There must have been something in the air last night Joan. I had an emotional time last night as well. Same thing, not being able to see forward with any hope. I haven't cried much over my MS, maybe 3 times over 7 years counting last night. I'm just not put together to boo hoo about much that happens to me (I cry like a kid at movies and stuff, but you know the diff.), but sometimes the relentless "it never goes away " just gets to you. I had been in contact with a fellow MS'er who is not doing so hot and after I read the EDSS scale and read about the number he is at, I just lost it. Probably as much for me as for him, but when you have got glimpses into how f'ed up this can get, it can be unsettling. I read his number and even though I'm not there, I've felt enough MS to understand what he's going through. Man can it get tough sometimes. I used this to describe MS to my wife the other day.
"MS sucks because unlike cancer and other horrible diseases, it robs your life away, but leaves you around to watch it live and in color". I mean I don't wish cancer on myself or anyone, but sometimes you just get frustrated that there are other horrible diseases which you can at least try and fight and sometimes win. With this shit, you try and get in the way, but somehow it always seems to find it's way through a crack eventually. I absolutely hate my MS right now. Not that I ever liked it, but I'm really pissed at it right now and not wanting to be OK with it at all.