Attitude of Gratitude

A forum to talk about the general challenges of daily life with MS.

Postby Artifishual » Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:32 pm

A tough read for anyone Lew. I feel you. I wish I had ms and no one else ever had to go through the things we do. I'm sorry your having a bad time. It's good to accept certain things even if you don't really want to. Take care of yourself.
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Postby Loobie » Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:44 pm

Thanks brother.
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Postby catfreak » Tue Jun 30, 2009 7:34 pm

Lew,

Wow, once again you just amaze me with your honesty and integrity. I am in awe of you.

I am sorry that you are having such a crappy relapse. I pray the left overs go away soon and you are functioning better. This old MS stuff we go through is just not fair!! ( I am stomping my foot and pounding my fist) Why? why? why?

You did not quote the next line of the Jagger tune: "But you get what you need" Which takes you to God not being interested in our comfort but in our character. He gives us what we need to get through each day.

And I have a feeling if you are anything like me you will never freaking relax! We just don't seem to do that well at all. Lew, "It is what it is"!! :roll: and we will get through this, but we don't have to be OK with it, we can still fight it. Look to the future and pray for better thing to come.

Cat
Holly - Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd

9/3/09 Stanford - Dr Dake - Stent in R-J to unblock Arachnoid Cyst in Sigmoid Sinus. Stent in narrowed L-J. Balloon in narrowing where R & L Jugulars meet.
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Postby Loobie » Wed Jul 01, 2009 3:08 am

Thanks CF,

I'm not feeling any physically better today, but I am feeling better. That writing that stuff is just how I process. It's like bloodletting for me. When I was a young adult in the early-mid 80's, the therapy craze was still going strong. I was having some issues with my parents splitting up and that and I used to go to group therapy. Well think what you want about that whole psycho-babble era of all that progressive therapy, but I really responded to it. If you were open and honest and could really share and "get it out" in front of others, it really helped. Me anyway and I guess this is somewhat of the same thing for me. I symbolically scream and yell and beat the hell out of the whipping post and when I'm done I feel relieved. It just the way it works for me.

I remember a few times just fully letting it go and the group would all come and hug you and be supportive and all that kumbaya crap, but I gave into it to give it a try and to date I don't know a better way to process but to lay it out there; be it rational, justified or whatever, just get it out. I'm so scared to let emotions and stuff build up inside of me because I saw some truly emotionally constipated people in there that wouldn't go for it and they would just stay stuck. I guess it's like any approach to anything. If you do it all out, it can work. If you do it half assed, it won't. So this is my mental health thread for sure. I picture us all sitting around a big ass couch and just letting it fly. I would LOVE to do that with a group of us sometime. That would be something. Thanks for the well wishes. I actually think the 'roids might not have knocked that whole relapse down, but I didn't pee the bed last night, so maybe things are calming down. I sure hope so but I think this one knocked my baseline peg down a notch.
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Postby catfreak » Wed Jul 01, 2009 6:19 am

Lew,

I would love group therapy! That would be right up my alley. I am what you call "emotionally constipated" (love that term) :) I hold it all in because I don't want to upset the balance in my world. Of course you know I am just kidding myself because there is no control or balance in my life anymore. But, I don't want to upset those around me. I have been told in the past that I am "too good for my own good".

My oldest son left a suicide note when he was 14. Very sad time in my life. Thank God we had everyone looking for him and a friend, who I am forever indebted to, talked to him and we got him into the car and me and my Mom drove 2 hours with him kicking and screaming to the nearest psych hospital and had him admitted. At that time that was the hardest and most heart breaking thing I had ever done. He hated me for a long time. I did what I had to do, we went through many many many months of outpatient therapy and he even went back to the same hospital on his own when he was 18. I tried so hard to be a good mother and I never could get his wanting to die out of my head. What had I done to him that made him want to leave me behind. :cry: :cry: :cry:

Any way, I learned in the me and Dustin therapy that it was not my fault and he really did not hate me, but it sure seemed like he enjoyed hurting me with his words. Words, as you have shown here, are a very powerful tool. I have said before my words can encourage others but they can also discourage others. I never want to discourage others. I know what it is like to be beat down by someone else's words. My 1st husband and the father of both my boys was verbally and emotionally abusive. I got out after 5 years of abuse. Now, I have a wonderful husband of 25 years who has been more of a father to my boys that their own flesh was.

