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If it's on your mind and it has to do with multiple sclerosis in any way, post it here.

Postby EyeDoc » Sat Oct 25, 2008 11:58 am

I think the last two responses are wonderful and well thought out advice. Cheers :)
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Postby robbie » Sat Oct 25, 2008 12:45 pm

True. So do the work while you can. If it something you value in life then go for it.

thats the bottom line eye doc, for anything in life.
Had ms for over 19 years now.
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Postby MrsGeorge » Mon Oct 27, 2008 1:57 am

This has turned into quite a debate. I have been avoiding it because it is a sensitive topic for me. The truth is I get frustrated at people who have children without thinking ahead or planning it or making a real decision. Having a baby is something that Adam and I have wanted for years and something we made a well-discussed decision about 3 years ago, before MS was ever anything other than a horrible thing that happened to other people. We re-made that decision after my dx. I put trying on hold earlier this year while my health was poor even though it broke my heart and we are just recently starting to try again.

Being a mother is what I have always wanted to be, more than the career that I love or anything else. Should having MS stop me? Now that the syptoms of my last relapse are finally fadnig and i am gettting back to 'normal' should I put my life on hold in case I have another relapse in 6 months or 6 years? I have thought about all sides of this argument, and I know that it will be hard work, I know what stresses it will put on my body, I know that it is a massive financial commitment and I have considered the impact of a parent with MS on a child. I also know that I have a big, supportive family, I know that I have a husband who (although it took him some time to get to grips) is supportive, will always be a provider and will be an amazing father. I know that I will be a great mother and I know that I will have to (and be happy) to go without my luxuries so that my child can have everything it needs. If I give up my dreams for MS now I will resent and regret it for the rest of my life.
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Postby MissDee » Mon Oct 27, 2008 6:30 am

Well said Mrs. George! I hope and pray your dream comes true soon.
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Postby EyeDoc » Mon Oct 27, 2008 11:38 am

MrsGeorge wrote:This has turned into quite a debate. I have been avoiding it because it is a sensitive topic for me. The truth is I get frustrated at people who have children without thinking ahead or planning it or making a real decision. Having a baby is something that Adam and I have wanted for years and something we made a well-discussed decision about 3 years ago, before MS was ever anything other than a horrible thing that happened to other people. We re-made that decision after my dx. I put trying on hold earlier this year while my health was poor even though it broke my heart and we are just recently starting to try again.

Being a mother is what I have always wanted to be, more than the career that I love or anything else. Should having MS stop me? Now that the syptoms of my last relapse are finally fadnig and i am gettting back to 'normal' should I put my life on hold in case I have another relapse in 6 months or 6 years? I have thought about all sides of this argument, and I know that it will be hard work, I know what stresses it will put on my body, I know that it is a massive financial commitment and I have considered the impact of a parent with MS on a child. I also know that I have a big, supportive family, I know that I have a husband who (although it took him some time to get to grips) is supportive, will always be a provider and will be an amazing father. I know that I will be a great mother and I know that I will have to (and be happy) to go without my luxuries so that my child can have everything it needs. If I give up my dreams for MS now I will resent and regret it for the rest of my life.


Best of luck to you, and it sounds like your future child (or children) will have a great mom!
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Postby RedSonja » Tue Oct 28, 2008 12:55 am

Mrs. George, as a Mum of two teenagers I can give you some advice, I think.

1. get a household help, even if only for a few months after the birth. These ladies are not expensive, and it is such a relief. Don't clean the house out of habit, wait till it gets dirty. Don't iron anything.

2. babies are very nice, but when you have them you can't do anything else. So don't worry too much about money, you won't get chance to spend it. Shopping for more than essentials is a no-no. Holidays from now on will be child oriented, so roll out the sandpit and the paddling pool. No more restaurant and cinema visits; even with a good babysitter, you have to come home to feed the child, get the babysitter home by midnight, etc, etc.

Having children is the nicest thing that can happen to anyone, the little arms round your neck... Enjoy it while you can, they grow so fast.
Bibo ergo sum
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Postby catfreak » Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:38 pm

Bravo Mrs George!!!!

I believe the debate has just been won...

CF
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Postby AllyB » Wed Oct 29, 2008 1:42 am

Hey guys
Jumping in at the end here, but I have 2 little boys, aged 7 & 5, so I am not that far from the nappies and night feeds, and still have a long way to go before they are independent...
I have to say that the thought of my husband & I being wiped out by a car crash worries me on a daily basis, while my ms, well, does not. If you have the RR type, and are reasonably ok, this disease is so unpreditable that I dont think it should prevent you from following your dream. Yes, having kids is a practical decision as well as an emotional one. So if it a burning need within you, and you have gone through all the stuff like, can I feed it & pay the mortgage, will I carry on working & how...then, it really boils down to realising the dream, which can bring its' own heartbreak. You are there now, Mrs.G, and I truely pray that you get your dream.
I also think that having a parent with ms is not necessarily a negative thing for a kid - my boys are much more compassionate and thoughtful of others, in part I think, because of my ms - when I am ill, or even just on Avonex day, they are so sweet, and it gives them the opportunity to care for someone else, in a small kid kind of way - if I am lying down, they will come and cuddle with me& watch some tv quietly, they will ask me if I would like a glass of water, they are much more eager to make their own beds, or fix themselves a snack when I am not well, so it improves their independence, and yet, when I am fine, they still expect me to fetch and carry for them as any kid that age does - but the seeds of caring are there. And before anyone gets indignant, I do not expect my kids to look after me, I do that myself, plus my husband is very involved with his sons' care, as is my mother in law - I also am fortunate enough to have someone to help with household chores - cleaning, ironing etc - so they are by no means slave labour! I only mention how sweet they can be to demonstrate the positive impact having a parent with this disease can have on a kid - they love Mom, therefore they want to help - it is a very loving and kind trait that I think more kids would benefit from developing - less about 'me' (and yes, I know that small kids are self-centered and should be developmentally), and more about 'others' - they automatically look out for younger kids, it is so cute.
Anyway, I have also benefited on occasion from Gwa's advice, and believe that what was said was said with the best of intentions - Lew, you are so right!
None of us know what the future holds, you can only make a decision based on your own here and now, obviously having considered the variables, and planning for the more commonn outcomes and eventualities, but that is it. It is always a leap of faith, at least to some extent - and Mrs. G. I hope you get to make your leap, and will pray for it.
Al
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