Me again, with a one-week report. I am so emotional reading each person's words. Everyone is a real person to me whose soul and support somes through so clearly, and I am moved to tears as I read your wonderful replies
* Still salivating. I have to agree -- how can you have placebo salivating?!
Along with that is an odd sensation in the back of my jaws. I don't know if this the re-emergence of sensation that hasn't been there or something different.
* My eyes are also more moist. (Now I sound like a Bassett hound. Moist eyes, drooling . . . ) The main effect of this is that my vision is more sharp.
* Absolutely no change on the double vision thing. My son looked closely at my eyes and said my pupil was also still "odd" compared to the other one. (My left eye has been semi-paralyzed for years.) So I still don't want anyone to sit on my left. At least if they want me to look at them.
* At some point I read out loud to my son without falling asleep or talking nonsense. This is astounding.
* I watched a movie without falling asleep.
* I bought deoderant for the first time in years -- I was actually perspiring! I felt my armpits prickle, and I was amazed. This prompted an interesting discussion with my 12-year-old son, who wanted to know what I was buying and why.
OK, now this is different stuff. Yesterday morning I was just so happy because I thought, it's been a week! I think it's OK! It looked like a great day, I washed my hair and my arms felt stronger, and I got to the end of doing my hair and didn't feel nauseated. Amazing!
I was bursting was feeling so great, and -- this is very personal, so why am I saying it on this huge impersonal forum? but here goes -- so often when I have something like that my first impulse is to immediately share it with my sister, who was one of my best friends, because she'd be so happy too -- but then a beat too late I remember that she died almost fifteen years ago, and I was so sad that just lost it.
I am convinced that these same vascular issues contributed to her death, and again -- this is very personal -- I made a commitment when I first started exploring CCSVI that if I regained my health I would give back, so that what happened to her and her family wouldn't happen to other people.
But the day just seemed to go downhill from there, and I don't know if it was stress, or activity, but by evening I had that feeling in my throat like it was being squeezed, and my legs felt weaker than ever, and I felt more fatigued than ever, and my hands, which had been calm, had a fine tremor back. And my legs are feeling stiffer. They *were* feeling more smooth and I cut back on my baclofen during the week. Maybe that was a mistake? Maybe it's rebound stiffness?
Last night I was mad at myself for allowing myself to get happy that things were being positive because then I started feeling worse. Irish logic. And then I was so heartbroken at the thought that I had tasted how much better it could be, *even a little bit,* after all these years, and seen how much it meant to my children, who have been so awesome, and I couldn't stand the thought of going backwards. I'm thinking so much about every little thing and it's so very emotional.
This morning I have a sore throat. So . . . am I sick? Am I stressed? Without going into it, I have enormous personal stressors in my life, and I did have a two-plus hour meeting with an attorney the day on Tuesday. I just really, really hope that things are not going to go away. My oldest daughter was very negative about me doing this in the first place -- she said, "Haven't you read Flowers for Algernon?"
(She didn't go with me, by the way, just the younger two.)
On the other hand, I have started sweating, and I am still salivating.
So if what I get out of this so far is some very expensive sweat and spit, is that good progress for a week?
