My gf of 5 years has MS and I can't take it anymore

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canttakeitanymore
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My gf of 5 years has MS and I can't take it anymore

Post by canttakeitanymore »

So when I started going out with my gf, she told me she had ms. But she seemed fine, and I honestly didn't know too much about ms, so I didn't think it was a big deal... I mean, she wasn't in a wheelchair or anything, right? At first it seemed fine, but looking back, I think there were some episodes... I call them episodes.

My gf when she is really tired, stressed or angry, has these episodes. She acts completely drunk. I mean she can't stand, she can't talk, she says she doesn't recall what happened. I don't mean had a few drinks drunk, I mean downed a 750ml bottle of vodka drunk, even when she had nothing to drink. Other times, she just acts pretty drunk not fully drunk. I talked to an MS hotline, and the person I talked to says that she is unfamiliar with that symptom, although that doesn't mean it's not MS. When she gets this way, she is impossible to be around. She is very hostile, yelling and screaming what an ahole I am, how she hates my family, and all sorts of things. She screams at the window, so all of our neighbors can hear, while she chain smokes. This can go on for hours... at longest was about 12 hours. I stay when she's this way so she doesn't hurt herself, but I can't take it anymore. I can't fully explain what it's like, but when some of our friends saw her this way, they were shocked. She falls down and gets hurt at times, but the verbal abuse is what I can't stand anymore.

At first, I just thought she was drunk. We would have screaming fights where things get thrown, and I tried to kick her out of my house many times, only to feel bad and take it back within a few days. The only way that she doesn't act this way is if she is in bed basically 16 hours a day, and nothing happens to make her upset, stressed or anxious. She used to have aches, and pain, but when she quit her job a couple months ago, most of that went away, but not the episodes.

What I want to find out is if this is a typical MS symptom. I also want to break up. I can't stand living like this. I try to show support and sympathy, but our lives are just sitting around home, me ignoring her while she throws insults at me for no reason, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. I worry what will happen to her if we break up. Where will she go? How will she support herself? all of that stuff. I do care for her, but with every episode, that care and concern gets chipped away and replaced with hate, and anger. Me trying to help her with anything has morphed into me ignoring her during her episodes until she just gets on my nerve saying extremely hurtful thing about my father, my sister, my nephews, my friends, me, and anyone I know. There is no way to talk reason with her... it's like talking reason to a sloppy, falling down drunk person. I walk out of the house, but where am I going to go? I tried going to bars and watching tv until she was hopefully sleeping, but I can only do that so often. I feel really bad that the only way I can describe my feelings for her is hate. Pure hate. When she's acting a little bit like this, my demeanor starts to change as quickly as hers now. I hate looking at her, hearing her voice, seeing her stumble around and everything to do with her. I want nothing to do with her. But again... if I don't take care of her, then who will? I feel trapped which causes more anger. Help!!!
bifrostlake
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Re: My gf of 5 years has MS and I can't take it anymore

Post by bifrostlake »

Unfortunately, emotional changes like the ones your girlfriend is experiencing is quite common in MS. The good news is that there are effective treatments for these conditions: http://www.nationalmssociety.org/Sympto ... al-Changes Does your girlfriend have a neurologist overseeing her MS care? If so, her emotional instability needs to be discussed and treatment options offered.

Your commitment to your girlfriend, while laudable, is clearly becoming detrimental to you. If she refuses any intervention or the treatments fail, you should leave the situation. I have told my spouse that should my MS negatively affect my emotional stability to the point that he can no longer tolerate it, he is free to leave for his sake. I hope your girlfriend gets the help she needs and that you are able to find peace.
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lyndacarol
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Re: My gf of 5 years has MS and I can't take it anymore

Post by lyndacarol »

To canttakeitanymore – your situation does sound impossible for both you and your girlfriend. I see no way for this relationship to be saved.

Before you leave her, I highly recommend you watch this 50-minute documentary featuring Sally Pacholok, RN, BSN, & her husband Jeffrey Stuart, D.O. (authors of the book, Could It Be B12? An Epidemic of Misdiagnoses); Lawrence Solomon, M.D., hematologist with Yale Medical School; Ralph Green, M.D., hematologist at UC Davis; and Donald Jacobsen, PhD, at the Cleveland Clinic (Homocysteine Research Lab).

"Everything You Want Your Doctor to Know about Vitamin B12"



Pay attention to the first story (of JJ) especially when he describes the emotional outbursts he experienced. This sounds to me like what your girlfriend is experiencing. Suggest that she see a GP and ask for vitamin B12 deficiency testing. In my opinion, this could be a possible cause for her behavior. If she is found to have a B12 deficiency, treatment is easy and inexpensive and might save her life.

Then, move on with your life; chalk up these five years to an unsuccessful "life lesson"; someone will take care of her – family? friends? – You do not have the abilities necessary for the job.
canttakeitanymore
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Re: My gf of 5 years has MS and I can't take it anymore

Post by canttakeitanymore »

first off, I want to say that I was at an angry point when I wrote the first post. It was in the middle of one of her episodes, which started a couple days ago, nothing too bad, to yesterday which was about a 7 on her personal scale of 1-10. She slept about 10 hours, and today she's fine. I want to stress that she's fine most of the time, and the episodes don't happen all the time. At the height, which was from about 2-7 months ago, she would have these episodes about 3 times a week, ranging from 3-5 on the scale, but there was a 2 month window when she was worse than I've ever seen her before, and that would happen basically 4-5 times a week. When she's fine, we are very good together, and have a lot of fun, and do all the things that normal couples do.

bifrostlake - I have done a lot of reading, and I haven't found much about emotional issues. I did find that those with MS is more likely to have bipolar disorder and depression. She told me that she has been tested for these, and they came back negative. She does have a new neurologist, and I have requested that i go with her to an appointment, so I can tell her doctor what I'm going through. I fear that she's sugar coating her condition to the doctor, and completely leaving out the psychological issues that she's going through. She refuses to let me go with her, and in fact, doesn't even like talking about this stuff. If I continue, she will get upset, and we'll get into a fight, and she'll fall into another episode. The last time she came back was from an mri of her brain which found lesions, but the doctor said that it seems to be getting better and didn't give her any medications, which completely caught me by surprise. I mean, if anyone saw her, they would say that she above anyone else would need some type of medication. I have been talking to her today, since she's doing better, and told her that I read about some emotional medication that they offer to people with MS, and asked again if I can go with her to see her doctor, or if she could ask her doctor about these drugs.

lyndacarol - I did see the youtube, and think it's very interesting. I insisted that she get a b12 test and she is going to get it. I hope that she can find something that will stop these episodes. Regarding leaving her. This is difficult, since she moved in with me. She doesn't pay for anything, and she doesn't feel like she can fall back on her family or friends, which I don't know if it's true or she just doesn't want to. I have talked to many people about kicking her out, and they said that if she doesn't agree to leave, then it will be a very long process, as she has been here long enough to establish residency in my place, and I will need to go through the process of evicting her, which can take months.
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