This Is MS Multiple Sclerosis Knowledge & Support Community

To all that have been kind enough to respond thus far...and, anyone with an opinion on this topic...when do people generally share the "big secret" with prospective dates/relationships...even if something still comes from this gal, I know it would be way to early for my own comfort level...but, in the future...be it with this gal or someone else...how soon do you tell someone? On the one hand, it seems if you tell someone too soon...they'll be spooked by things and there isn't enough of a connection to withstand this added factor...on the other hand, if one waits too long, I could see someone feeling resentful that this was kept a secret for so long...any thoughts?

Chris...I am both happy and sad to hear that you are such a close neighbor...I don't know if you or your future hubby are big football fans, but your team is coming into our home this weekend for a big game. You don't own a cheese head...do you?

TOL

lol no we dont have cheese heads but we love to watch the games...we shall see what happens this weekend there in your state....hehehe..i wont hold it against you that your are from that state...lol.....as for when to tell someone .....i have always told them in the begining only cause its something that has to do with me.....i already have to tell them how many kids i have so this goes with it..package deal if they are interested in you for whatever reason they will stick around to learn more about you and the problems you have...its not like you are telling them to get them to feel bad for you or asking them to take care of you....i always say it this way....i am not telling you this to scrae you away or to get you to take care of me or even have you feel bad for me...i am telling you this cause its part of me and will show its ugly head once in awhile and i just wanted you to understand it and what it does...surprising enough for me even if the guys i went out on dates with didnt stay together we ended up friends and one of the reasons they say is cause of me being honest about this issue....so just my take on it....i hope she will call you later and say thank you for the flowers...of course are you sure it wasnt just cause you were a viking fan that she looked upset.....j/k.......

chris

ha...ha...chris, just got home from work and saw your post...just to let you know, while i may hold off on telling them about how one could connect the dots on my mri's, we are sure to establish what teams we follow prior to the first smooch...no offense to you, your fiance, or your family chris, but i don't think my family would accept me bringing home a packer gal

as far as this young gal, she actually left two messages...one text message....and, one voice mail thanking me for the flowers prior to hearing anything back from me...we chatted last night and we're going to get together again on saturday...thanks for sharing your experience on when you shared the info...there's a real logic to how you put things, but still not sure what to do myself....and, with this woman, things are still sort of tenuous between us right now...but, who knows...if we end up dating for a little longer and get past what happened...maybe, i'll give it a shot...

good luck on sunday...and, thanks again for all of your comments/support,

GO VIKES!

ThinkingOutLoud

hey TOL things sound pretty good on the dating front! awesome.

i am glad she responded back to ya there...its great with that i am sure she see's something in you that she likes no matter what (personaly i dont think its going to be cause you are a viking fan) but there is something there she likes.....there is nothing wrong with us packer girls....we can drink with the best of them and hold on own.....lol.... .....good luck to you this weekend also on saturday and on sunday...will think of you when we are kicking your butts all over the field on sunday.........

chris

Hey TOL

So glad that you and the gal are getting together again - if nothing else, at least you won't be left with a bad taste in your mouth (guilt!).

I agree with Chris - my mS is something I am very open about to most people I meet - there is no shame in having this disease, and while I undrstand that it is personal, to me it is pretty much like telling someone that I was divorced, or had kids, or was an attorney or whatever (not that I am!). I do not look for pity either, and get that you don't want to freak a person out before there is a connection, but the flip side as you mentioned is that if you wait until after there is a connection, she may feel betrayed that you did not trust her with this aspect of yourself.

Bottom line, you need to go with your gut and be comfortable with bestowing your trust - honesty is very important if any relationship has a chance of thriving, and maybe your meeting would be a good time to mention your reasons for acting as you did ie you could bring up your MS....Very casually...!
Hope you have a good time and all goes well, don't stress about this, I have just found that if I tell people, I don't have to worry about it anymore!

hey just wanted to write and say wooohooo the packers won this weekend...lol...hehehehe...hope you had a good weekend...lol

chris

well...the weekend was interesting, to say the least...let me begin by humbly congratulating you chris, on your football team...i hate to admit it, but the pack are back!

'legs-thanks for the words...probably about a year or so ago, i felt well enough (both physically and emotionally) to dabble in the dating world again...regardless of the outcome of the current situation, i'm still going forward...not one to pry, but still have some curiosity about what you've written about your relationship situation...

ally-i think you're right about "trusting the gut"...and, approaching it "casually"...

as far as the date on sat...i'll get to that in a moment...something occurred that would have been funny, if it wasn't my own life...i was on a different date with another woman on friday...and, out of the blue, i hear my name called...and it is one of the friends of the woman that i've been going on-and-on about in this post...too small of world!...the date on sat. went "okay"...had a nice time with her, but could tell she was a little more hesitant (which makes sense, given the situation)...i'm not sure if this is someone i will end up telling or not...but, my gut is telling me that at least, now is not the right time...

take care all,

TOL

hey
wel thank you thank you very much there...they did look quite amzing on sunday however lets not all jump the gun on them being like that all yr...lol....i am glad you had a good time for your dates this weekend...hope things keep looking well for you in that department....and i hope you come to your senses about the vikings and turn to a better team....lol... just kidding...




chris

Hey TOL


Thanks for the update and I am glad that things were ok over the weekend.
But I am especially glad that you are continuing to be positive about being out there in the dating world - my Mom used to say that you might have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince (just reverse the gender!), so hang in there, if this lady does not turn out to be a special friend, I am sure that a bright, thoughtful, insightful and sensitive (not a wussie, as you obviously like football!) guy like you will find the right one - it is good to be careful with your heart, but you still have to be in the game to find someone to give it to...
It seems as if you are on the right path for you and I think we can all learn something from your courage and insight - have fun and live your life, as every minute is precious.

All the best