This first words out of my mouth when the Dr told me I had MS was "I don't have time for this shit." His nurse told me she will always remember me saying that. I don't even know why I did to be honest with you....
As I was reading this thread, this is what went through my mind......
I'm angry, VERY angry.
What did I do to deserve this???
What if this is really NOT MS and I'm putting this needle in my leg every week of chemicals that might kill me???
Denial, you betcha!!
Redefine myself? I don't want to. I am who I am. I like me. I realize that not everyone does but they wouldn't even if I didn't have MS so no biggie there.
I too am guilty of almost a 24/7 obsession with the "what if" thought process of MS. I've seen it at it's extreme. I don't want to go there. I will not go there. I don't have the courage, faith, or desire to go there.
I'm not optimistic about a cure in my lifetime. Not at all. I don't believe in filling my body with chemicals, I'm not a better living through eating sea weed person, I don't believe anything I hear and only half what I see.
MS has taken my ability to feel (sensory) and my ability to FEEL (emotionally). Somedays I just sit and wait for the other shoe to drop. I don't know how I'll react. Somedays I end that thought with I won't care either.
Why get on with my life if my life isn't going anywhere?????? Why ask why when it's all for nothing???
These are things that roll around in my head. Especially on Fridays. Injection day. Wee Haw my (use to be) favorite night of the week). So excuse my rant...altered state of perception moment brought to you by the letter "A"