drsclafani wrote:
this is one rotten disease
It means a great deal to have a Dr acknowledge this. I have a great neuro! but I think seeing this in most of his patients, he has had to distance himself from feeling any empathy for what we truly deal with. He's been working to make life be as best as he can, with what he has known. Luckily, he's open to understanding new developments and perhaps the two of you will meet if Michelle gets him involved with the CCSVI Alliance, as she would like to. Anyway. As great as he has been, I don't think I've ever heard him say anything like this simple statement you have made. But that simple statement makes me feel as though you are understanding and you would like to change that for all of us, truly change it!
I've had the liberation procedure with Dr. Bonn. Almost a month now. It has made significant improvements in my quality of life. Especially with fatigue and my ability to sleep on my own. It has not done much with cognition. Which, as others have expressed, this is very difficult to deal with. I knew that was a long shot, knew I have had scar damage, but wouldn't life be grand if it slowly improved since there is improvement in the rest of my health?! Here is something I wrote up that describes the cognitive hell I deal with (and for someone with a high IQ, this makes things very frustrating, especially when people try to convince me there is nothing wrong with me because I'm so smart):
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Worst:
Cognitive impairment
-can't stay on top of anything
-easily confused
-time spacial relationships affected
-lack of organizational ability
-can't read books anymore, can only read in short bits and constantly have to re-read things
-constantly lose what I'm trying to do, ie. can't stay on task
-can't follow a conversation
-wrong things come out of mouth instead of what I'm trying to talk about, something in my field of vision may come out instead
-difficulty writing what I have on my mind
-get fixated on things and even if I want to stop, I can't
-the more going on around me, the harder it is to process what I'm observing
-easily distracted
-can't find the words
-memory recall is crap (so many memories just don't come to mind)
-things I know I should know how to do, everyday things, are sometimes lost on me
-Names, HA forget about it!!!
I'm sure there are more cognitive things but i can't recall right now... lol
Fatigue
- unbelievable beyond tired, zero energy, life sucked out of me tired
Insomnia
- sleep trigger all messed up, inability to fall to sleep regardless of how tired I am, sometimes even ambien does nothing for the sleep but get real trippy!
I just have to say this... I generally make the most out of life and don't focus on what is wrong in life. But there are very few people who understand what it is like for someone with a high IQ to deal with cognitive impairment. I'm sure some of you can. To be so articulate and intelligent on subjects some of the time but at any time, doesn't matter how intelligent I am, I'm utterly incapable of doing the simplest of tasks. I used to be able to use strategies to help with issues but I lost the ability to maintain strategies 6 years ago. I haven't been able to help my son with homework since he was in the 3rd grade. Frustrating to say the very least. Many times I talk of my MS that I'm not as bad as many others, like my cousin. I actually say I'm lucky. I say this simply because I can walk without major difficulty, I'm not in a wheelchair, I can use both arms, legs, hands, feet... But as the words come out of my mouth, or I type those very words, there is always a part of me that asks myself, am I really not as bad off. Am I really lucky? I'm losing some of the essence of what makes me Me. And it shows through, how smart I am, which always triggers someone telling me, "but you are still smart, your still with it, I don't see any cognitive impairment." having it not be a problem some of the time, doesn't make it any less difficult when it is a problem. Sometimes hearing such statements makes me feel worse. It lets me know that someone doesn't understand. And you have no idea, well all of you might, how many of those close to me say this sort of thing all the time! I have people get argumentative with me or tell me I'm being hard on myself. Quite the contrary, I'm easy on myself, I have to be. But if you ask me what I deal with, I will tell you.
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