Anywho, a long post that did not make much sense. I am known by my friends a someone who speaks my mind and tells it like it is. I have even been called bossy and pushy by some. That therapy helped me learn to do that. But when it comes to my family I am truly "emotionally constipated" and find it hard to "poop". I don't think this helps my MS much. I can even say it has led to relapses in the past.

But, I just don't know how to get past it. That is why I am so thankful for everyone here on the site. You do not judge me or shun me or label me because we all suffer the same freaking, sometimes unbearable disease.

Cat
Holly - Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd

9/3/09 Stanford - Dr Dake - Stent in R-J to unblock Arachnoid Cyst in Sigmoid Sinus. Stent in narrowed L-J. Balloon in narrowing where R & L Jugulars meet.
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Postby Lyon » Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:41 am

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Last edited by Lyon on Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby catfreak » Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:31 am

Sorry Lyon,

I was babbling in that post. We have had somewhat of a happy ending. He is now 29 years old and on disability due to a car accident when he was 16. That child made so many mistakes in his teen years. His life is forever changed because of poor choices. He has had several back surgeries and had to have a hip replacement at the age of 25. On top of that he inherited a disorder from me that caused AVM's to form in his lungs. He has had 2 AVM's - 1 in each lung and one scare all required surgery. I had my AVM's form in infancy and had part of both lungs removed before the age of 2. His only require something like a stent to be implanted.

He is a wonderful young man who still has some issues. But he is very caring and loving. He helps me with my Mom all the time. In that respect his disability has been a blessing in disguise.

Sorry for not telling the whole story, which would require a book.

Cat
Holly - Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd

9/3/09 Stanford - Dr Dake - Stent in R-J to unblock Arachnoid Cyst in Sigmoid Sinus. Stent in narrowed L-J. Balloon in narrowing where R & L Jugulars meet.
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Postby Lyon » Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:36 am

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Last edited by Lyon on Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby catfreak » Wed Jul 01, 2009 6:00 pm

Lyon wrote:

It's a shame we aren't given a manual early on!


There's a freakin' manual!!!!

Cat :lol: :lol:
Holly - Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd

9/3/09 Stanford - Dr Dake - Stent in R-J to unblock Arachnoid Cyst in Sigmoid Sinus. Stent in narrowed L-J. Balloon in narrowing where R & L Jugulars meet.
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Postby robbie » Sat Jul 11, 2009 3:14 pm

grateful for pot....
Had ms for over 19 years now.
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Postby robbie » Sun Jul 12, 2009 5:51 pm

Image
grateful for nice days on the lake 8)
Had ms for over 19 years now.
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Postby Lyon » Sun Jul 12, 2009 6:00 pm

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Last edited by Lyon on Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Bubba » Sun Aug 23, 2009 6:25 pm

Time to renew the "Attitude of Gratitude" (or however ya spell it).
Been reading on your blog Lew...But I want/need this thread as well, selfish I know.. :D
I appreciate my Family.
I appreciate my Mom, my Father, and my Brother. I thank God for the evenings we get to spend together. I know I am Blessed...
Yes, I am grateful for my wife and children as well, that goes without saying...
But, I really enjoy being at my parents house, BBQing, and havin a few brews.
I reckon I am just in a good mood, as the last few days I have felt like shit (sick to my stomache, very dizzy, ect...). Today, I have turned a page, and feel like myself again...
I will see what tomorrow brings when I wake up... 8O


BTW, Robbie, Nice View!!!
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Postby catfreak » Sun Aug 23, 2009 7:24 pm

Thanks for bringing this back Bubba!

Much needed thread....

Cat
Holly - Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd

9/3/09 Stanford - Dr Dake - Stent in R-J to unblock Arachnoid Cyst in Sigmoid Sinus. Stent in narrowed L-J. Balloon in narrowing where R & L Jugulars meet.
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Postby Loobie » Mon Aug 24, 2009 3:36 am

And how. I've been struggling with this shoulder issue that's left me unable to exercise and my legs are still feeling weak, so I've been out of sorts. Hopefully the same issue that's screwing up my shoulder is also causing the other stuff, so I've just been very preoccupied and kind of waiting it out until Dake can see what's what. I need to re read this entire thing and quit focusing on the fact that my pain went away and then came back worse. I'll find it somewhere........
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