How can I help my family?
Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:17 pm
Hi All,
I need some suggestions and I see here you have a strong community that seems to work well in helping each other. I hope you can help me..
My sister was diagnosed about 10 years ago. She moved back in with my parents in Toronto about 8 years ago so they can help care for her. She's now 42 and they are 70. I've watched my big sister's health and mental stability deteriorate over the years. My parent in their golden years (God bless them!) never even complain - but they are truly suffering with her and it's becoming more difficult for them. My mother hurt her back trying to help my sister get up from the toilet. Thankfully, she's recovered. But they live in this really big house that they can not maintain while also looking after her. They've literally dedicated the rest of their lives it seems to helping her. As a father myself - I can understand that. I don't think this can go on though as they are getting older and weaker and already struggle taking care of her.
My sister is living in pure misery. She's constantly being extremely disrespectful (screaming, swearing, insisting that she will soon be moving out, etc..). I'm sure that she has convinced herself that she is on her way to recovery and after all these years does not show any sign of accepting who she is nor what the rest of her life may look like. She literally never leaves the house. She's on the computer a lot - but doubt she has any sort of 'community' or friends since she seems to only ever complain and express her hate and disgust of her surroundings. She avoids seeing a neurologist unless a hit immobilizes her. Her limited interactions with neurologists are basically her delivering the diagnosis to the doctor insisting what she has is mercury poisoning from dental work 10 years ago that she's working on recovering. They've told my father they can't help her if she doesn't want to be helped (which is one red flag that I can use help with!) Their lives are truly miserable and I've stood by watching this for far too long.
I've been recently trying to feed the ideas to my dad that they either need to move to a smaller (handicap friendly) home. Or they need to move in with us (in Chicago and we'll buy a larger home). Or they need to find an appropriate facility to help take care of my sister. While my father is receptive to ideas - it seems like he's not really motivated to make any changes. I think they've just lived this way for so long that they can't imagine there could be a better way. I see some articles in the MS Society site about finding assisted living. I plan to call them to see what they might want to suggest as well.
I would love to hear from others on their thoughts or suggestions or anything really that might help me put some perspective on this.
Best wishes,
Lil Bother Geo
I need some suggestions and I see here you have a strong community that seems to work well in helping each other. I hope you can help me..
My sister was diagnosed about 10 years ago. She moved back in with my parents in Toronto about 8 years ago so they can help care for her. She's now 42 and they are 70. I've watched my big sister's health and mental stability deteriorate over the years. My parent in their golden years (God bless them!) never even complain - but they are truly suffering with her and it's becoming more difficult for them. My mother hurt her back trying to help my sister get up from the toilet. Thankfully, she's recovered. But they live in this really big house that they can not maintain while also looking after her. They've literally dedicated the rest of their lives it seems to helping her. As a father myself - I can understand that. I don't think this can go on though as they are getting older and weaker and already struggle taking care of her.
My sister is living in pure misery. She's constantly being extremely disrespectful (screaming, swearing, insisting that she will soon be moving out, etc..). I'm sure that she has convinced herself that she is on her way to recovery and after all these years does not show any sign of accepting who she is nor what the rest of her life may look like. She literally never leaves the house. She's on the computer a lot - but doubt she has any sort of 'community' or friends since she seems to only ever complain and express her hate and disgust of her surroundings. She avoids seeing a neurologist unless a hit immobilizes her. Her limited interactions with neurologists are basically her delivering the diagnosis to the doctor insisting what she has is mercury poisoning from dental work 10 years ago that she's working on recovering. They've told my father they can't help her if she doesn't want to be helped (which is one red flag that I can use help with!) Their lives are truly miserable and I've stood by watching this for far too long.
I've been recently trying to feed the ideas to my dad that they either need to move to a smaller (handicap friendly) home. Or they need to move in with us (in Chicago and we'll buy a larger home). Or they need to find an appropriate facility to help take care of my sister. While my father is receptive to ideas - it seems like he's not really motivated to make any changes. I think they've just lived this way for so long that they can't imagine there could be a better way. I see some articles in the MS Society site about finding assisted living. I plan to call them to see what they might want to suggest as well.
I would love to hear from others on their thoughts or suggestions or anything really that might help me put some perspective on this.
Best wishes,
Lil Bother Geo