Lori, thanks for the hint, but I am not sure I want to ease my mourning over the lost health by taking pills. I am sure my neurologist wanted to calm me.
I don't want to butt into your business because this is obviously a very hard time for you mentally and you seem to have your mind already made up that your future is hopeless. On the other hand I don't think you would be writing to this forum if some small part of your mind wasn't looking for justification in hope.
First, REGARDLESS of what the future of MS holds, it's logical and extremely likely that the stress you are dealing with right this minute has a direct and negative impact on the course of your MS....if you are indeed found to have MS. At this point taking some medicine to calm your nerves might be the most beneficial thing for your health that you could do.
Second, I also believe that astrology is a bunch of hogwash and I'm the least touchy-feely person in the world, but negative thoughts of the caliber you are dealing with can create a self fulfilling prophecy for anyone, not just those with MS. If you go to enough effort to convince yourself that the worst is going to happen, it will.
I know you're new to this and are at wit's end but take a deep breath and THINK.......what is this that you are doing to yourself going to accomplish? It's impossible not to worry right now but this level of worry is only going to make the inevitable that much worse. There is absolutely no benefit in worrying and stressing.
I have to say that if nothing else this thread has done my old heart some good because you've somehow gotten some diehard pragmatics......maybe even negative people to say some pretty doggone positive things!
Seriously, listen to Lori and take some medication to calm your nerves, even if only for a month or so. Consider it false courage or whatever you'd like but it will help you.