my girlfriend

If it's on your mind and it has to do with multiple sclerosis in any way, post it here.

Postby Loobie » Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:24 am

SixSix,

That reallly sucks. I don't know what to say except that my prayers are with you through this hard time. There is no way anything I could say to make it easier but just know we are grieving with you.

Take care,
Lew
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Postby SIXSIX » Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:42 am

I rally appreciate all of the feedback. It really does not help to eade the pain. When I get like this my whole body just shuts down and makes everything worse. My walking is really bad and my balance my strenght everything has gotten real tough. My right side especially has just gotten so bad. This relaationship was very important and special to me. The other thing is that this was official yesterday she packed my things while i was in tears and told me I had to leave. Then she decides to go out with her friends the same night till 3 in the morning so I can really tell how much this meant. If she could have at least felt some sort of sympathy about this. It all just really is painful. I bought her a ring for Christmas to promise her that I was going to get better for her. It ended up being a even bigger smack in the face.
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Postby itsjustme » Mon Feb 19, 2007 12:12 pm

Hi SIXSIX,

I don't know you, nor do I know your girlfriend. But after reading your short story I feel like exclaiming:

"Good riddance to bad rubbish".
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Postby Lyon » Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:12 pm

SIXSIX,

Life is long and there are going to be good times and bad times. I'm pretty sure you know that already.

Right now it seems the pain is never going to ease, but the pain will eventually ease.

It really sounds that it was inevitable that she was going to leave you sooner or later. It doesn't sound like she was in it for the long haul. I know it sounds heartless, and I'm sorry, but sometimes it's better to get a thing over and done with so that you can go on to the next phase of your life.

Even if there were some perfect thing you might have said or done to convince her to hang around a while longer....you just would have been postponing your pain until later.

Not the things you want to hear but in hindsight you'll see that it's true.

Bob
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Postby REDHAIRANDTEMPER » Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:42 pm

SIX,
sorry to hear about the situation..i know its hard...there isnt anything anyone can say that will make it go away....think postivie that it will make you stronger as a person somehow....might not seem that way now but in the long run it will.....i have a guy who wavers back and forth with me....or he did about 5 months ago..then finally i sat him down and said either you will help me thru this or ya wont..if ya feel uncomfortable then you need to leave...well fortunaly for me he took it to heart and thought about it....sometimes ya have to be blunt about it with someone close just to make them understand that this will make days where ya dont or cant move very well...its hard..i mean dating is hard enough but then add this on there and it makes it harder..i know how it hurts with that stuff..but hopefully you will start to feel a little better everyday...

chris
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Postby SIXSIX » Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:53 pm

It is very unfortunate to have to feel like this. I know that there is a reason for this. It definitely feel bad. I will stop beating myself up. I can only cry for so long. It makes me even more determined to beat this. I know It is a matter of time. I will learn everything I can from this and talk to as many people as I can. It is only people with this disease that can really relate to this type of pain.
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Postby robbie » Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:13 pm

If my wife left me i wouldn't blame her a bit, I love her and want a good life for her. It's not anyones fault. this is bigger than relationships, it's life sitting on a fence, just don't be mad at her shes just as hurt as you..
Had ms for over 19 years now.
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Postby Lyon » Mon Feb 19, 2007 4:01 pm

robbie wrote:If my wife left me i wouldn't blame her a bit, I love her and want a good life for her. It's not anyones fault. this is bigger than relationships, it's life sitting on a fence, just don't be mad at her shes just as hurt as you..
It's not comfortable to think about, but you're absolutely right robbie.
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Postby marcstck » Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:34 pm

Sixsix,

Heartbreak can be just as debilitating as a physically grievous injury. Unfortunately, the only way out is through. You must allow yourself to feel the pain, and to process the experience. There is no magic cure, no potion that can take away the anguish. Just try to take care of yourself physically, make sure you eat nutritional food and try to get enough sleep. This disease is hard enough without additional mental anguish, so it is imperative that you treat yourself right.

I've had my heart seriously broken on a number of occasions. In retrospect, the reality is that I probably never should have been with any of those women. Love, lust, and dependency can blind you to the faults of a person. The fact that this woman left you under the circumstances you described just illustrates what a flawed human being she is. You're actually very lucky that this relationship wasn't formalized at all, because that would make the mess even harder to clean up.

Try to remember that others have gone through this before you, and have lived to tell the tale. I know that such knowledge is not salve for your wounds, but keep in mind that although you feel quite alone right now what you're experiencing is a universal constant. Ultimately, it will be time that will heal your wounds. You can't really do anything to speed up the process, but you can slow it down by relentlessly reliving the poisoned relationship in your mind, and by allowing your physical state to deteriorate.

