Did I take too long to tell him??

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Did I take too long to tell him??

Postby cubanita1 » Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:23 pm

Hi everyone. I'm struggling with a relationship issue and hoping you can all shed some light on this. My fiance and I started dating Jan 2013. In december he moved in and a month later proposed. On Nov 18, I was finally diagnosed with MS, after many years of ruling things out. It has been three months since my diagnosis and I just told my fiance. Sadly, I told him only when he confronted me about my low energy level. He is devastated and is judging me pretty harshly. He says that this says a lot about my character and that while he can deal with the ms he wonders why I didn't tell.right away. I have apologized repeatedly and have tried to explain that we were so busy and there never seemed to be a right time to tell him. My diagnosis came about two weeks before he turned In his apt. He feels that was the time to tell him. I honestly don't know why I didn't say. Denial, I suspect, was my problem. From the instant I told him of my ms I offered him the ring back and explained that I would understand and not blame him for leaving. Since finding out over five days ago he hasn't kissed me, held my hand or touched me in any way. He was recently in the hospital and I was by his side at all times. He says he was honest and I was not. Again I don't know why I didn't run home and tell him I just think he is being a bit rough on me. Am I wrong? Am I an awful person?
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Re: Did I take too long to tell him??

Postby DougL » Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:33 am

hi Cubanita. who am i to judge but based on your one post i would say no you are not wrong and NO you are not an awful person.

good luck with everything

was he the first person you told (other than family or life-long friends)?
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Re: Did I take too long to tell him??

Postby cubanita1 » Tue Mar 04, 2014 3:42 am

Aside from my parents, he is the only person to know. I havd not told any friends nor will I. He told his mother and sisters. The idea that they know makes me sick to my stomach.

I feel so isolated and alone.
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Re: Did I take too long to tell him??

Postby DougL » Tue Mar 04, 2014 4:47 am

i know its not the same as face to face but you aren't alone as long as you are with us - your new "online" family.

many people here that have gone thru what you are going thru now.
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Re: Did I take too long to tell him??

Postby Anonymoose » Tue Mar 04, 2014 5:31 am

Hi cubanita,

I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis. As you well know, it takes time to wrap your head around it and all that it might mean for your future. There are steps to acceptance...one being the denial you mentioned. I'm guessing your fiancé is having adjustment issues too. Give him time and hopefully he will come to understand your "slowness" to share as he wrestles through his own feelings about your diagnosis. With hindsight, the two of you should be better able to identify your feelings and explain your behavior/reactions to each other.

You're only human and so is he.

Be well. Be patient. Don't stress!
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Re: Did I take too long to tell him??

Postby cubanita1 » Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:16 am

Thank you all so much for your responses and support. I'm really hoping that he will come around and understand my end a little better.
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Re: Did I take too long to tell him??

Postby BadKittyCat » Fri Mar 07, 2014 1:55 pm

Make sure you tell him (truthfully) that, before you could tell him, you had to tell yourself first!

I wish the best for both of you, and I hear you... it takes awhile.
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