This Is MS Multiple Sclerosis Knowledge & Support Community

Catfreak said:

You just learn to deal with it and that can also get you down.

Yep!! I agree.

scoobyjude wrote:Catfreak said:

You just learn to deal with it and that can also get you down.

Yep!! I agree.

Ten-Four on that. But I have to keep pushing. No tellin how long it will be before I cant do it anymore..It may hurt to "push" now, but at least I can still push.

Laurennicholson wrote:

I can tell you one thing, I am definitely no where near that stage. I don't believe in suicide.

I don't feel the need to hurt myself.... I want to hurt the stupid people that think having MS is like having a cold and it just goes away with a pill or a shot. They don't understand why you aren't any better now than you were 2 weeks ago?? And say you look tired what's wrong?

That depresses me.....

Cat

Depression can arise from many sources, in my case many.
My upbringing was difficult- both my parents were alcoholics, I was molested, and I had to care for my dying mother and younger brother while I was in high school. Long before MS, I had plenty of reasons to be depressed (please spare me from the pity, I mention this all out of honesty).
Initially, I handled my diagnosis well, but when I had to leave nursing school, lost my mobility, and was no longer able to work, things started to fall apart. To add to things, my husband hasn't adjusted well- HE fell apart- he was used to me taking care of everything and being the strong one. I still do, and I still am. In the meantime, he's getting better.
So, I've had past trauma, the effects of MS the disease, and the effects of interferon treatment contributing to my depression. It's been hard to treat.
I don't believe in suicide either, but I couldn't help the suicidal ideations when they came. I've always been able to raise my hand and ask for help when I've needed it, and I've been able to manage those thoughts. They're fleeting thoughts now, with the help of 3 psych meds and bi-weekly talk therapy.
A difficult life has acclimated me to adversary, but the same life led me to identify strongly as a nurse. Realizing that 8 months after diagnosis, I could no longer fulfill that role lead me to an identity crisis. I really don't think that my past history of depression, the pathogenesis of MS, and the effects of interferons helped.

-Kay

Cat, Side note:
When people see me all gimpy with my cane, they usually ask, "what did you do to yourself?"
This REALLY bothers me. I know that it's hard for people to digest that I'm 29 and handicapped, but why do they always have to assume that I did this to myself?
It just pisses me off.
I would much rather someone say, "what the hell happened to you?"
It's so much less accusatory...

I'll tell you, depression is one beast that has never entered my life except for one time. When I was on interferons. I know you know the scoop on that, but those things were enough to make a non depressed person depressed, and back to normal when I went off of them. I say this to say that they cause physiological depression. I know you probably know that and I'm not trying to be condescending by pointing out something you already know, I just bring it up in case you are in any way blaming yourself for any of that. My sister is depressed and she always has a tendency to blame herself. That coupled with a depression antagonist? I really feel for you (not sorry, just compassion) and hope you can get some peace of mind. I can't imagine already being prone to depression and then throw and interferon on top of it.