This Is MS Multiple Sclerosis Community: Knowledge & Support

Not exactly the way I wanted to join the forum & introduce myself, but I had to talk to someone!

I am a retired military member (4yrs), diagnosed with MS approx 8 years ago. I still work for the military & have a very stressful, at times, job. It has been more stressful than usual because of what I'm involved in. on top of that, there are quite a few more issues adding more stress lately, none more than what has been generated - and increasing - at home.

My son is a deployed Combat Medic. The 2 remaining kids, girls, are still at home. The oldest just graduated high school. The youngest is 14 and in the midst of a severe case of 'teenager'. They are both slobs, the youngest infinitely more so. I call the youngest 'Hurricane Alli' because she leaves a trail of food/trash, etc behind her. She refuses to do chores, disobeys, had a Gauge put in her ear against our orders, lies, 7 recently started dating a 17yo. although her mom & I agreed she would not date until at LEAST 15yo, her mom is now defending her dating the 17yo. I am currently on a business trip - before I left on the trip, I found her and her boyfriend snuggled under a blanket in a downstairs beddroom...not 'doing' anything (yet). I imediately wanted an end to the dating, but her mom is fighting meon this.

The bottom line is my family is selfish, disrespectful, disobedient, messy, make little effort to BE a family, refuse to make any effort to change, & my wife just insisted that I see someone because I am the only one with a problem.

I just spent the last week trying to run a conference with headaches, massive continuous leg pain (they always ache from the knees down) to the point I am limping, nauseated and trying not to be sick half the time, and my speech starting to slur slighly. To be blunt, the stress is exacerbating my MS, making it hard to function as well as I should. As much as i love my family, worse yet, I feel like I am the only one concerned or trying to resolve the problem. I am TIRED, frustrated, stressed, and do not know what to do.

Any recommendations on ways to deal with stress would be appreciated. The Conference ends tomorrow, and I have decided not to go home right away. Before I go home to that stressful place, I plan to go somewhere - maybe a beach - to take a day to try to relax. I need to find a way to prevent the stress level from getting this high again in the future. About the only thing i can think of right now, since it seems no one at home has any intention of changing / helping, is to just stop caring and let them do whatever they want, no more trying to enforce rules & 'fight the fight' by myself. I even want to hear if the family is right & the problem is just me. THANKS!

Welcome; we are always here to listen and we will give opinions, if we are asked.

In my opinion, if you think there is a problem, there IS a problem. And I do not think that you make the problem alone. Obviously, you have a lot of stress in your life – that will complicate any situation. You know you have to find a way to deal with that stress.

I think the other people in your household are contributing to a dysfunctional relationship, rather than trying to improve or understand the pressures of other members. Can you find counseling services, a psychologist or therapist that everyone will agree to work with? MS is enough to deal with; I fear that this situation will deteriorate further unless everyone works to save it. Your nickname for the younger daughter probably doesn't help; you may have to choose your battles and let some things go without comment. Can you find areas where you can praise or compliment the girls? Personal relationships are not easy. All the best to you.

hi there easy, sorry to hear you're having a rough time. just curious.. does your daughter not count as a minor where you are?

all i can offer is that stress causes increased excretion of magnesium, which is already typically low in ms patients. low magnesium can cause anxiety so it can end up being a bit of a downward spiral.

if you can find some magnesium glycinate and take one with each meal, at least you'll be getting back what is lost during this current extra high stress time.

just to illustrate the links between magnesium and stress:

ADVERSE STRESS REACTIONS IN MAGNESIUM DEFIOENCY: PREVENTIVE AND THERAPEUTIC IMPLICATIONS.
http://www.mgwater.com/seelig_adverse_s ... ctions.pdf
Magnesium deficiency and stress mutually aggravate one another

