How to cope with "issues"?

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How to cope with "issues"?

Postby wifehasMS » Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:34 am

To make a long story short, my wife has had MS for at least 13 years. She has suffered through many exacerbations and resulting solumedrol treatments. As her neuro says "She is a very sick woman with a great many lesions".

My problem is that she is currently in the condition of needing care for all her personal hygeine issues. I need to know if there is any tricks or methods that I could use to overcome becoming repulsed and sometimes physically sick when trying to help her with these "issues".

Right now she is staying at her Sister's and she is careing for her. But she cannot continue to do this forever and I want to be able to do this for my wife.

I'm assuming that others on this Forum must have had to deal with this, and I'm hoping that you could share any information and ideas with me.

it has taken a while for me to get to the point of posting this request. Please don't think your comments or info is too simple or stupid or anything else, just post it, it might be just the thing I need.

Thanks,
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Postby robbie » Tue Jun 16, 2009 10:14 am

Hi my wife has had to clean up after me sometimes and it requires a lot of understanding and a lot of love. As hard as it is for you imagine how your wife feels.ms can be so humiliating it’s really something.Their really isn’t any tricks other than not having to do it in the first place but I realize that is sometimes impossible.
Had ms for over 19 years now.
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Postby peekaboo » Tue Jun 16, 2009 10:26 am

hello -

I am one that needs taking care of. I am not bed ridden but wheel chair bound. I have extreme spasticity and muscle weakness. Here are some things to do if you are up for the challenge.

incontinence - I wear adult pullups and get them delivered to my door (UPS) free w/ monthly orders. I purchase them at HDIS and if you mention MS you get a discount. This helps keeping any mess contained.
There are portable toilets/hanging bucket from a chair type frame. if your wife can transfer herself if it is located lets say next to the bed for those late night episodes.

bathing - if your wife is bed ridden get wet wipes for aka sponge bath also sold at HDIS if she can help you help her ...get a bath chair any plastic chair that would fit will do. you will have to learn how to transfer her. (later) if you can change out the shower head to one that can snake this is much easier to direct the water...i have one and it's great.

transfering - remember watch your back...use your leg muscles...square youself to your wife do not try to pull on one side use both arms remember a womans center of gravity is her rear end :oops: so if you need to pick her up for some reason ....

there is so much more feel free to PM me for more details

Holly
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Postby robbie » Tue Jun 16, 2009 12:01 pm

Hi wifehasms there are lots of physical devices you can get, seems like there is something for everything but I think your mental state has a lot to do with it at this stage. Being able to commit to a lifetime of helping your wife and having her get to a place where she wants the help, it’s tough
Had ms for over 19 years now.
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Postby wifehasMS » Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:53 pm

Holly and Robbie,
Thank you both for your replies.

Maybe i didn't explain well enough. My problem is finding some way to overcome being so disgusted and sickened so that I can actually provide her this type of care that she needs. I don't know if there is any way to do that. It just takes a special kind of person to be able to do this, I guess? I mean I was able to change diapers on my children and clean them, why can't i do the same for my wife? i don't understand it! If i could just find somebody who overcame this, maybe they could tell me how they did it?

Best Regards,
Cliff
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Postby peekaboo » Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:37 pm

Well i must praise you for recognizing a problem...What disgust you about her? Do other disable people disgust you?

Maybe you are going through the stages of death/loss...I can't remember them all but the first might be ANGER...somewhere in the stages there is acceptance...i would research this topic...believe me there are plenty of publications regarding this topic

May your higher power guide you
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Postby whyRwehere » Tue Jun 16, 2009 10:21 pm

I have cleaned a few messes, and the reason they are more difficult than diapers, is because it's not breast milk that was consumed and the result is a lot larger!! Get some masks if it's the smell that bothers you. I think you just need to face up to it and get it over with and it will just stop being a problem....just like every other problem in this world, just deal with it as best you can, you'll be a better person for it in the end.
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Postby Wonderfulworld » Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:22 am

Cliff
I suppose the bodily reaction of disgust at another persons smells/faeces etc is a clever reaction by our bodies IYKWIM - we find these things disgusting because our bodies are telling us that they'd be harmful to consume or go near. So don't feel bad about feeling aversion to the task. How hard it must be for your wife though, it's the thing I personally dread having my husband help me in that way.

I had to deal with my Gran occasionally who developed dementia. Love can overcome a lot but when it doesn't, face masks are good - get a strong-smelling 100% natural aromatherapy oil that you like, and that you can tolerate, and dab a few drops on the inside of a face-mask - you can then concentrate on that smell.

HTH
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Concussus Resurgo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RR-MS dx 1998 and Coeliac dx 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copaxone, Cymbalta. EPO, Fish Oils, Vitamin D3 2000 IU daily, Cal/Mag/Zinc, Multivitamin/mineral, Co-Enzyme Q10, Probiotics, Milk Thistle.
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Postby JenniferF » Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:00 am

Vicks vapor rub under the nose is a well-known trick for dealing with horrid-smelling tasks. Fresh air - opening a window and running an exhaust fan -- helps a lot, too. Cool air, and ice or ice water on the wrist help with nausea. (It can be helpful to quickly leave for a moment, regain your composure in a completely different space, and return when you are ready. Set up your situation to allow this safely.)

Mentally, any time you are dealing with something that is emotionally more than you can handle, focusing on the mechanics is helpful. Mentally ignore the 'meaning' and just execute the the task. I've never done adult nursing, but it has worked for a wide variety of similarly difficult tasks. (Which I won't list, lest I cost anyone their lunch, lol.)

Oh and another tip: think through your methods so that disposal is as quick and simple as possible. Queue up everything you'll need in advance, and plan to be able to bag up the whole mess and toss it in the outside trash ASAP.

If you are dealing with laundering, keep your washer empty, so that you can quickly put everything yucky into the machine and run a cycle to get it rinsed out. Typical human-mess laundry does well with one complete cold cycle just to rinse, then a full cycle (hot for feces) to wash, and then a third cycle to re-rinse. Dish soap is your friend.

Anything that can't go to the washer, toss out on the front lawn and hose down. Once it is fully hosed, use dish soap for the scrubbing phase. Then hose again to rinse. Air out in the sun (or, heck, the rain) for good measure. Nice thing about the hose - that cold water and you can be far away from the actual mess while it is messy.

Good luck.

Jen.
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Postby wifehasMS » Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:16 pm

Thank you all very much!! you all have given me the information that i needed and some wonderful tips and ideas.

I think I can get over it and get through it now. And, as sick as it may sound, that makes me very happy.

As i think about it now,i think i was probably mostly upset at not being able to help and feeling like i was a failure and let her down. I can't imagine how it must be for her!

Cliff
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