I don't know what to do...

For questions on how to support loved ones with MS.

I don't know what to do...

Postby Dief » Thu Apr 08, 2010 5:50 am

Almost a year ago, my husband was diagnosed with MS.

I thought nothing could ever threaten us, our relationship, and I actually felt that for the first couple of months, we were growing even closer to each other - we were not going to let it get to us!

But more recently, things haven't been going so well - my husband is unhappy, and I feel like a complete failure for not being able to do anything about it. I feel like crap, and then I feel guilty because I have no reason whatsoever to be unhappy, and thinking about myself makes me feel selfish. But I have no idea how I can be better for him - my husband's always been a bit on the quiet side, but... now, I can't even guess what's going on inside his mind anymore.

I can't even finish this post properly, I don't want to start crying at my desk... I don't know what I hope to achieve, but maybe hearing I'm not the only one might help...
User avatar
Dief
Newbie
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2010 3:00 pm

Advertisement

Postby jennypenny » Thu Apr 08, 2010 8:00 pm

My partner has been with me the entire 9 years that I have had MS. But I know there has been countless times in our relationship that I have pulled away. Everyone is different, but I had alot of fear. Your husband probably has alot of fear as well, alot of people do when they are recently diagnosed. I found it very scary my first couple of years because I went through so many changes.
If you have any support groups in your area they may be good for him to go to. I know for me I have a hard time talking to my boyfriend about what's going on with my MS as it's either difficult or I know there is nothing he can really do to help. Stay positive though, things will get better. Definately check out some support groups though, or couples retreats through the MS society. I've heard they are great but I never have the time off work.
User avatar
jennypenny
Newbie
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 3:00 pm

Postby happytown » Mon May 24, 2010 3:53 pm

How do you handle MS?
Last edited by happytown on Wed May 26, 2010 12:53 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
happytown
Getting to Know You...
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun May 23, 2010 3:00 pm

Postby lyndacarol » Mon May 24, 2010 6:23 pm

I do not have an answer for you, I can only share my experience.

In my case, I am the one with MS -- I have no choice but to deal with this situation. I do not wish to inflict this on the one I love; in fact, I have told him that I would understand if he could not handle this situation. My husband assures me that he will always be here beside me -- we are in this together; he must often repeat this when I go through my range of emotions. He is calm, steady, unflinchingly supportive -- most of all, I am confident of his love. With his repetitions, I KNOW we are in this together.

I can only encourage you to be constant and voice your feelings often, even in the face of quiet withdrawal.
User avatar
lyndacarol
Family Elder
 
Posts: 2264
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 4:00 pm

Re: I don't know what to do...

Postby Bubba » Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:50 pm

Dief wrote:Almost a year ago, my husband was diagnosed with MS.

I thought nothing could ever threaten us, our relationship, and I actually felt that for the first couple of months, we were growing even closer to each other - we were not going to let it get to us!

But more recently, things haven't been going so well - my husband is unhappy, and I feel like a complete failure for not being able to do anything about it. I feel like crap, and then I feel guilty because I have no reason whatsoever to be unhappy, and thinking about myself makes me feel selfish. But I have no idea how I can be better for him - my husband's always been a bit on the quiet side, but... now, I can't even guess what's going on inside his mind anymore.

I can't even finish this post properly, I don't want to start crying at my desk... I don't know what I hope to achieve, but maybe hearing I'm not the only one might help...



Well I aint no psych dctr...But, it is probably a stage he is going through. You just bieng there for him, wanting to help is AWESOME! The fact that you have concern and care love drivin is more help that any neuro can do. Support at home expecially from a loved one is Great medicine...
Trust me, It hurts when your spouse doesnt give a shit and constantly tries to stress you out...
w/m 44
The problem comes with the decision of weighing the unknown with the unknown.
User avatar
Bubba
Family Elder
 
Posts: 486
Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2009 4:00 pm
Location: Turkey Creek, Florida

Postby Bubba » Sun Jun 06, 2010 10:07 pm

I am the one with MS and no it is not real advanced(3 edss).However, I still suffer freatly from the cramps, blurred vision, brain fog, and most importantly extreme body fatigue, not to mention the body aches.
I feel as though I am still young(42) and we havealot of life left ahead of us to live. But because I dont look sick, she doesnt see/feel what I go through on a daily basis. When I hurt, I suck it up and try to act normal. When I am exhuasted, I PUSH myself to go do things with her and the family;eventhough it about kills me.
I dont want her to know what I am going through so it wont worry her about our future, financially, ect... We have been married 22 years.
Lately, all I have been getting is sh!t on from her, drama after drama. That is no fun and extremely stressfull.
So if yall have someone willing to commit to you in your condition and your uncertian future, Give them a hug and tell them everyday what they mean to you. It is no fun going this on your own.
w/m 44
The problem comes with the decision of weighing the unknown with the unknown.
User avatar
Bubba
Family Elder
 
Posts: 486
Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2009 4:00 pm
Location: Turkey Creek, Florida


Return to Friends and Family

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users


Contact us | Terms of Service