This Is MS Multiple Sclerosis Community: Knowledge & Support

arti,

I don't mind your disagreeing with me. If you go over MrsG's posts, she has discussed a lot of problems she is facing lately, not just financial issues, and having a baby is difficult in the best of times.

It is much easier to cope with parenthood when the conditions are less stressful.

gwa

gwa - we have considered the financial element of having a child. Adam is now back in work so money issues are not a big concern any longer. Ultimately i could cut a number of personal luxuries to be able to afford the necessitys of a child. have you ever considered the love, experience and rewards of having a child that would be missed out on if money were the only concern?

Jimmy - the truth is I don't have a regimen. I am following a weight loss plan which is essentially a healthy balanced diet - lots of fresh fruit and veg. I eat very little meat and don't drink or smoke. I take just one multi-vitamin/folic acid tablet a day.

MrsG, I have 2 sons and a granddaughter, so am quite familiar with your points.

As far as you are concerned, you have made mention several times that your husband is not a good helper for you and that you are responsible for the majority of the housekeeping in addition to holding down a full time job. This may also translate into the fact that you would be responsible for the child's care.

At one point you described sitting and crying while your mother cleaned your flat. This is the type of things I have thrown out for you to consider because it is REALLY hard to have to get up at night with a small child, and not get enough sleep, especially with a disease such as MS, which tends to kick your rear if you do not get adequate sleep. If you are primarily responsible for the upkeep of the house too, it is a very difficult task.

You have also indicated that you are not feeling well and that your meds are not working for you. How are you going, at this point in your life, to handle all of the extra stress of a baby even if they are cute and cuddly?

I am not a baby hater or a financial guru, but these are the types of things I would be considering, especially if I had not had children before getting ill. Too many times people don't look at all sides of an issue and then want to drop off their kids at the church, ring the doorbell
and run.

You have a lot on your plate to consider. You are also very young with many years ahead to have a family.

gwa

Good to know that nothing goes unnoticed and is drawn again as a weapon. I tend to post about the extremes and generally what is bothering/stressing me. What may be true in one moment is not necessarily the norm. I probably owe my husband an apology for not rushing on here to tell you all about how great he has been since my last relapse, how he finally gets it and has been making so much effort to make my life easier.

I feel incredibly patronised and under attack gwa, which is something i really didn't need at the moment.

Please could a mod lock/delete this thread. I started it to empty my head about what was going on. The original purpose of the post is no longer an issue, clearly much to the relief of at least one person!

Gwa I think you need to back off from MrsGeorge, who has been through a lot recently, I also thought your post was rather insensitive about such a sensitive topic.

Sometimes Gwa cold hard logic can be, well, cold and hard, eh?

You are right. I apologize to MrsG. Didn't mean to be insensitive.

gwa

Hang in there Mrs G, You are in my prayers!

CF

I am also trying to have a baby and have recently had a miscarriage.

gwa, I was really shocked and offended by your comments. Wow. I will suppose you meant only to be helpful and were showing concern, but tact really goes a long way.

Anyhow, MrsGeorge, I think two miscarriages is definitely cause enough to get checked out. Have you had your hormones checked at all? You could have an imbalance, which could certainly cause miscarriage and headaches.

Ever since my m/c in July, my cycle has completely changed. Longer, and the symptoms are sooo much stronger. It's kind of like being 13 again.

I just got a negative myself last weekend and it's so damned depressing!
If you ever want to PM me I am happy to chat or commiserate.

Wow....real drama on the forums.

I am going to stick my nose in here: I have MS. I have an 18 month old son. I have a daughter due to be born in 6 weeks. Whereas I intend on not having anymore children after this baby arrives, I want to say that if you want to be a mom more than anything, keep striving for it! Through all the times that MS will cause you frustration and anguish you will always have the pure joy and innocence of your child(ren) to pick you up. Kids are a whole heck of alot of work, but it is worth it.

Good Luck!

what if u can't do the work, i don't think what gwa said was offensive she was just keeping it real.there must be more thought put into this kind of decision, decisions are much eaiser when the ms hasn't got that bad yet.

_________________
Had ms for over 19 years now.

True. So do the work while you can. If it something you value in life then go for it.

Robbie, I agree with everything you said:

I think that's actually the part that got my back up, the assumption that thought wasn't put into it.

The question to me is...after an MS diagnosis, when do we give up on our hopes and dreams?
Which is worse...hard times raising a child, or 15 years down the line looking back and wishing that you had chanced it?
I would go for it.
Now, that said, my life has been a series of dealing with past decisions made. I've always had a "go for it" attitude. The daily fallout is sometimes difficult, but the big picture? I own a home, own a business, have 4 children and 4 grandchildren with one more coming. Would I trade any of that for "safety"? Heck no.
MS is difficult enough to deal with. It has robbed me of hope at times. I have to be careful not to make decisions based on MS possibilities.
If I would have done something pre-MS, and if I am capable TODAY, then I do it.
Today, I will tear the floor out of my kitchen. There are those who thought my kitchen was "good enough". I hated it. My momentum was lost when I decided to move my work office. Took a good month from the kitchen remodel. Back to it today, and when it is done, I will enjoy it immensely and be proud of the accomplishment.
Don't throw in the towel, Mrs George. This is YOUR life. Make yourself a jug of Pimms, think of all the good things the future holds, and go for it.
You deserve all that you dream of.
Terry

I have to comment on this thread. I think what is being dealt with here is emotional decisions vs. pragmatic decisions. Having a baby is sssooooo emotional. I mean all of us that have kids understand that. But there's also that pragmatic side to every decision. Without sounding like a wishy washy wuss boy, both sides of this equation are absolutely right. I agree that you should never give up your dreams of having a family since I don't think there is a more desirable thing to have than a family, and they all start as those little "effort filled money sucking little wonderful creatures". There really is no way to pop them out at 16 (not to mention that it would probably kill you ).

So it's an emotional decsion that is wonderful to make, but while MS shouldn't be seen as dictating every decision we make; huge, life altering decisions should be tempered with the reality of it. I'm glad I had my kid when I did because if I was asked to make that decision right here and now, I wouldn't, so if you feel you can handle it together as a family, hell yes go for it. If you feel it would tear everything down, then you must think long and hard. It's as simple as that. I think G is always looking out for all our best interests and I don't think this time is any different. She is just our serious one that stays in the head more and I, for one, oft times really need, and heed, her advice. It's just when you throw the emotions of having a child against the cold hard reality of MS, it can get.....well emotional.

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http://myhopefuljourneyintoactualmsreco ... ogspot.com