MS, Depression & Me

carolsue · Posted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 2:13 pm Post subject:

Grumpster,

My MS has been mild to date, but I am aware that I have changed emotionally as a result of my diagnosis and I am very scared of the day when I am faced with the difficulties you are experiencing. Thank you for sharing what you're going through. It helps me to hear.

Your post demonstrates a courage to speak honestly about things that are very difficult to face. I'd guess it reflects an inner strength that you'll be able to draw from. I know that for me, it's very uncomfortable to think of myself as relying on others for emotional, financial, or physical support. I hope I have the strength and grace to accept that help when I need it.

This can be a rough season to get through and we should all cut ourselves some slack. May the new year bring us all some peace of mind.

carolsue

Wonderfulworld · Family Elder Joined: Aug 28, 2006 Posts: 291

Hi Grumpster
Happy Christmas by the way
I read your post and I felt I could have written it, albeit in the female gender, a few years ago. Wink

I was dx'ed with MS 8 years ago, at the time a very physically fit, high-achieving, career orientated, non-stop party animal. It shattered my whole image and identity. I could see nothing but declining, loss, what might have been, pain, making do, poverty, failed personal relationships............it hung over me constantly. I drank too much to ease the physical as well as psychic pain and occasionally when I had drunk too much I told my friends how low I was really feeling. To be honest, I regularly thought of suicide. I know this is a "heavy" post, but that's honestly how low I felt.

I can't say to you what changed really.....just I did over time. I realised that yes, I wouldn't have the same life-course I'd imagined, would have to give in to the MS a lot, bargain with it, allow it space. That I had to adapt and admit defeat, or at the very least an altrnative sometimes. And that if I was angry with myself and fate about that alternative, it would only poison me in the long run.

When I was in hospital with the dx originally and this woman from the MS society came to visit me to provide support. The MS society told my Father she was living proof there was life after MS, but all I could think of when I saw her was that she used an umbrella as a walking cane and I just didn't even want to deal with that. I wanted proof that you wouldn't have to change ANYTHING.

Once I allowed myself make concessions and not let those concessions poison the present, then things got a little easier. I realised I saw this HUGE MS cloud over me, but others did not see it, hardly at all. I realised I saw my symtoms as getting worse, or very serious, yet to be honest, most were quite mild. Finally, doing limited (I would have scoffed at the intensity years ago) regular exercise really lifted my mood, made me feel better about myself gradually.

It's a very bleak space to be in Grumpster, but I hope and believe you will find your own way out soon. Talk to your wife and friends.
WW

Muu · Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 9:03 am Post subject:

WW
You mention so many things I identified with in your post. Thanks.
Muu

notasperfectasyou · Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 12:42 pm Post subject: The emptiness inside

G -

I'm coming at this from somewhat the same place and perspective as Lyon, my wife has MS. There's no magic fix. I do praise you for posting here. It's a small, but not unnoticed step. You asked us for help. Keep talking, keep expressing yourself, don't stop.

It's so easy right now for someone hundreds of miles away typing anonomously on a key board to lecture you. I know you don't want to be lectured and I really like this community here because there's a keen awareness of the need for understanding.

Prayer, God, Church, Friends, Family, Support Gourps and Counselling are all nice things, but it's not like you probably didn't think of them yourself already. No, right now it's just about expressing yourself and letting us know how it feels. This is what you need to keep doing. Please keep coming here and telling us about it.

There is no easy magic answer, but I can promise you that if you keep typing, talking and listening to your feelings within ...... you can overcome this feeling and discover something better inside that's not so empty feeling. What I'm proposing is something of a blind promise since I can't show you a proof that says you'll feel better. Nor can I tell you when.

I just know that if you keep expressing your feelings with others and alone folllowed by with others, then you are in fact starting to build something solid that can displace the emptiness. It's a start. Keep positing. napay
_________________
My Starting Point
Understanding MS 101: Doctor Talk and People Talk

Wonderfulworld · Family Elder Joined: Aug 28, 2006 Posts: 291

Hey Muu I forgot to say I very much liked your "stalking black dog" analogy, in turn!! I shall give it a good kick too ocassionally, however being a dreadful softie I can't personally imagine a dog, but I do imagine little space invaders and I visualise blowing em all to smithereens!
Laughing