Be well my friend. There are happier days ahead...
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Postby SIXSIX » Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:42 pm

Thanks man I went to the doctor today and got some medication called clonazepam it really helped with the anxiety. I feel real good and am looking for a good nights rest.
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Postby JFH » Tue Feb 20, 2007 1:31 am

66

Here's a reputable site for you, and others in the same boat.

http://www.desertionsurvivors.org.uk/dsorguk/jos/index.php
John
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Postby Lyon » Tue Feb 20, 2007 6:00 am

SIXSIX wrote:Thanks man I went to the doctor today and got some medication called clonazepam it really helped with the anxiety. I feel real good and am looking for a good nights rest.
That, a couple of beers, and an endless loop of Foghat's "Third Time Lucky" REALLY LOUD will help make this time just a blurry memory.
Bob

Third Time Lucky:

It's all behind me
There's good luck up ahead
Can't break what's left of my heart
Once bitten twice shy
I hate to see it all fall apart
First love I had I was seventeen and I was younger
Love to us was some kind of game
And all my letters said I would never forget her
Now I can't recall her name
The first time I was a fool
never knew that love could be so cruel
It happened again
Third time lucky
Oh Yeah
I was in love one time
I thought it was the real thing
But I kept the feelings to myself
Afraid to show them
Expecting her to know
It's the reason she found someone else
It's all behind me
There's good luck up ahead
Can't break what's left of my heart
Once bitten twice shy
I hate to see it all fall apart
The first time I was a fool
never knew that love could be so cruel
It happened again
Third time lucky
Oh Yeah
The first time I was a fool
never knew that love could be so cruel
It happened again
Third time lucky
Oh Yeah
The first time I was a fool
never knew that love could be so cruel
It happened again
Third time lucky
Oh Yeah
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Postby connieb » Tue Feb 20, 2007 7:56 am

Here is the problem I have with Harry's statistic: it serves absolutely no constructive purpose but has the potential to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course we all know that we should work hard on keeping our relationships strong and viable, but focusing on negative outcomes at the outset in this manner can only harm any relationship. If they are not right for each other, people break up and break each others hearts for all sorts of reasons, MS or no MS: she is pregnant, she can't get pregnant, he works too much, he doesn't work enough. she is too good looking, he is not good looking enough... To be very low-brow (a dangerous exercise given the intellectual profile of this site!) about it-- Tom Brady broke up with his pregnant girlfriend; Mitt Romney is still with his wife who's had MS for years. Personally, I can say with conviction that there is absolutely nothing short of hurting our children that my husband of 20 years could do or suffer from that would make me leave him, despite all the ups and downs and sideways we've had over the years. After all, the wedding vows (and yes that's what they are to me-- vows) talk about sickness and health, wealth and poverty, and leave out comments and statistics such as -- 2 out of 3 marriages end in divorce so please remember that the odds are against you and this whole thing probably won't work. I guess, SIXSIX, this is very long-winded way of echoing a previous poster-- good riddance to bad rubbish, she wasn't right for you in the first place and if it wasn't MS it would have been something else. (No, I don't think you should feel any compassion for her-- she certainly doesn't seem to be hurting in any way.) And somebody else some day WILL be right! And sh8un, congratulations on your upcoming marriage-- you have so much to look forward to! :D
Last edited by connieb on Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby gwa » Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:28 am

Another thing sixsix, with this disease you are wasting your breath promising someone that you will get better.

That is wishful thinking which may not pan out. So why drive yourself nuts trying to stick to this type of promise?

Find someone that will love and accept you for what you are, warts, crummy health and all.

gwa
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Postby HarryZ » Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:32 am

Connieb,

connieb wrote:Here is the problem I have with Harry's statistic: it serves absolutely no constructive purpose but has the potential to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course we all know that we should work hard on keeping our relationships strong and viable, but focusing on negative outcomes at the outset in this manner can only harm any relationship.


SIX, this is very long-winded way of echoing a previous poster-- good riddance to bad rubbish, she wasn't right for you in the first place and if it wasn't


I find it utterly amazing how readers can place a different perspective on certain comments but I guess that is what makes these forums so very interesting!

You found my quote on a factual statistic to be negative and serve no purpose. Ignoring it certainly won't make it go away and the harsh reality of the added difficulty of relationships involving MS will still exist. You can use stats any way you want and this one is no exception. Couples can give up before they start or they can work even harder to make their relationship succeed.

And at the same time you agree with referring to Six's once lovable friend as "bad rubbish". Good grief....talk about saying something "negative" about a person he loved so much!!!

Like I said, it does make these forums quite interesting.

Harry
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