Magnesium, stress and neuropsychiatric disorders
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1844561
Magnesium has a profound effect on neural excitability; the most characteristic signs and symptoms of Mg deficiency are produced by neural and neuromuscular hyperexcitability. These create a constellation of clinical findings termed tetany syndrome (TS). TS symptoms include muscle spasms, cramps and hyperarousal, hyperventilation and asthenia. Physical signs (Chvostek's, Trousseau's or von Bonsdorff's) and abnormalities of the electromyogram or electroencephalogram can usually be elicited. Signs and symptoms of TS are frequently encountered in clinical practice, especially among patients with functional or stress-related disorders. The role of Mg deficit in TS is suggested by relatively low levels of serum or erythrocyte Mg and by the clinical response to oral Mg salts, which has been demonstrated in controlled studies. Among the more serious neurologic sequelae of TS are migraine attacks, transient ischemic attacks, sensorineural hearing loss and convulsions. Mg deficiency may predispose to hyperventilation and may sensitize the cerebral vasculature to the effects of hypocarbia. Mg deficiency increases susceptibility to the physiologic damage produced by stress, and Mg administration has a protective effect; studies on noise stress and noise-induced hearing loss are taken as an example. In addition, the adrenergic effects of psychological stress induce a shift of Mg from the intracellular to the extracellular space, increasing urinary excretion and eventually depleting body stores. Drugs used in neurology and psychiatry may affect Mg levels in blood and may diminish signs of tetany, making assessment of Mg status more difficult. Pharmacologic use of Mg can decrease neurologic deficit in experimental head trauma, possibly by blockade of N-methyl-D-aspartate receptors. In conjunction with high doses of pyridoxine, Mg salts benefit 40% of patients with autism, possibly by an effect on dopamine metabolism.

_________________
my approach: no meds so far - just balanced whole foods (partial 'paleo', much less outright elimination), science, supplements, & bloodwork
my regimen - www.thisisms.com/ftopict-2489.html
www.whfoods.com, www.nutritiondata.com

It seems like you need to take care of YOU first! I think it is great that you are giving yourself a day to decompress before you head back into the stress of your homelife. Would you consider counseling for just yourself at this point to learn what you need to do to take care of yourself? If you don't get right with yourself nothing else will be as you want it to be. But maybe if you can get yourself to a good place perhaps everything else will fall into place. But it seems to me your first priority right now is to yourself. Then in a bit you can bring your wife into the picture. And then a bit after that you can work together to get your family back in order. It is easy to get overwhelmed with all that we have going on. You just need a chance to methodically work things out. Good luck.

I think you need some time off to get healthy so you can better manage what you are calling a disfunctional family. You do indeed sound really stressed out, but I don't think you are thinking clearly and your just seeing the negatives of the family. You need time to turn yourself around and relieve that stress so you can increase your optimism. There needs to be more communication so every knows what is going on. When my son got into trouble we began showing him whats out there and what to expect. He was taken to a few colleges and college football games and he quickly realized that he needed to get his stuff in order if he wanted to compete. He's now in college doing great with a great personality. I really wanted to get loud with him and straighten him out at first, but this other approach worked a whole lot better and it was a positive spin to what could have turned out to be a lot worst. My point being is that you need to get healthy so that you can think straight and find positive ways to approach the problems that arise in your family.

I want to thank everyone who responded - You all really helped. We have tried a combination of things. I have found an awesome Christian doctor/specialist who just moved to where I live. He has been both my physician lately but has taken time to help me on different ways to reduce stress and address the family issues as well. Had a family meeting during which we talked - the family actually sought out some counseling on what stress is / how it affects the MS, and how to make some changes to help. The combination of me taking more time to take care of me, reduce the stress, and realizing that taking a little 'me time' is ok AND the changes the family has started making has really helped. Communication in the house is a lot better....We are doing much better.

Thanks for allowing me to talk, to get this out - that was a big help. Answering back really helped me to know someone was not only listening, but you guys had some great ideas and helped get me back on track to getting things worked out. Finding this site when I did was a blessing. If I can help anyone in any way I will be more than glad to help, the way you guys helped me. God bless you guys!

MTW, Jimmy - talked to my doc, he agreede, and I started the magnesium. I am surprisingly already noticing a big difference. The constant pain in the legs, cramping and occassional spasms have been greatly diminished/reduced. Thanks again!

awesome to hear this update did you manage to get magnesium glycinate specifically? or is it a different form? either way, glad you are seeing benefits!

_________________
my approach: no meds so far - just balanced whole foods (partial 'paleo', much less outright elimination), science, supplements, & bloodwork
my regimen - www.thisisms.com/ftopict-2489.html
www.whfoods.com, www.nutritiondata.com