my girlfriend

Loobie · Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:24 am Post subject:

SixSix,

That reallly sucks. I don't know what to say except that my prayers are with you through this hard time. There is no way anything I could say to make it easier but just know we are grieving with you.

Take care,
Lew

SIXSIX · Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:42 am Post subject:

I rally appreciate all of the feedback. It really does not help to eade the pain. When I get like this my whole body just shuts down and makes everything worse. My walking is really bad and my balance my strenght everything has gotten real tough. My right side especially has just gotten so bad. This relaationship was very important and special to me. The other thing is that this was official yesterday she packed my things while i was in tears and told me I had to leave. Then she decides to go out with her friends the same night till 3 in the morning so I can really tell how much this meant. If she could have at least felt some sort of sympathy about this. It all just really is painful. I bought her a ring for Christmas to promise her that I was going to get better for her. It ended up being a even bigger smack in the face.

itsjustme · Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:12 pm Post subject:

Hi SIXSIX,

I don't know you, nor do I know your girlfriend. But after reading your short story I feel like exclaiming:

"Good riddance to bad rubbish".

Lyon · Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:12 pm Post subject:

SIXSIX,

Life is long and there are going to be good times and bad times. I'm pretty sure you know that already.

Right now it seems the pain is never going to ease, but the pain will eventually ease.

It really sounds that it was inevitable that she was going to leave you sooner or later. It doesn't sound like she was in it for the long haul. I know it sounds heartless, and I'm sorry, but sometimes it's better to get a thing over and done with so that you can go on to the next phase of your life.

Even if there were some perfect thing you might have said or done to convince her to hang around a while longer....you just would have been postponing your pain until later.

Not the things you want to hear but in hindsight you'll see that it's true.

Bob
_________________
Wife diagnosed with RRMS in Feb. 2006.

REDHAIRANDTEMPER · Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 4:42 pm Post subject:

SIX,
sorry to hear about the situation..i know its hard...there isnt anything anyone can say that will make it go away....think postivie that it will make you stronger as a person somehow....might not seem that way now but in the long run it will.....i have a guy who wavers back and forth with me....or he did about 5 months ago..then finally i sat him down and said either you will help me thru this or ya wont..if ya feel uncomfortable then you need to leave...well fortunaly for me he took it to heart and thought about it....sometimes ya have to be blunt about it with someone close just to make them understand that this will make days where ya dont or cant move very well...its hard..i mean dating is hard enough but then add this on there and it makes it harder..i know how it hurts with that stuff..but hopefully you will start to feel a little better everyday...

chris
_________________
waiting for answers

SIXSIX · Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 4:53 pm Post subject:

It is very unfortunate to have to feel like this. I know that there is a reason for this. It definitely feel bad. I will stop beating myself up. I can only cry for so long. It makes me even more determined to beat this. I know It is a matter of time. I will learn everything I can from this and talk to as many people as I can. It is only people with this disease that can really relate to this type of pain.

robbie · Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:13 pm Post subject:

If my wife left me i wouldn't blame her a bit, I love her and want a good life for her. It's not anyones fault. this is bigger than relationships, it's life sitting on a fence, just don't be mad at her shes just as hurt as you..
_________________
~i guess i know i just hate how it sounds~
I see seven towers
But I only see one way out

Lyon · Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:01 pm Post subject:

marcstck · Family Member Joined: Jan 04, 2006 Posts: 84

Sixsix,

Heartbreak can be just as debilitating as a physically grievous injury. Unfortunately, the only way out is through. You must allow yourself to feel the pain, and to process the experience. There is no magic cure, no potion that can take away the anguish. Just try to take care of yourself physically, make sure you eat nutritional food and try to get enough sleep. This disease is hard enough without additional mental anguish, so it is imperative that you treat yourself right.

I've had my heart seriously broken on a number of occasions. In retrospect, the reality is that I probably never should have been with any of those women. Love, lust, and dependency can blind you to the faults of a person. The fact that this woman left you under the circumstances you described just illustrates what a flawed human being she is. You're actually very lucky that this relationship wasn't formalized at all, because that would make the mess even harder to clean up.

Try to remember that others have gone through this before you, and have lived to tell the tale. I know that such knowledge is not salve for your wounds, but keep in mind that although you feel quite alone right now what you're experiencing is a universal constant. Ultimately, it will be time that will heal your wounds. You can't really do anything to speed up the process, but you can slow it down by relentlessly reliving the poisoned relationship in your mind, and by allowing your physical state to deteriorate.

Be well my friend. There are happier days ahead...

SIXSIX · Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:42 pm Post subject:

Thanks man I went to the doctor today and got some medication called clonazepam it really helped with the anxiety. I feel real good and am looking for a good nights rest.

JFH · Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 3:31 am Post subject:

66

Here's a reputable site for you, and others in the same boat.

http://www.desertionsurvivors.org.uk/dsorguk/jos/index.php
_________________
John
I am what I am

Lyon · Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:00 am Post subject:

connieb · Family Member Joined: Oct 21, 2006 Posts: 90

Here is the problem I have with Harry's statistic: it serves absolutely no constructive purpose but has the potential to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course we all know that we should work hard on keeping our relationships strong and viable, but focusing on negative outcomes at the outset in this manner can only harm any relationship. If they are not right for each other, people break up and break each others hearts for all sorts of reasons, MS or no MS: she is pregnant, she can't get pregnant, he works too much, he doesn't work enough. she is too good looking, he is not good looking enough... To be very low-brow (a dangerous exercise given the intellectual profile of this site!) about it-- Tom Brady broke up with his pregnant girlfriend; Mitt Romney is still with his wife who's had MS for years. Personally, I can say with conviction that there is absolutely nothing short of hurting our children that my husband of 20 years could do or suffer from that would make me leave him, despite all the ups and downs and sideways we've had over the years. After all, the wedding vows (and yes that's what they are to me-- vows) talk about sickness and health, wealth and poverty, and leave out comments and statistics such as -- 2 out of 3 marriages end in divorce so please remember that the odds are against you and this whole thing probably won't work. I guess, SIXSIX, this is very long-winded way of echoing a previous poster-- good riddance to bad rubbish, she wasn't right for you in the first place and if it wasn't MS it would have been something else. (No, I don't think you should feel any compassion for her-- she certainly doesn't seem to be hurting in any way.) And somebody else some day WILL be right! And sh8un, congratulations on your upcoming marriage-- you have so much to look forward to! Very Happy

gwa · Family Elder Joined: Dec 02, 2005 Posts: 847

Another thing sixsix, with this disease you are wasting your breath promising someone that you will get better.

That is wishful thinking which may not pan out. So why drive yourself nuts trying to stick to this type of promise?

Find someone that will love and accept you for what you are, warts, crummy health and all.

gwa

HarryZ · Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 10:32 am Post subject:

Connieb,