Please Help

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Please Help

Postby jessicalee1988 » Thu May 01, 2014 8:34 am

I was diagnosed with MS last June. I had a MRI done because i kept terrible headaches and stayed so tired. My husband is a truck driver and leaves on Sunday afternoons and comes home on Friday nights. We have 2 small children, 7 and 3. I try to pick up and clean as best i can through out the week. If the house is not spotless when he gets in on Fridays he has a fit, he calls me lazy and that i dont give a crap about anything. I work everyday also 7:30 to 5, come home and do homework , baths, and what ever extra curricular activities my 7 yr old has. How can i make him understand that im doing the best i can? I am not lazy by no means. He thinks since he is awake when i go to bed and up before i go to work i have it made. I just wish he realized what all i do while he is gone. I try to explain and he's like whatever. I get so tired of being called lazy!!!!!! He says ms has nothing to do with not keeping the house spotless that im just plain lazy. I feel like my marriage is falling apart because of all of his nagging. Would yall consider it lazy and i just dont see it? If not how can i make him uderstand???? Thanks for everyones help :)
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Re: Please Help

Postby DougL » Thu May 01, 2014 9:21 am

welcome to TIMS.

you aren't just lazy. energy (or lack of) is a big part of MS. you work a full time job and take car of 2 small kids (while hubby is sitting on his butt driving a truck all week :-D ).

i suspect you are right in that your hubby just doesn't get it.

bring him here and have him read for a while - hopefully he will get a better understanding of what MS is all about and how it affects you.

good luck

PS - the following is one of the the most important things i learned about MS



MS Dos and Don’ts

Don't assume that because I look well, I feel well.

Don't say, "I know how you feel.'

Don't tell me about someone else and how well they coped. I'm doing the best I can.

Don't tell me, "It could be worse" I don't need reminding

Don't decide what I am capable of doing. Allow me to make those decisions.

Don't be upset that you cannot ease my problems. It won't do any good for both of us to be miserable.

Don't ask me how I feel unless you really want to know.

Don't assume that because I did a certain activity yesterday, I can do it today.

Don't tell me about the latest fad cure.

Do realize that I am angry and frustrated with the disease, not with you.

Do let me know you are available to help me when I ask.

Do offer me lots of encouragement.

Do understand why I cancel plans at the last minute. I never know from one day to the next how I will feel.

Do continue to invite me to activities. Just because I'm not able to ride bike along with the gang, doesn't mean I can't join you for the picnic at the end of the trail. Please let me decide.
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Re: Please Help

Postby jessicalee1988 » Thu May 01, 2014 9:33 am

Thank you so much!!!
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Re: Please Help

Postby lyndacarol » Thu May 01, 2014 11:19 am

jessicalee1988 wrote:I was diagnosed with MS last June. I had a MRI done because i kept terrible headaches and stayed so tired. My husband is a truck driver and leaves on Sunday afternoons and comes home on Friday nights. We have 2 small children, 7 and 3. I try to pick up and clean as best i can through out the week. If the house is not spotless when he gets in on Fridays he has a fit, he calls me lazy and that i dont give a crap about anything. I work everyday also 7:30 to 5, come home and do homework , baths, and what ever extra curricular activities my 7 yr old has. How can i make him understand that im doing the best i can? I am not lazy by no means. He thinks since he is awake when i go to bed and up before i go to work i have it made. I just wish he realized what all i do while he is gone. I try to explain and he's like whatever. I get so tired of being called lazy!!!!!! He says ms has nothing to do with not keeping the house spotless that im just plain lazy. I feel like my marriage is falling apart because of all of his nagging. Would yall consider it lazy and i just dont see it? If not how can i make him uderstand???? Thanks for everyones help :)

Along with DougL, I welcome you to ThisIsMS, jessicalee1988.

You are NOT lazy! You have two small children, a house to maintain, a job… It makes me tired just to hear all you have to do. I don't know how you can make him understand; in my opinion, he seems to be insensitive to anyone else's situation. Maybe you are too concerned with what HE thinks; you know that you are probably doing more than any of us here can do – if he complains, maybe it is your turn to say, "Whatever," tell him the kids would love to have HIM give the baths that night, leave the room – go for a walk, take deep breaths.

I hope you have a good friend you can confide in and who can help you a bit.

You have found a community of new friends here who understand and support you. We are glad you found us.

By the way, you said you had terrible headaches and tiredness before your diagnosis with MS last June. These are common symptoms for several different condition, one of which is a vitamin B12 deficiency. I hope your doctor tested for that and ruled it out. In fact, many people used to get B12 injections just to improve their energy level (my grandmother was one). Maybe this is something you should discuss with your GP.
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Re: Please Help

Postby jessicalee1988 » Thu May 01, 2014 11:54 am

Thanks! The did give me a vitamin supplement plus a daily copaxone injection. I had no idea ms was a factor until they seen the lesions on my brain, so the scheduled me a lumbar puncture and thats what confirmed it...
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Re: Please Help

Postby Youarethecure » Tue Aug 26, 2014 10:51 am

Tell him you want to switch roles for a week. You leave for a week (vacation woot woot!! lol) and see how well he handles it all. Then on top of that tell him you do it all with clinically defined fatigue.

To be honest he sounds like an insensitive d bag.... not trying to be rude. What you do is tough for ANY person MS aside. That only makes it that much harder. I would never expect some1 to do all that without help. I most definitely would not nag on them for it. And that's coming from a 25 year old man.

Best of luck to you.
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