Ten years of strange symptoms...running out of ideas.
Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2017 2:28 pm
This is a long story, but I'll try to keep it as brief as possible.
I'm 29 years old and in relatively good health. I do not exercise, but I am not overweight. I sit at a computer most days because I am a professional writer. My semi-sedentary lifestyle probably doesn't help matters, but here is my story.
When I was around 19, I started to notice some strange stiffness in my legs and the constant feeling like I was walking on a boat. The symptoms scared me, so I started searching the web and that didn't help my anxiety. I immediately convinced myself that I had MS. However, the leg stiffness was essentially the only issue.
A few years passed and I finally went to a doctor for the stiffness and weird balance issues. He ordered an MRI and everything came back normal which was a relief for me. The relief from the good news was followed by my symptoms subsiding to a level that made it almost completely ignorable. Coincidence? Probably not.
Over the next 8 years, I would have little flare-ups of symptoms here and there which would send me back to the forums (here I am) and google searches and they would intensify instantly. I know I torture myself with this, but I can't seem to help it. Every couple of years I convince myself that I have MS again. It's just become part of my life at this point. I try my best to keep my mind occupied, but I find myself just pacing around my apartment obsessing over it.
About 3 years ago, I started getting noticeable fasciculations throughout my body. Unfortunately, this was around the same time the ALS ice bucket craze was going on, so I of course immediately thought I was terminally ill. They would come and go, but never really went away entirely.
About a year ago, I woke up one morning and simply could not move out of bed. My lower back was in so much pain that I couldn't even move. I had to log roll out of bed. I went to the doctor and he told me I strained my back and gave me some anti-inflammatory medication. The pain went away over the course of about a week. Haven't had that problem again since. This was the scariest thing that had happened to me. I've never felt that helpless. I almost vomited from the pain.
Over the past 3-4 months, I have had some stomach issues. I've admittedly always had a sensitive stomach, but I could always control it by what I was eating. The most embarrassing part is that I feel like I am constantly leaking gas. I can smell it. The weird part is I can smell it, but it doesn't feel like I have passed gas. I have asked people around me and they don't seem to think they can smell it. I've even asked my parents and they think it's in my head or some sort of phantom smell that I'm obsessing over. I went to the doctor and she tested my stool and said I didn't have anything going on in my gut and essentially told me to get lost. In my head, I was thinking that the muscles in my anus have weakened and I'm just leaking gas as a result. But when I feel a big urge to pass gas, I can still feel like I can control it until I get to an appropriate spot to release it.
I'm also having issues that popped up around the same time as the gas. The tip of my penis constantly feels wet and uncomfortable. I will be sitting at my laptop and suddenly feel like I have let out a little bit of urine. I will rush to the bathroom to check myself and I'm completely dry with no wet spot. It's the most bizarre feeling. It's driving me crazy because I feel like I cannot relax. The anxiety is probably making it worse and the cycle keeps going. I have to visit the toilet to urinate at least 10 times per day and 4 times per day to defecate. I haven't slept all the way through the night in months.
Present day: I am sitting here with the leg stiffness, fasciculations all over my body, this leaking gas feeling, and I have to get up to pee just about every hour. My anxiety is through the roof. I used to extremely social, but it's become impossible for me to feel like I can socialize when I'm convinced that I am constantly passing gas uncontrollably. Anytime I see someone rub their nose or make a weird face, I always assume it's because of me and I try to think of an excuse to leave and come back to my apartment alone and obsess over it.
I have an appointment with a doctor tomorrow to try to get some of this under control. At this point, I want whatever is going on with me to just get better, be it physical or psychological.
I know MS is hard to pinpoint and is usually a process of elimination, but I guess I'm just looking for some thoughts. I know MS has a laundry list of symptoms, so essentially anything can be a symptom of MS if you think about it long enough, which makes it a hypochondriac wormhole. I really don't want to get shoved into another MRI machine. I hated the experience, but half of me feels like it would give me some relief at this point so I can at least quit worrying. I know none of you can diagnose me over the internet. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone here that has been diagnosed with my rambling. I know deep down that I'm at the very least a hypochondriac, but it's manifesting itself into some real symptoms that are ruining my life. Doctors dismiss me very quickly because of how I look. I move around just fine, pass all of the strength tests, can zip up and down stairs, open a jar of pickles, etc. I feel like the best years of my life are slipping through my fingers. With this crap going on for 10 years now, I just want a real answer.
