So sorry you find yourself here. I was standing where you are now 2 years ago. I just want to say- hang in there. Remember to breath (and sleep and eat) and take care of yourself.
I was also deathly worried that my husband would send himself into a relapse. He was scheduled to fly to Prague and conduct an orchestral recording session just two weeks after his diagnosis. I wanted him home, safe with me, but he wanted to go and do what he loves to do. He was up and walking after steroids, and assured me he would ask for help if he needed it. His neuro gave him the go ahead. I spent the whole week he was away praying and trying not to worry. It turned out to be the best thing for both of us. I learned that he was stronger than I thought, and that he knew his body well. He learned that he could still be himself.
You are both taking on new roles...as MS patient and spouse/caretaker. This will take more talking, listening and really hearing each other's needs. Your husband needs to feel in control. Let him ask you for help when he needs it. Let him go to work and feel like himself. When and if he can no longer do that, you'll both know.
Keep posting, reading, learning about MS. It seems overwhelming right now, but you will get a handle on all the medical mumbo jumbo and maybe even come to understand it! PM me if you want.
all the best,
the aging cheerleader
PS We're 2 years with no relapse or progression and my husband is still working and making me worry, so nothing is written in stone with MS. Just wanted to give you some hope....
Husband dx RRMS 3/07
dx dual jugular vein stenosis (CCSVI) 4/09