need non-ms advice!

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need non-ms advice!

Postby jimmylegs » Sun Nov 25, 2007 9:40 am

ok this is weird, but in the last month i ran across trace of something that i am 99.999% sure is mine, that went missing about 17 years ago. i knew at the time that somebody in my circle of friends was lying to me about it, but not who.

now i think i know. it arose because it got sent from party A to party B, and they were communicating publicly about it.

I talked to B and asked if he could return it to A via me, so i could find out if it was mine in the process. B said okay.

Then A asked B for the object back directly, and I don't even know if A knows that I know about it. i have a feeling A will get it. so if he does, how can i approach A to retrieve?

i might be able to prove that it's mine, but i'd have to get my hands on it first. it's sentimental value only. how should i approach A if i haven't hardly seen these people since this thing got taken from me more than 15 years ago??

upset-and-confused-legs
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Postby AllyB » Sun Nov 25, 2007 12:26 pm

Hey JL

It is really upsetting to think that people close to you may not be loyal, and if this object is indeed yours, then what person A did was stealing! Not a pretty label, but accurate. You are feeling guilty for suspecting this, but your instinct is telling you that this is what probably happened.

It is a tough position to be in, but if person A has nothing to hide, they should have no problem showing you the object in question. I realise that your issue is how to raise this topic without implying theft (just in case you are wrong), and also maybe because you are not supposed to know about it....
You have a few options - try to get B to show you the object before it is returned to A, call A and just chat and catch up, casually mention that you have heard that they have such-and-such and object, and pretend nostalgia and just ask if you can see it (memories and all that).
Or if you don't value any relationship with A, and the communication between A and B was public (you are not breaching a confidence), then an outright request to see the object as you feel it might be familiar would not cause you to lose any friends...My feeling is that if they are innocent, they would be upset but eager to show you the object to prove you are wrong, if they are guilty they would also be angry (at being caught!), but would use 'righteous' indignation as an excuse to not show you the object as they would know you would recognise it - they would turn your guilt at asking back on you 'how can you think that" etc, but they would refuse you access to the object and say that you have no right to ask....
It is a really difficult position to be in and I am sorry you are experiencing th emotional distress of it - I hope it gets resolved soon.
Best of luck!
Al
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Postby jimmylegs » Sun Nov 25, 2007 2:26 pm

thanks for answering, ally. yea, i asked some cautious questions and B has pretty much confirmed that it is mine as much as possible without my seeing it. the description matches so closely.

i was definitely trying to get B to send this to me and i would happily pass it on to A if it was not mine. but this might not happen.
i'm afraid it's too late to intercept between B and A.

it's not really a surprise that A turned out to be the culprit, but to give him the max benefit of the doubt, MAYBE it was passed to him by a C, or D thru Z, who knows?? however, i think anyone who looks at it knows it's mine immediately, it's got me written all over it, in a way!

i guess it's just wait and see. maybe B has sent it to me after all. i just don't think so!

why are there mean thieves in the world??? the stupid thing about all of this was A could have ASKED me for one and i could have easily shared in the first place. what the hell is wrong with some people!?!?!
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Postby AllyB » Sun Nov 25, 2007 3:51 pm

Hi Jl

So sorry that you are in this difficult position - it is so unfair of people to do this! Most people are good (or their intentions are!), but you do get some meanies who just make the rest of us feel ill by their actions - but this is their bad Karma (for want of a better word), and you know that you are a good person, and the meanies can take advantage of that.
Sometimes you have to choose between being right and being happy - depending on how important being right (or the principle) is to you. If you choose to be right, then you may get stressed over this, but it will be worth it in the end to your conscience. If you choose to be happy, then you will let it go (it is their bad deed) and move on, not letting it negatively affect you.
Only you know how important this is to you....Sometimes you have to be right, sometimes you have to be happy.
I apply this principle often when dealing with my very irrational and overly emotional mother-in-law! It helps reduce the stress and lets me maintain emotional harmony!
All the best with your tough decision, you will do what feels right to you, but get rid of the negative emotional stress, you have so much on your plate with studies, ms etc...
Take care
Al
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Postby jimmylegs » Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:20 pm

that is great advice ally! they say canadians are nice and all, and sure many are - but i have had to turn the other cheek so often over the years... people borrowing my guitar then pawning it, house guests stealing heirloom jewelry and personally sentimental items, an ex-boyfriend teaming up on me with someone to steal money, people sneakily selling off things i was storing for friends, bartering my own stuff away when i'm not around, borrowing things from me and returning them broken, everything under the sun right down to the time somebody maliciously cut off my poor kitten's whiskers. mind you that last sweet character was from the US! and all that is just the tip of the crapberg. not to say that there have not been examples of great people in my life too!

it just seems to me like there has never been anything i could do but walk away when people take advantage, and this is the first time there has even been a remote chance of getting something back! i hope B helps me out, it would be one nice return to make up for all the losses. i'll keep my fingers crossed for now, but if it has to go the way of all those other things, so be it!
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