I'm in a dark place at the moment! Feeling pretty hopeless & vulnerable x So please don't read any further if you can't stand someone whingeing!!
TONIGHT I INTEND TO WHINGE!!
I feel so tired of it all - hubby took me away for a couple of days last weekend and despite everything I had a lovely time (we beat Ireland in the 6 Nations rugby too! - always a bonus!!
As usual when I go away for a couple of days & push myself too much I then spend the next few days exhausted & unwell. While away I had a sharp stabbing 'bone' type pain on the side my left foot - my left leg is the one that's almost always numb, weak & hurts the most
This foot pain has persisted and nagged all week - it's like it's in the bone - like toothache even.
Yesterday I cried when I got up out of bed but it did ease - then on the way to work - wham! A sweet little old man drove into the side of me shunting me into the pavement and into a wall x it was one heck of a whack! - as I was thrown side to side I had the most intense electric shock sensation shoot from my neck down my spine & into my fingers for about 5 seconds - then nothing. Then as I bent forward to get out of the car the same thing happened - again it only lasted a few seconds but it was breathtaking!
I did the usual exchange of details - whilst totally shaking uncontrollably & got myself back home - I had that horrible exhausted feeling so I took Nurofens & went to bed - when I woke 4 hours later I had the seized neck I expected - but what worried me was the pins & needles in my fingers & my left toes - so when my hubby came home he took me to A & E. After 5 hours waiting to be seen the nurse took my blood pressure several times because it was sky high & she gave me some painkillers. Eventually the doctor saw me - ignored my pins & needles & leg numbness totally - said I had whiplash & sent me for an Xray. I think he thought I was just there for the sake of compensation!!!! Nothing was broken on the Xray - so he again said whiplash & I was told to go home & come back if the pins & needles in the fingers persist.
I feel so disheartened! I genuinely don't care about the flippin whiplash or suing the poor old man who hit me!!!
I'm just sick of this pain - the pain on the side of my foot woke me up several times in the night - I couldn't walk on it this morning - it eased off somewhat during the day but I made the mistake earlier of thinking a hot bath would ease all the aches - BIG mistake!! I was only in it for a minute or so & the pain n my foot went nuts!!! It's awful - sharp and in the bone - like the worst toothache ever!
I'm sick of feeling like cr_p - sick of the flashing lights in my eyes and double & blurred vision - of the horrible band-like feeling/pain around my middle - of the patio door being open when it's -8 outside! Sick of the numbness & most of all sick of the weakness and exhaustion!!
But most of all I'm fed up of being sent from one specialist to another who promises to 'get to the bottom' of it all then gives up and refers me on to the next one - it's been years of this!
I was only told a few weeks ago that I have been having episodes of Optic Neuritis since 1998!! I've been told it was 'just' inflammation every time & sent off with my steroid drops & drops to lower the pressure!!
I know there are so any of you worse off than I am - I know there are so many people in the world that are suffering appallingly & I keep telling myself that - I keep on telling myself how lucky I am that I have an awesome job - a husband that adores me & I adore him (bonus!) I have healthy & wonderful sons (one 28 & one 15) x
but tonight I'm wallowing in it!! I'm so fed up of the fight - it's gone on too long & I feel like nobody is EVER going to listen to me x 12 weeks to see the neurologist seems like a lifetime xxxx