Trying not to get depressed

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Trying not to get depressed

Postby melissaVJT » Sun Apr 08, 2012 5:10 pm

Sorry I keep posting just tell me if I should go find a different forum for answers.

I am really struggling to not let this get me down I feel like I only have one body and was a normal person (though i have struggled with thinking clearly for the past couple of years I had gotten used to it) and then this happened and I am I scared that I may never know what normal feels like again.

I told my stepmum everything that's happening and my dad hasn't bothered to call me once and even worse than that is probably laughing at me going oh no melissa has head problems but he doesn't get that this is really serious and I am scared.

I am scared of not being normal again, I am scared of getting worse, I am scared of dying, I am scared of loosing my ability to think or communicate at all and I am scared of burdening my husband and of not being able to care for my babies. I don't know why I haven't heard from the neurologist. I know that I should be fighting it and not caring about the diagnosis but its easier said than done and I just can't deal with being in such a messed up body without knowing whats wrong.

I am also scared about our future my husband and I manage a lodge together and are meant to progress onto a motel and then buy our own one and we wanted to have 4 or 5 children and I am afraid that my dreams might have to change. I hate all this uncertainty I feel like I am in limbo. I am not letting it stress me and I am trying to stay happy but I have a heavy feeling in my heart.
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Re: Trying not to get depressed

Postby Loriyas » Sun Apr 08, 2012 6:28 pm

Ok take a deep breath. Do whatever you need to do to clear your mind. I suggest you then start by writing a list. On this list you write down everything you need to do to start getting answers. I have said this to you in previous posts-you need to get answers from the neurologist immediately. Stop waiting for them to contact you and instead pester them until you get some answers and some direction. It is unacceptable that they have not gotten back to you. I don't care how much of a pest you have to be- don't let up until you are satisfied. The same goes for your primary doc and anyone else you have seen.

Do you have a copy of the actual MRI? If you don't call the center who did the MRI and tell them you want a CD of it ASAP. You are entitled to have this and you need to get it. There may or may not be a nominal fee but you need to have this. If you choose to see another neurologist you will then have the CD to show him. Or it can also be used as a comparison if you have another MRI done. But KEEP the CD. Don't give it to anyone as you may need it in the future.

Getting some answers is the first thing you need to do. Everything else is running around in your mind and causing you confusion and fear. Knowledge is power. Take control.

You are welcome to pm me if you wish.

Lori
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Re: Trying not to get depressed

Postby melissaVJT » Sun Apr 08, 2012 7:00 pm

Thank you for your help I really appreciate it. I will try the list thing and am going to make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow. I haven't actually had an mri yet the ed docs were going to send me to another hospital for one but they decided to let my doctor sort it out so they sent a referral to the neurologist and then my actual doctor sent one too but I haven't heard anything. I will go to the doctor again tomorrow and hopefully he will send another one. They can't just leave me to feel like this forever especially if it is something treatable.
I have had non stop numbness, tingling, hot/cold/burning sensations, electric shock sensations decreased feeling inside and outside of my body and numbness in my head and left eye, my face feels like its swollen even though its not and sharp pain in my arms and legs as well as nerve pain and weakness along with other stuff all day every day and had dizzy spells again last night. they can't just leave me like this surely I feel like Im half dead because I can only half feel my body and half my mind feels like its not there.
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Re: Trying not to get depressed

Postby DougL » Mon Apr 09, 2012 4:17 am

melissaVJT wrote:Sorry I keep posting just tell me if I should go find a different forum for answers.
this forum was created for people just like you. please continue to post.

melissaVJT wrote:I am really struggling to not let this get me down I feel like I only have one body and was a normal person (though i have struggled with thinking clearly for the past couple of years I had gotten used to it) and then this happened and I am I scared that I may never know what normal feels like again.
i understand your stuggles. my partner, who has had MS for more than half her life, still struggles with it. she requires medication to help her and that makes me sad.

she too talks about normal. i try to tell her its about enjoying what she can do and not worrying about what could be.

melissaVJT wrote:I told my stepmum everything that's happening and my dad hasn't bothered to call me once and even worse than that is probably laughing at me going oh no melissa has head problems but he doesn't get that this is really serious and I am scared.
sadly this is part of everyone's life. it is important that you surround yourself with positive people. stress is bad for everyone.

a happy Melissa is a healthy Melissa.

melissaVJT wrote:I am scared of not being normal again, I am scared of getting worse,
very understandable. there are many horror stories of people who got worse.

but in the last few years, there have been countless stories of people who are getting better. and countless more who finally can speak the word HOPE.

melissaVJT wrote: I am scared of dying, I am scared of loosing my ability to think or communicate at all and I am scared of burdening my husband and of not being able to care for my babies. I don't know why I haven't heard from the neurologist. I know that I should be fighting it and not caring about the diagnosis but its easier said than done and I just can't deal with being in such a messed up body without knowing whats wrong.
not knowing is very stressful. don't know why the neuro hasn't called you. maybe he doesn't have any answers yet.

but as you have said, there are things you can do now regardless of what is wrong. spend your time and energy on them and not so much worrying about getting answers. the answers will come at some point.

hope you have a good day
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