Dating Challenges

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Dating Challenges

Postby thinkingoutloud86 » Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:33 pm

hello to all,

while i've posted a few comments, i've probably been more of an observer...i've read a lot of poignant and touching comments by many members and thought i would vent a little bit. i am a thirty-something year old guy who had one significnat attack about 2 years ago. i was pretty sick for about a year, but eventyually slowly recovered. these days, i've been pretty fortunate in that i only have a few mild symptoms, that are not visible. the attack derailed many aspects of my life, but i've been able to rebuild much of it.

i know compared to how others are doing, i may be pretty lucky. that being said, i've been in the dumps lately. in the past few months, i've re-entered the dating world (i had been out of it for a few years). not always a friendly game to begin with. sometimes, i forget i have MS and feel that i can date the same type of women i have before i became sick. other times, i feel like i have to give in to the disease and settle with someone who i have less feelings for.

recently, i was dating a woman who i was really starting to like. to be honest, this was the first woman i've liked in several years. eventually, it led to sleeping together. while not unexpected, it was still a little surprising. thus, i did not bring the "magic blue pill" that can help in these situations. ever since i've had this lesion on my spine, this type of activity has been more of a challenge. to make a long story shorter, while it went okay, it didn't go perfect. i was pretty embarassed and ended up leaving that night. suffice to say, she wasn't happy. i did not have a feel if she would even be accepting of the MS, so i kept that private, but tried to expalin it in more general terms, while still apologizing. she dumped me.

tonight, i went out on a date with a new woman and listened to her (a nice gal) go on and on about people she knew who had ALS and MS and how fortunate WE are that we don't have these conditions. it was strange in that she was the one who brought it up and i just sat and listened.

thanks in advance to all who take the time to read this.

thinkingoutloud
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Postby REDHAIRANDTEMPER » Thu Jan 25, 2007 9:11 am

know the feeling....i have three boys and have problems with no feeling in my right side..and most recently had what the dr is pretty sure some type of seizure....now am back out in the dating scene after being married for 7 yrs..first off it hard enough getting out there with added baggage..cause no offense to the guys around here but most guys dont like dating a women who has kids....now have dated a couple of guys who were okay with me having kids..however wh i metioned the problems i have right now..could almost see it intheir eyes the look of how am i going to get out of here without upsetting her to much...now for me i believe i need to explain what is going on with me to someone if i am interested in them...cause i know i would want to know if i was starting to care for someone..not because i would leave them but cause its only fair...i'm not resentful at the guys i who bagged out...i understand that it isnt something they want to deal with but would like for them to be honest about the reason why ....not give me a line...so on the other side there i get what ya are saying..it took me a while to decide if i was going to tell anyone about my problems when dating..but weither i want to or not it is now a part of who i am.....and i have to tell them the good and bad....

anyways just wanted ya to know you arent alone....its hard and not always fun....hang in there am sure things will get better

chris
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Postby Lizzy » Thu Jan 25, 2007 1:47 pm

I'm 35, dxed 3 years - i met an amazing man 1.5 years ago and we are still together. I told him that i had MS right after the first time we were intimate - i mean right after, and then apologized for not telling him earlier. It is a mixed bag, my symptoms are mild, and my activity level has not changed at all - i have always been a runner and have run 4 marathons since being dxed - there is pain and tingles sometimes - also with some eye issues, but im pushing on. My MS has changed how i deal with things in the relationship, some good some bad. .i took things slowly in the beginning and am still getting to know him in some ways, we talk about my MS (sometimes in a very unattached way. . ie we talk about all the MS research out there) - when we do talk about our relationship i have brought up that i am concerned about sharing much of this disease with other people and that it scares the dickens out of me, he has a different view that "things just happen", it plays a part in the relationship, but not a leading role. MS has made me not sweat the small stuff and in some weird way given me confidence - he was attracted to these qualities, maybe if i didnt have it, he never would have asked me out. I don’t know, it’s a hard road - but dont give up, much joy has come out of this relationship for me. . i dont know what the future holds for us, i also dont know what the future of my MS is. . the journey is going to be interesting.
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Postby thinkingoutloud86 » Thu Jan 25, 2007 5:11 pm

chris and lizzy...thanks for the feedback and support...my guess is that this is going is not going to be the last of this topic...you both mentioned different time tables on when to share this with someone...it seems to me that there is no exact answer for that...maybe it is one of those things that i'll just end up having to go by instinct..anyways, the dumps from yesterday are gone...thanks again...

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Postby REDHAIRANDTEMPER » Fri Jan 26, 2007 9:54 am

ANYTIME...glad to know ya are doing better today...and yes it is different for each person..depends on how ya feel about..more of instinct is correct...good luck and yes am sure this wont be the last we all talk about this...good luck

chris
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