Trying to decide...

A forum for parents with multiple sclerosis, and how to cope with family life when a parent has MS.

Trying to decide...

Postby shortcake » Fri Jan 07, 2011 3:59 pm

Hi! I'm a 31 (almost 32) year-old woman. I was diagnosed with MS in 2008 (although our suspicions are that I've had it since 2003 or so). Anyways, my hubby and I got married in July 2009.

I'm still trying to figure out if I should have a child or not... I feel like the clock's ticking and don't have much more time to think... I have many concerns about having a kid because of my MS.

I don't know anyone around me that has MS and is around my age, so I'm looking for advice, opinions from women with MS (or husbands of women with MS). What were your experiences like? Do you regret it?
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Postby lyndacarol » Fri Jan 07, 2011 6:51 pm

I gave birth to our only child, a son, when I was 32. I am so glad I did not miss the opportunity to be a mother! I have never regretted my decision.

There is much data to say that MS symptoms actually improve during the third trimester of pregnancy and breast-feeding.
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Postby shortcake » Sat Jan 08, 2011 6:57 pm

How did you feel after giving birth?

I've been reading that something like 90% of women have a relapse the first year after giving birth... And also that women with MS are more at risk of postpartum depression.
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Postby lyndacarol » Sat Jan 08, 2011 8:04 pm

I had no MS problems the year after our son was born. I do remember that nighttime feedings caught up to me about a month after his birth – I was so tired. I learned to sleep whenever he slept, night or day. I left many of the chores around the house just go; there is not enough energy to do everything. My husband did his part, of course; but his paying job did not allow him to pick up the slack for everything. Most people can exist with a little dust around the house, less-than-gourmet meals, etc.; baby comes first.

I may have had undiagnosed MS in the years before his birth, but the strongest symptom (the feeling of a constricting band around my upper left arm) came 10 years after his birth.

I remember being very emotional, even crying once when friends visited to see the new baby– because I was so very happy to have this beautiful baby boy! A strong case of endometriosis and even surgery for it (even the doctor didn't think pregnancy was possible) cast doubt on whether we would ever have a child. I suppose some people would have called this postpartum depression, but I was not depressed – I was elated.
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Postby sofia » Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:27 am

I was diagnosed at 26 years old in 2002. I was doing all right, and we decided to have a child in 2005. First one came along start of 2006. We had decided just to have just the one because of my ms.
Due to faith or should I say carelessness came along in 2007 :D

I think it is important to remebemer that the kids also have a father, that should be active in looking after them. And maybe not have more kids then he can cope with at the same time as he need to help and assist you if it should be needed.

Most of us ms patients cope rather well, for years and years. There is many ways of giving kids a good up-bringing. And as long as the dad is a good man and a good father, there is no reason to stay without kids.
you can still give them much even if you have ms, and they can enrich your life as well.

i don't think there is any reasons to keep from it, but I wouldn't as UI have got two.

There has been times when I have felt truly sorry for my kids, having such a poorly mum, and I do worry about the future sometimes. But most of the time I enjoy my kids, and most of the time they enjoy me :-)

But choosing a good father for them is even more important for us with ms.
<div>I have lived with ms for 8 years. The last year has been hell, I've gone from shite to even worse every single month, until my liberation in May. </div>
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Postby Wonderfulworld » Fri Feb 04, 2011 12:58 pm

Hi Shortcake
no I don't regret having a child. It has been the greatest joy of my life. I am not saying there are not tough days or moments, but there are for all parents, and I could never have guessed I would be so so happy to be a Mum. My little son is fabulous and keeps me from dwelling on my MS to be honest, I had to stop focussing on the negative and get on with things.

I was diagnosed with MS age 25, got married to my teenage sweetheart eventually age 31, had my son age 36 and I'm now 38.

I have RR-MS. At one stage I was told I had moved into 'worsening RR-MS' but I switched to Copaxone and it stabilised. I have significant fatigue so I send my son to a local creche for 2 mornings a week so I can rest. Although it's money I can hardly afford, it is worth it. If you have the money, get a cleaner in, use help.

I hope that helps and PM me if you want, it's a difficult decision by I have NO regrets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Concussus Resurgo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RR-MS dx 1998 and Coeliac dx 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copaxone, Cymbalta. EPO, Fish Oils, Vitamin D3 2000 IU daily, Cal/Mag/Zinc, Multivitamin/mineral, Co-Enzyme Q10, Probiotics, Milk Thistle.
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Postby Theotherhalf » Fri Feb 18, 2011 1:20 pm

My wife and I have 2 children. She was diagnosed in 2002 and the neurologist told us that we should have kids immediately if we were to have any. Our son was born in 2004 and all was fine. My wife had basically no visible symptoms although she had numbness in feet prior to our son. My wife desperately wanted a girl and against my better judgement, we tried. The things you do to make your spouse happy. 6 months after our daughter was born in 2007 (there was a miscarriage in between births), my wife had a major relapse where she lost the ability to walk and control her bladder and bowels for 6 weeks. She regained her mobility and bladder and bowel control but her walking and balance require walking aids.

The thing I can say about having kids: It has been tiring and difficult but it has also given purpose to my wife's life and helps us to focus on living rather than dwelling on what she has lost. She often comments on having lost a lot but having 2 wonderful children makes things better.
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Re: Trying to decide...

Postby ariehs » Tue Feb 05, 2013 3:15 pm

I'm a 30 y/o father with MS. I can only say that you AND your partner need to be aware going in what your limitations are, and that they might increase. There are times when I would LOVE to help my wife, and I simply can't. She takes on an extra burden. Both of our lives are better, for having our son, and we're planning a 2nd soon. I made sure she knew what she was getting into, and we deal with problems as they come up.
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