Any help is much appreciated!
I'm 29 years old and in relatively good health. I do not exercise, but I am not overweight. I sit at a computer most days because I am a professional writer. My semi-sedentary lifestyle probably doesn't help matters, but here is my story.
When I was around 19, I started to notice some strange stiffness in my legs and the constant feeling like I was walking on a boat. The symptoms scared me, so I started searching the web and that didn't help my anxiety. I immediately convinced myself that I had MS. However, the leg stiffness was essentially the only issue.
A few years passed and I finally went to a doctor for the stiffness and weird balance issues. He ordered an MRI and everything came back normal which was a relief for me. The relief from the good news was followed by my symptoms subsiding to a level that made it almost completely ignorable. Coincidence? Probably not.
Over the next 8 years, I would have little flare-ups of symptoms here and there which would send me back to the forums (here I am) and google searches and they would intensify instantly. I know I torture myself with this, but I can't seem to help it. Every couple of years I convince myself that I have MS again. It's just become part of my life at this point. I try my best to keep my mind occupied, but I find myself just pacing around my apartment obsessing over it.
About 3 years ago, I started getting noticeable fasciculations throughout my body. Unfortunately, this was around the same time the ALS ice bucket craze was going on, so I of course immediately thought I was terminally ill. They would come and go, but never really went away entirely.
About a year ago, I woke up one morning and simply could not move out of bed. My lower back was in so much pain that I couldn't even move. I had to log roll out of bed. I went to the doctor and he told me I strained my back and gave me some anti-inflammatory medication. The pain went away over the course of about a week. Haven't had that problem again since. This was the scariest thing that had happened to me. I've never felt that helpless. I almost vomited from the pain.
Over the past 3-4 months, I have had some stomach issues. I've admittedly always had a sensitive stomach, but I could always control it by what I was eating. The most embarrassing part is that I feel like I am constantly leaking gas. I can smell it. The weird part is I can smell it, but it doesn't feel like I have passed gas. I have asked people around me and they don't seem to think they can smell it. I've even asked my parents and they think it's in my head or some sort of phantom smell that I'm obsessing over. I went to the doctor and she tested my stool and said I didn't have anything going on in my gut and essentially told me to get lost. In my head, I was thinking that the muscles in my anus have weakened and I'm just leaking gas as a result. But when I feel a big urge to pass gas, I can still feel like I can control it until I get to an appropriate spot to release it.
I'm also having issues that popped up around the same time as the gas. The tip of my penis constantly feels wet and uncomfortable. I will be sitting at my laptop and suddenly feel like I have let out a little bit of urine. I will rush to the bathroom to check myself and I'm completely dry with no wet spot. It's the most bizarre feeling. It's driving me crazy because I feel like I cannot relax. The anxiety is probably making it worse and the cycle keeps going. I have to visit the toilet to urinate at least 10 times per day and 4 times per day to defecate. I haven't slept all the way through the night in months.
Present day: I am sitting here with the leg stiffness, fasciculations all over my body, this leaking gas feeling, and I have to get up to pee just about every hour. My anxiety is through the roof. I used to extremely social, but it's become impossible for me to feel like I can socialize when I'm convinced that I am constantly passing gas uncontrollably. Anytime I see someone rub their nose or make a weird face, I always assume it's because of me and I try to think of an excuse to leave and come back to my apartment alone and obsess over it.
I have an appointment with a doctor tomorrow to try to get some of this under control. At this point, I want whatever is going on with me to just get better, be it physical or psychological.
I know MS is hard to pinpoint and is usually a process of elimination, but I guess I'm just looking for some thoughts. I know MS has a laundry list of symptoms, so essentially anything can be a symptom of MS if you think about it long enough, which makes it a hypochondriac wormhole. I really don't want to get shoved into another MRI machine. I hated the experience, but half of me feels like it would give me some relief at this point so I can at least quit worrying. I know none of you can diagnose me over the internet. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone here that has been diagnosed with my rambling. I know deep down that I'm at the very least a hypochondriac, but it's manifesting itself into some real symptoms that are ruining my life. Doctors dismiss me very quickly because of how I look. I move around just fine, pass all of the strength tests, can zip up and down stairs, open a jar of pickles, etc. I feel like the best years of my life are slipping through my fingers. With this crap going on for 10 years now, I just want a real answer.
Any help is much appreciated!