This Is MS Multiple Sclerosis Community: Knowledge & Support

out of respect for my father, whom I nearly just lost, will start this new one.

My “It could always be worse,” coping mantra is being tested to the max, this week.

My 70 year old father, who has rarely been sick a day in his life, suffered a hemorrhagic stroke, last week.

Still employed full-time, he was doing construction on his old family homestead, after work. Friends and family continuously warning him that he was doing too much, and not to do so without their help. Well, he never listens. Alone, and late at night, he decided he was going to lift some building trusses. Well, he collapsed and fell into a hole in the flooring. He lay in there for 5 hours before my mother awoke and realized that he hadn’t come home (no fault of hers, he always came home very late, worrying her for years!) drove out there in the wee hours and found him.

Long story short, he is obviously just lucky to even still be alive!

Hundreds of miles away, I waited by the phone to hear the results of his CAT scan. Then, of his MRI. At first we all thought it was just a TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack). And, he was still able to walk a bit and talk, although speech very garbled. CAT scan was clear. But the MRI showed a ruptured vessel. High blood pressure, which had always checked out normal, previously; had apparently caused it. It’s on the right side of his brain, so his left side was effected. He was in ICU, but skipped Step-Down ICU, transferred to Neurology and is now in the Physical Rehab unit. Speech much better, standing a bit, able to feed himself…all in a week’s time. Yes, it could have been much worse!

And, it still can, if he doesn’t stop feeling so sorry for himself and puts hard work into following his doctors’ and therapists’ orders. Unlike us with MS, he has more of a chance for healing, if he acts now! And, oh, yes, I reminded him of this and will keep reminding him. Hoping this mantra will motivate and help him, as it helps me.

While such a mantra is context dependent, I’ve found few contexts to which it can’t be applied.

Oh, and yes, I did ask my mother to ask his neurologist whether or not there was anything on his MRI that showed anything resembling MS lesions. And, no, it did not. My father’s side of the family is from Northern Scotland. Ironically, I even found an address for an MS Society (or, clinic, maybe, can’t remember), there, that was on a road of his family’s name.

Damn this disease for even compelling me to ask the most "Why Me?" related question, of those I love, I've ever asked, yet! Just hope like hell I can help encourage my father to work on recovering as fully as is possible, for him.

Minai

HI
I am sorry to hear about your father. I worked in neuro ICU and step down ICU as well. I have had a lot of patients like your father. I am glad that you are there to encourage him. I have seen a lot of ppl do a lot more than the Dr. said they would be able to do because they participated fully in their physio therapy. I have seen it with my own eyes and I hope that you can pass that along to him. Hopefully he will start seeing some results soon and be encouraged. The brain is an amazing little thing and he sounds like he is doing really well physically. I am sure it is hard for him to see it that way though. I guess I have just seen worse. He is a very lucky man. Five hours of bleeding in the brain could have been a lot worse as I am sure you already know. I wish you all the best. Please keep encouraging him. PPl that I have seen improve haven't done it in a week or even a month. It taked years sometimes.
NN
ps. sorry this has nothing to do with the "why me?"

Minai, hope your dad gets well soon. I know with family members of mine that have medical conditions I constantly remind them that they can help their situation a lot more than I can and they should. It does sometimes make me jealous I admit. Even though we all fall into the "why me" rut we have to do what we can to help our own situation. Sometimes it isn't easy but I think it is worth it in the end and feeling sorry for yourself gets you no where. Your dad is lucky to have family by his side supporting him. If he puts his mind and heart to it, I'm sure he'll be better in no time.

Hi NN,

Thanks, so much, for the encouragement and advice! Coming from your perspective of professional experience it is quite valuable. All so good to know! Yes, he is very lucky. And you’re right. It’s hard work for him. Yesterday, one of his nurses told him exactly what you said—that it could take him years to recover some of what he’s lost. So, of course, facing such a potential reality was very depressing for him. And, I can really see the wisdom being used in his Rehab protocol for recovery. It limits the visits of family and friends who may reinforce such depression, while replacing it with more interaction with other patients, who are working towards the same recovery goals that he needs to be.

