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Postby Fayruz » Fri Sep 21, 2012 11:58 am

Hello everybody,

I am a 30 yr old female from Europe and I was diagnosed with MS in December 2011. It all started in November when one day I woke up and had a feeling like all my right side of the body has fallen asleep. To shorten the story...my MR showed one lesion in C2 - this one was causing me the problems and some really small lesions in other places. As you all know how it is I was shocked at first - I didn't really know a lot about MS, only the bad hings of course :wink:
I went to see a neurologist and she send me to do some tests - spinal something (I don't know the term in english, sorry) and the testing of the eye nerves. The spinal test came back positive for MS (actually it said more something like the results are leaning to this diagnose blahblahblah) and the eye nerves test came back negative. My neurologist wanted to put me on Copaxone before I did any of the tests and I declined that, so I am currently not on any drugs but I have to decide until my next appointment which will be in a few months. I usually make my decisions really fast, but this is the one I can't seem to make no matter how hard I try. I am afraid that if start this drugs I will feel sick - I don't mean the side effects but that I will start to feel sorry for myself and treat myself as a sick person.

Have to say that I am pretty lucky so far and I don't have symptoms for days and then just some vibrating sensation in my right leg or my right arm. So when that happens I just take some time off - I read a good book or something to take my mind off of it and then it stops.

I've been reading this forum a lot, just never decided to post anything but just the reading has sometimes gave me a positive attitude towards all this. In rl I don't know anybody with this diagnosis but sometimes I wish I did and could talk to them, just rant a bit and then feel better - it's such a womans thing isn't it? :lol:

To end this quite long post I would like to say that there are already a lot of things that this diagnosis has taught me - I appreciate the small things more and I try to count the good things and not focus on the bad ones.

Have a nice day/night :-D
Fayruz
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Re: Hello

Postby lyndacarol » Fri Sep 21, 2012 5:45 pm

Welcome to ThisIsMS, Fayruz. You may not have known anyone with the diagnosis of MS in the past, but now you have found a BIG group of friends who understand this disease only too well. We are here for you; we listened well to rantings, to questions, or just to talk; it is not just a "woman's thing," I know that men can feel isolated and alone too with MS (At times, it might be even MORE difficult for them.) – we are here for everyone.
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Re: Hello

Postby Fayruz » Sat Sep 22, 2012 9:57 am

Thank you lyndacarol for your welcome :)
I'm sorry I didn't mean that men shouldn't rant but that we women are more used to talking things through and I agree that it must be more difficult for men because they are mostly more used to keep things for themselves. My english is just not as good as it used to be because I am not using it that much lately.
Fayruz
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Re: Hello

Postby sophie447 » Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:13 pm

Fayruz wrote:Hello everybody,

I am afraid that if start this drugs I will feel sick - I don't mean the side effects but that I will start to feel sorry for myself and treat myself as a sick person.



Hi Fayruz, Welcome

I know what you mean when you say you will treat yourself as a sick person if you take drugs. I started Copaxone just 2 months ago. What I probably find hardest, iis having a daily reminder that I am sick. Before I took anything, I could go weeks or more without thinking about my 'probable' MS. Now, every morning before I start my day, injecting myself reminds me of the disease that might one day cripple me.

Injecting in itself, eventough is no fun, is not all that bad. Skin reactions are very un pleasant, but no more than that. I keep debating if I decided too fast to start injecting with Copax, if I should have waited for BG-12, if I should have chosen to do no meds, etc.

On a more positive note, I think I and you will eventually reach a new balance. It's all about adjusting to a new thing. No matter what, that's the way we always end up coping and move on. Happiness is not a state in itself, is is a state of mind.

Good luck to you.
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Re: Hello

Postby Fayruz » Mon Sep 24, 2012 4:09 am

sophie447 exactly! It's like a daily reminder of the illness and I do not think that is beneficiary for the stress level. I also agree with the balance thing, I think that in this 10 months I already achieved some kind of balance on most days, I still get freaked out when symptoms appear but not so much. I just don't know if it's the time to start a new thing in my life - such as injections every day. I will see what the doctors will say after they see the results of tests.

Actually it is quite amazing with what people cope and still live, have kids, marry, study etc. The first week after my diagnose I thought my world has collapsed and I was so overwhelmed with everything but with time I decided that I have a choice: I could let the MS affect every pore of my life and I can constantly be worried or I can try to live my life as before and know that maybe I'll have to make some adjustments. On most days I live by these decisions but for past 3 days I am really down. There is some feeling of tension in my right shoulder that I haven't felt for months and now I'm scared that it will lead to relapse. I've read that the symptoms come and go so I'm hoping it will be ok again in a few days.

Thank you sophie for your post and good luck to you too :)
Fayruz
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Re: Hello

Postby sophie447 » Mon Sep 24, 2012 3:55 pm

Before, when I was younger, I tought that being a little bit down or depressed what a really scary thing. I tought I should do everything in my power to never allow myself to be a even a little depressed. Now, I know that it is a normal thing. I won't let myself slip down, but I know that some bad days are just the normal course of one's life.

Hang in ther, there will be happier days.
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Re: Hello

Postby Fayruz » Tue Sep 25, 2012 5:58 am

I was thinking the same, I had "lower" days before my diagnosis...just the reason was different: job, family, money etc. and I also didn't allow myself just to feel low.

I am glad to report that today is a much better day. :) But it was so weird...last two days there were a lot of changes in air pressure and I've always felt "weathery", so yesterday evening a big storm came and in a minute my symptoms almost completely vanished.
Fayruz
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