sunshine12 wrote:do other people know of your ms? and why did you tell them? i am asking because i am a very hidden person, and i dont believe in telling my business to all. my parents know, and my husband knows, beyond that my felling is why? why do they need to know? i dont know how all else is, but i hate the "how ya doing" question and look and dont want my ms to be me, do i make sense?
First off, the decision is entirely yours. It's a free country. If you don't want to tell people, then don't. And yes, you make sense. Other people see it differently for themselves
, i.e., they are the kind who reach out to others for support. But that's a very personal decision. There's no right or wrong on this one.
Some practicalities. First, if you tell one person in a circle of friends you can be sure they will all know pretty quickly. Secrets like that don't stay secret for long, and it's frankly not fair to give that burden (of maintaining secrecy) to a friend. Second, if you tell one person at your job, they'll all know pretty fast unless the one person is the personnel officer. Which, for a variety of reasons, you probably don't want to tell anyway.
Finally, I think one important issue is how severe your symptoms are. If there is something visibly the matter with you, then I tend to think it's best to tell people what the problem is. But if you're not visibly or seriously impaired, it's a matter of your own discretion.
I told everyone I know because my MS has disabled me. It would otherwise be sort of tough to answer the "how's work going?" questions.
sunshine12 wrote:i also havent told my children yet, i know i know i betcha most of you gasped as you read that. ... we moved into a new house within the year, and they have been having a hard time adjusting between friends andschool work, and feel like what kinda mom would i be to lay another burden on them?
First thing is that it depends on how old the kids are. If they're much younger than 10, it argues for not telling them. Unless you have clear impairments, which then brings in the second rule. Kids are much more perceptive than their parents realize. If you're having trouble, they'll see it. If you don't tell them why, the mystery could be a lot harder on them than the reality. Kids have wild imaginations, and if they see you struggling but not talking about it they'll likely think you're at death's doorstep. Nightmares and the whole nine yards.
Finally, a whole lot will depend on how
you tell them. If you do a huge emotion dump on 'em, it's going to be that much harder. But if you do it in a very even-toned way, they'll likely adapt. It could even help in the sense that they'll likely be somewhat more mature at any earlier age, as a consequence of your requests for help around the house. And, by the way, your kids will
tell other kids. Tell them it's not something to be blabbed around, but don't expect them to keep it a secret forever. Human nature and all.
One other thing: With the kids, don't yield to the temptation to use your MS as a tool or crutch for discipline. If they see you as doing this, they're going to be resentful over time. There's a bargain in all of this: They have to grow up faster, and you've got to play it straight. It worked well when I was growing up with respect to my mother, who got breast cancer when I was 15 years old. It was remarkable how all of the little arguments ceased for the better part of a year on both sides.