Dealing with an MS parent
Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 5:05 pm
Hello,
I'm posting here because I'm really not sure where else to turn for advice on this. My mother was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting MS in 1999. She has definitely declined since then, but is still pretty functional in terms of mobility, and less so dexterity. She has improved a good deal since starting Tysabri about one year ago. However, the cognitive decline has really been an issue as of late. She has marked emotional lability and needs to read or hear things several times, often more, to understand them. The most devastating impact of this problem has been on the family dynamic and my relationship with her.
She has always been a rather pessimistic and critical person, but in the past several months it's gotten to the point of being overwhelming. I am an only child and by most measures I am a good kid. More so than most of my peers, I was obedient and cooperative. I've always been a good student. I just graduated from an Ivy League school. Due to the state of the economy and job market, I'm back home temporarily with her and my dad while I look for work.
Surprisingly, the issue of finding work has not been a source of much conflict between us. Instead, she becomes very upset and offended over some of the most insignificant things. For example, if I forget to put ice in her water at dinner, or even things as mundane as my manner of dress or daily routine, if that makes sense. She becomes very passive aggressive, and acts like I've deliberately and deeply insulted her. When I try to talk to her about it, there is really no logical flow to the discussion. She constantly changes the subject or interjects with very hurtful remarks that have nothing to do with what we're talking about ("You don't care about me, you don't care about anything", "You look ridiculous" etc). She also constantly brings up a time that I lied to her seven years ago, as a 14 year old, about where I had been spending my time. Sometimes it's almost as if she makes a game of me trying to figure out why she is upset with me. When my dad is around he fends for me and she backs off but if I happen to be on my own it's really just unbearable.
It hurts very much to say this but it feels like I've already lost the mom I knew from my childhood.
On top of this is the issue of me being gay. My family is very small and I desperately want to be open with them about this part of my life, but I fear that there will be very serious, irreparable consequences on my already unhappy relationship with my mother if I come out. We are not religious by any means, but my mom has voiced some very negative opinions about gay people.
Getting this out has made me feel a bit better, but I would really appreciate some input or advice. Thank you.
I'm posting here because I'm really not sure where else to turn for advice on this. My mother was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting MS in 1999. She has definitely declined since then, but is still pretty functional in terms of mobility, and less so dexterity. She has improved a good deal since starting Tysabri about one year ago. However, the cognitive decline has really been an issue as of late. She has marked emotional lability and needs to read or hear things several times, often more, to understand them. The most devastating impact of this problem has been on the family dynamic and my relationship with her.
She has always been a rather pessimistic and critical person, but in the past several months it's gotten to the point of being overwhelming. I am an only child and by most measures I am a good kid. More so than most of my peers, I was obedient and cooperative. I've always been a good student. I just graduated from an Ivy League school. Due to the state of the economy and job market, I'm back home temporarily with her and my dad while I look for work.
Surprisingly, the issue of finding work has not been a source of much conflict between us. Instead, she becomes very upset and offended over some of the most insignificant things. For example, if I forget to put ice in her water at dinner, or even things as mundane as my manner of dress or daily routine, if that makes sense. She becomes very passive aggressive, and acts like I've deliberately and deeply insulted her. When I try to talk to her about it, there is really no logical flow to the discussion. She constantly changes the subject or interjects with very hurtful remarks that have nothing to do with what we're talking about ("You don't care about me, you don't care about anything", "You look ridiculous" etc). She also constantly brings up a time that I lied to her seven years ago, as a 14 year old, about where I had been spending my time. Sometimes it's almost as if she makes a game of me trying to figure out why she is upset with me. When my dad is around he fends for me and she backs off but if I happen to be on my own it's really just unbearable.
It hurts very much to say this but it feels like I've already lost the mom I knew from my childhood.
On top of this is the issue of me being gay. My family is very small and I desperately want to be open with them about this part of my life, but I fear that there will be very serious, irreparable consequences on my already unhappy relationship with my mother if I come out. We are not religious by any means, but my mom has voiced some very negative opinions about gay people.
Getting this out has made me feel a bit better, but I would really appreciate some input or advice. Thank you.