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Al

I second what Loobie said Ally by the way whats your EDSS.

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Had ms for over 19 years now.

Hi Robbie

Again thanks for that.
Take care

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Al

Ally,

I am only a 3, and about half the time 3.5, and my neuro. is also telling me that maybe I am SPMS. I'm not really sure at this point that I care if it's RR or SP. I have never had symptoms (real ones) go away after they rear their head. I have some transient tingling and numbness that comes and goes, but for the bladder, bowels, eyes, balance, and vertigo, once they showed up they were here to stay. I really don't know if that makes me SP, but like I said I don't really care since it would be futile and counter productive to agonize over that.

We sound very much alike in the things we are trying to "do". I am also figuring out how I am going to remain the joyful spirit I've always been while my body deteriorates. I'm not finding any easy answers, but I must try incredibly hard because I don't want to transfer my struggles to my 11 year old daughter. I can still laugh and crack a joke and be a good time, but figuring out a way to obtain peace of mind with MS is going to be an enormous challenge. I am a Christian but have never been one of those that could just put everything in that basket and suddenly be ok with it all. I feel like I have a much bigger role in it all.

On those good days I think I have it figured out, but then a real shite day happens and it's back to the drawing board. I think I need to forgive myself for having MS. That sounds odd, but there is a feeling of guilt that accompanies all this for me since "I look so normal" except when I'm walking into walls and furniture. It's almost like I can't accept it all until it really puts me down. In other words it's like I expect myself to be able to do more even when I can't. I really need to take stock and forgive myself for not being able to do what I cannot do.

Thanks for being there. I really relate to your posts.

Lew

Hi All

All the best to everyone, thanks for reading my post/poem...

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Al

hi ally, it's so understandable to have the blues. and also to have the wind out of your sails a bit that it was a bit too easy. that's good that they are not making you jump through hoops though!

i'm sure all kinds of doors to personal validation will be throwing themselves open to you in no time! take care
JL

Thanks JL for listening and taking time.

I am sure I will adjust, it is just such a big change, and I am a girl you enjoys a good fight! i am a bit scared about fading away and no longer being part of thr world, but I guess that is up to me to make sure it doesn't happen...i know intellectually that I am lucky and that many people would love to be in my shoes (especially given what you folks in the States sometimes have to go through), so I have no right to be a bit lost, just battling a bit emotionally, but will get there.

Thanks again for all your support - you are a real good person

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Al

hey there
for me i found stuff to do that if i couldnt work at all..which just to let ya know would make me lose my mind.....i am sooo use to working.....i would be working more with the boyscouts as a volunteer and maybe spend more time with my kids and then i would take a long vacation somewhere to relax and renew my feelings with the change..if that makes any sense....i know its only like 730 here in the morning...and i have only had one cup of coffee...so please pay no attention to the rambling of this half asleep women..lol.....i am sure you are strong and will do well with the new possiblitys you have before you...

chris

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waiting for answers