Poems on my MS - pre and post CCSVI
Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:19 am
Poem on my MS - Pre CCSVI
Tuesday January 13, 2009
Jill Nolan
What am I but this custard ?
These ion pumps and channels
This mess of ganglia and pathways
and cortex, all in an ancient salt sea,
Organized by energy and time into crevasses and bumps
and neurotransmitters going hither and thither
Flowing to say wake ! and sleep ! and cry !
And I am at it's mercy, it is without mercy.
And I am also this army, these T-cells and these antibodies
Who have revolted, relentlessly like Lucifer from heaven,
I am at war with myself.
I can see the war memorials, the spots on the MRI.
And I hurt, and I don't know why.
Is pain more fundamental than pleasure ?
Maybe defy the Second Law,
Maybe give me a "spot" for peace and leisure
To rest a bit, while you take the rest of me away.
Poem on my MS, part 2 - after learning about CCSVI
Jill Nolan
November 15, 2009
I was not designed.
I am a self-aware colony of cells.
My cells cooperate, or not, depending on their circumstance.
My brain is festering with lesions.
The lesions are part of what I am.
The lesions are full of what I am.
I am more than custard.
I am rivers of blood and fluids,
That must obey the laws of physics,
The fluid dynamics of my life.
My rivers flow and eddy, and sometimes fail.
What else can I be ?
My brain is the controller, who does not control.
How much better could I have been designed ?
I do not know.
I was not designed.
Tuesday January 13, 2009
Jill Nolan
What am I but this custard ?
These ion pumps and channels
This mess of ganglia and pathways
and cortex, all in an ancient salt sea,
Organized by energy and time into crevasses and bumps
and neurotransmitters going hither and thither
Flowing to say wake ! and sleep ! and cry !
And I am at it's mercy, it is without mercy.
And I am also this army, these T-cells and these antibodies
Who have revolted, relentlessly like Lucifer from heaven,
I am at war with myself.
I can see the war memorials, the spots on the MRI.
And I hurt, and I don't know why.
Is pain more fundamental than pleasure ?
Maybe defy the Second Law,
Maybe give me a "spot" for peace and leisure
To rest a bit, while you take the rest of me away.
Poem on my MS, part 2 - after learning about CCSVI
Jill Nolan
November 15, 2009
I was not designed.
I am a self-aware colony of cells.
My cells cooperate, or not, depending on their circumstance.
My brain is festering with lesions.
The lesions are part of what I am.
The lesions are full of what I am.
I am more than custard.
I am rivers of blood and fluids,
That must obey the laws of physics,
The fluid dynamics of my life.
My rivers flow and eddy, and sometimes fail.
What else can I be ?
My brain is the controller, who does not control.
How much better could I have been designed ?
I do not know.
I was not designed.