No need to apologize. Here, again, I find my mantra applies since it really has to be worse to be in the profession you (and others, here, are) and being struck by MS, of all things!

Again, sincerest thanks, for your well wishes! Will certainly try to keep encouraging my father in as a supportive manner, as I can.

Minai

Scoobyjude,

Much appreciated! I hope that Dad will end up surprising himself by results of any of the efforts he makes. Yes, as family, that will be the challenge in supporting him—to be empathetic, without reinforcing his “why me.” And, for me to be patient with him, in spite of my “MS is worse,” realizations. Always good to know we’re not alone in such things.

Thanks, again!

Minai

I certainly can empathize with you that it takes a lot of patience to listen to "why me". Having dealt with MS for 4 years (although I know it has been around longer) and a recent bout with breast cancer my patience runs very thin with people and the "why me" complaint often. But on the flip side, remember that this is all very new to your dad so he does deserve a little "slack" to get used to the idea, just like you did as you were becoming used to your diagnosis. I think he will come around in time. It sounds like he is just someone who thought of himself as somewhat invincible and probably feels betrayed by his body-as I am sure we all have at one time or another. I know I have. I wish both you and your dad the best of luck. I know it will all be fine!
Lori

how do you do that? there must be a way but it seems just as hard to accept as the disease itself. Sorry about your dad Minai

Hi Lori, I can't even fathom what dealing with THAT diagnosis, on top of MS, must be like for you! I mean, have heard many people with MS say how relieved they were, when they received an MS diagnosis instead of cancer. In fact, that's what I said when my younger cousin, was diagnosed in her early 30's, with breast cancer, at the very same time I received MS diagnosis. And, of course, 20 years ago, my grandmother lost her life to that horrible disease, too. But she had it for years, and didn't tell anyone, or seek treatment, until she was already in the final stage. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.

You refer to your experience as a "bout." It sounds as if you must be winning the fight! You must be doing the right things, whatever those are. I sincerely wish you all the best in your recovery!



Thank you. I hope so! Yes, you're certainly right about him forever believing he was invincible.

Take care,

Minai

Thanks, Robbie.

Sorry I don't have any answers to this, either.

Minai

Hi Minai

This is not usually a stop for me, but I happened on your posting and can't help but be struck by the initiative and persistance of your father. If he is that tough, he may surprise us all and recover much more than anyone expects. My best to him and to you.

Rica

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2010 5 years 4 months Now on Amoxicillin, Doxy, Rifampin, Azith, and caffeine in addition to  flagyl. 90% normal good days-50% normal bad days. That is a good thing.

sorry to hear about your dad..am sure with the family standing strong next to him he will bounce back in no time..good luck with everything

chris

Thanks, Rica!

Yes, he is definitely surprising everyone, so far!

This week, he keeps wheeling himself down to the Rehab unit's gym. Much to the staff's consternation, since they don't always have staff available to watch out for him, when he suddenly decides to work out.

They say he will not be released for another 2-3 weeks. But they have issued him a pass to go home, for a day, this weekend. And, he gets to graduate to using a walker. Am just glad that stroke victims do not have to worry about relapse/future strokes if they take the right meds and do the right things. Wish those with MS had more of the same chances, too!

Minai

Thank you, Chris!

Yes, it sure looks that way, so far

Minai

good to hear he is doing so well....keep us updated on how things are going...

chris

How exciting that he can go home - even for a while! He sounds like an optimistic kind of person which, coupled with his attitude, goes a long way.

As for RRMS, I don't have that - I am PPMS and have been on antibiotics for very nearly (short 2 weeks) 2 years. I was on a walker and, having nothing to lose, -I was, according to my neurologist, AT LEAST 6.7.- I went on David Wheldon's protocol and have come most of the way back from hell. Before telling me he wanted no part of this at my request he told me I had come back to 2.5. That was last Dec. and my improvement has continued to this day.

Rica

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2010 5 years 4 months Now on Amoxicillin, Doxy, Rifampin, Azith, and caffeine in addition to  flagyl. 90% normal good days-50% normal bad days. That is a good thing.