thank you all soooo much for your responses. it's extremely comforting to have people acknowledge my worries as legitimate worries. I have an amazing family, and i feel so incredibly lucky, but i've been frustrated because esp. my mother, she seems to try and pass it off as something else - and I talked (well, cried) on the phone to my dad last night, and he made me realize the only reason she's doing this is because until we officially have a diagnosis, she doesn't want to admit that her daughter could ultimately have a chronic disease. Makes complete sense - but i guess i never thought of it that way!
and thank you so much for all of your advice. I keep telling myself that no matter what -even if it is MS- I'm just determined to become the healthiest version of myself that I can be. I recently signed up for unlimited monthly pass to a great yoga studio by my apt., i already try to limit the artificial sweeteners (that aspartame stuff scares me!), and there's a great local farmers market near my apt. where i've started getting fresh fruits and vegetables weekly. but i want to do more. I'll be honest - i could stand to lose a few pounds i guess - but i also am determined to become a runner. I'm obviously not at the stage of the disease yet where my walking ability is affected, and i've always wanted to become a runner - so that's what i'm going to do, while i still can. i'm determined. i've also been thinking for awhile about signing up for the 3 day, 60 mile breast cancer walk in DC in October with a friend. I am a healthy 23 year old with working legs and there's no reason I shouldn't be able to do that! I also, in september when the stress of everything started (i originally was convinced it was a tumor) i started taking a weekly meditation class, which, while i'm not usually one for that kind of stuff, has helped some i think.
and i will mention those tests to my doctors. I had a pretty thorough blood work up back in september when this hell started - everything checked out fine. Sugar, blood cell count, chem panel, but i do also want to be tested for B12 deficiency. For awhile i thought i was having what seemed to be carpal tunnel (lean on my elbows a lot at the computer at work, told it was from pressure on the ulnar nerve) and started taking B supplements lately and it's gone. Not sure if it's the placebo effect (??) though - thinking it's supposed to help when it really doesn't! Fortunately my dad works in the medical field (does cancer research- he reminds me i need to be grateful i don't have that!) and so through the connections and friends he's made for the past 30 years, he said if it comes down to it he'll help find me the best neurologist he can. Apparently my area (DC) is a good place to be in for MS, where apparently it's rampant and there are lots of resources for it.
finally- and this may sound a little cheesy- but has anyone been reading or participating in the Eckhart Tolle/Oprah book club for "A New Earth?" i haven't really gotten into it yet but from the little bit i have read and seen on the online shows - it seems to be great advice and wisdom about living for each day. it's made me realize that, despite the weird vision, right now, right this second, i am perfectly capable of doing everything my peers are capable of doing, and that tomorrow isn't promised for anyone - MS or not! i also have to realize (easier said than done) that the only person or thing that can let MS ruin my life is ME. if i dont' let these worries bother me- they won't!
Again, thank you all for your support, kind words, and advice. It means the world to me!!