This Is MS Multiple Sclerosis Community: Knowledge & Support

Bubba, what you said makes perfect sense to me. I am the same way usually but I'm having a hard time lately being positive. I was actually accused by my doctor of not facing the truth because I was trying to be optimistic!! I don't think that people without chronic illnesses have any idea how hard it is to try and go on with your life everyday and not just sit and cry. Often times it is much easier to just give in to the depression and wallow. That's where I'm at right now but I'm trying to climb out. I believe that for me depression is both situational and caused by MS. Right now it's situational. I know that in the end feeling sorry for myself isn't gonna get me anywhere good.

This MS just sucks bigtime! I really have to push myself to keep from sitting down and falling apart. I understand what everyone is saying. I get so tired of putting on the smiley face for everybody that I could scream.

Cat

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Holly - Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd

9/3/09 Stanford - Dr Dake - Stent in R-J to unblock Arachnoid Cyst in Sigmoid Sinus. Stent in narrowed L-J. Balloon in narrowing where R & L Jugulars meet.

Catfreak said:



EXACTLY!! I'm constantly hiding how I truly feel when I'm down because I don't want to scare or worry anyone. It can be exhausting.

Scooby,

It is totally exhuasting!! I am so glad I work from home now and don't have to do it early every morning for a bunch of coworkers!! Yuk!!

I am not a fake person at all, but I get to feeling like that sometimes when I say "Oh I'm fine" when I want to say "I feel like I am dying can you help me??"



I went ahead and added some fake smiles for good measure.

But this is how I feel most of the time.

Cat

_________________
Holly - Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd

9/3/09 Stanford - Dr Dake - Stent in R-J to unblock Arachnoid Cyst in Sigmoid Sinus. Stent in narrowed L-J. Balloon in narrowing where R & L Jugulars meet.

Cat, if we were completely honest about how we feel sometimes we'd probably be committed!!
Judie

Thats funny because I was accused by my neuro of being in denial and angry with God! He wanted me to go on Prozac. I said I know what I have, I am just educating myself on it, is that okay? What a jerk..... Anyrate, when I start feeling bad, depressed, I just take a look around where I work at and see people alot worse of than me with real problems, then I start feeling ashamed of myself. Then I pick my head up and move on....

Judie,

Committed is probably right where I need to be sometimes.

But, Bubba is right, there are others worse off than I am. Soooo..... I will stop my pity party and suck it up. I have gotten really good at that too.

Cat

_________________
Holly - Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd

9/3/09 Stanford - Dr Dake - Stent in R-J to unblock Arachnoid Cyst in Sigmoid Sinus. Stent in narrowed L-J. Balloon in narrowing where R & L Jugulars meet.

I understand what you're saying Bubba but here's what I've decided-While others may have problems worse than yours, that doesn't mean your problems don't matter. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself once in awhile, just don't make it a habit. My gp thinks I am in denial also and always tries to give me anti-depressants but my neuro understands when I tell him how I'm coping. I tell him that sometimes I get down but I know that a better treatment will be found. And I truly do believe that. It's okay to get down about this stupid disease occasionally, in fact I think it's normal.

Cat, I know you and Bubba are right. Can't stay too long at the pity party before you start to disgust yourself. I think I'm about a day away from that

Oh goodness. I am glad to know I am not alone in that aspect. But I am truly sorry you are feeling this way. Even though I spend my time being optimistic and cry behind closed door, it is still better than moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes it is hard to get through this kind of pain. But even though my husband is deployed, I get to talk to him and he makes me feel better everyday. He supports me and tells me things like "Go get yourself something special." "Take the kids out for a walk in the park" or "I know you like pedicures, why don't you go get one?" I think I would have gone crazy if it was for him and my kids. But that still doesn't stop me from having an occasional "pity party" as you all put it. ^_^ I feel like it is okay to feel upset about this situation. Thank you all for your stories.

It's important to let go of your sadness and cry, but if you find that you are not sleeping at all, have high anxiety, and are totally hopeless, then you NEED to take action. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is very effective and a long term helpmate. In the case of my husband , we went to the UK and could not access this kind of therapy quickly enough, so he eventually broke down and took the prozac. He was very against it, but it helped. It also seemed to help the MS a bit, I think in the same way LDN does...it makes you feel better. Does prozac affect the pituitary? Anyhow, I just want to say, if it helps you stay alive (which it did in my husband's case), then it is not the end of the world to take the drug. We fought taking it for months and things got worse and worse; we had to try it, but by then everything had fallen apart. It took a year to be able to put things back together.

I am sorry to hear about your husband. I can tell you one thing, I am definitely no where near that stage. I don't believe in suicide. I will always have something to live for as long as I have my kids and my husband. Besides, I have a dream I wish to achieve and that is to be a top notch Fashion Designer. Thank you for sharing your story. <hugs>

Oh, thanks, things are good now. But that is the crazy thing with depression, he had no reason really, it's like a switch went off in his head one day,about 3 years after diagnosis. He wasn't sad, but he was under stress and I think that caused a physiological change in his brain. Then he was just hopeless and there was no way out. I really think the "MS" caused it.

Cat I know what you mean. I am 99% false with people these days, and I feel so fake, I no longer feel like myself. I've hidden a lot of the negative (but realistic) MS thoughts or facts under pleasantries and shallowness and lost my real self somewhere along the way. Don't like this feeling at all.

I agree WhyRweHere. I have found amongst my MS-friends a level of "I'm alright, I can keep on going without help" to a nearly insane level (I'm including myself in that too) and a real avoidance of helping fix the MS-mood problems. If you're out there and feeling really anxious and miserable do try a medication or CBT - you will lose very little by trying it and seeing will it help.

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Concussus Resurgo
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RR-MS dx 1998 and Coeliac dx 2003
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Copaxone, Cymbalta. EPO, Fish Oils, Vitamin D3 2000 IU daily, Cal/Mag/Zinc, Multivitamin/mineral, Co-Enzyme Q10, Probiotics, Milk Thistle.

I agree with y'all 100%.

I take Effexor XR in an attempt to keep my headaches low key. It can't hurt the MS depression, it could only help.

My headache has been very ugly for 2 months and nothing is helping. You just learn to deal with it and that can also get you down.



Cat

_________________
Holly - Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd

9/3/09 Stanford - Dr Dake - Stent in R-J to unblock Arachnoid Cyst in Sigmoid Sinus. Stent in narrowed L-J. Balloon in narrowing where R & L Jugulars meet.