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Joined: Oct 23, 2006 Posts: 16 Location: Wisconsin
Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:54 pm Post subject: my girlfriend
My girlfriend just broke up with me after 3 years.I have spms and i was diagnosed in 2005 and it has gotten real bad. Today was the worst day ever. Today I hate my life.
Joined: May 26, 2004 Posts: 1383 Location: London, ON, Canada
Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 7:27 pm Post subject:
SIXSIX wrote:
Its just not that easy I loved this girl more than anything. She was everything I cared about next to God.
Going though your current situation is going to be one of the most difficult things that you have ever done in your life so far. Time heals but it's between now and "time" that's the difficult part.
The break-up rate for spouses/friends where one has MS is 90+%. There are several reasons as to why this happens but it is an ugly statistic that goes with this disease. In most cases, the healthy person just can't cope with the disease and thus the split.
I wish I could offer you some magic words that will make the pain go away quickly but I can't. Hopefully you have a close friend with whom you can talk and help ease the pain.
It's going to take some time but the hurt will eventually lessen and you will move on with your life. The best of luck.
Joined: May 04, 2006 Posts: 295 Location: Calgary, AB, Canada
Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 9:53 pm Post subject:
Yeah...thanx for the stats...like who the heck asked for that? I am about to get married and that makes me feel real good. I knew I should have skipped over HarryZ posts. Goshh.
66, I am sorry about your girlfriend. If she broke up with you because of physical disability, well then that says a lot about her. That is something that you, at this point, can not change. I think that if you love someone, you must love them for more than what they look like. Your heart has not changed and if your attitude towards life has changed a little, it will take a little (or a lot) of TLC to get you back on track. She should have been there for you. I am not really sure what the reason is for the break up was but it sounds like you might think that the dx might have a little to do with it. I am sorry that this world puts so much emphasis on physical qualities of ppl. I know that it is not that simple but it should be.
NN
i can't tell you how sorry i am to hear the news...it's hard enough to deal with the MS alone, but to have to deal with the loss of a girlfriend is so unfair...i know it is to early to hear that there will be a time where this hurts less and one even gets over it, but i think it is important to hear that periodically from those who care and support you...
in the meantime and when you are ready, i would encourage you to start taking small steps that may aid with reducing some of the pain...to begin with, i think finding a therapist may not be a bad idea...grief is one of those issues that really sucks to go through, but with the aid with a trained professional, can actual improve with time...i don't know where you are in wisconsin, but you may even want to locate a Health Psychologist if you can...not only are they trained in general therapy, many of them have specialized training working with individuals with chronic medical condtions...
i am wondering if you have any family or friends that can also be a support during this painful time...i would also encourage you to stay connected with them and let the one's you trust know how you're feeling...MOST IMPORTANT...don't isolate and withdraw from those around you...if you are having trouble finding someone that you can use as this support, please check out a MS support group, therapist, church, or even a crisis phone line if needed...
my guess is that all of us on this site have had to deal with one loss or another since the MS became part of our life...that doesn't take away from your loss or the pain you're feeling right now...but, please stay strong during this terrible time...
Joined: May 26, 2004 Posts: 1383 Location: London, ON, Canada
Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:14 pm Post subject:
sh8un wrote:
Yeah...thanx for the stats...like who the heck asked for that? I am about to get married and that makes me feel real good. I knew I should have skipped over HarryZ posts. Goshh.
I guess that telling the truth about the reality of people involved in relationships when it comes to MS was a mistake!! Let's keep everyone in the dark and maybe the problem will simply just go away if we ignore it.
Do you think that I enjoy telling people about this kind of information? I was told many years ago and glad that I was. My wife and I have been married for over 30 years and she's had MS for over 35 years. We beat the odds and believe me there has been huge struggles along the way because of this lousy disease.
A successful marriage is an extremely difficult task and that's without MS getting in the way. I would rather know about the added problems from MS going into a marriage rather than finding out much later when it's possibly too late.
Joined: Oct 23, 2006 Posts: 16 Location: Wisconsin
Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 12:11 am Post subject:
Talk about a horrible deal though. I really feel hurt that I just never got better I kept getting worse and then I could see it her face that she was waiting for any imperfection to jump on. I really have this urge of not being able to handle this rationally. I have no one to go to and It hurts so bad my whole body freezes up and i can not stand or type I just hurt and can not handle all of this pain!
"I really have this urge of not being able to handle this rationally. I have no one to go to and It hurts so bad my whole body freezes up and i can not stand or type I just hurt and can not handle all of this pain!"
sixsix...i know things sound like they have hit rock bottom...please stay with your rational mind on this one...if you don't have anyone to turn to for the moment, i found a link to someone you could reach by phone at http://suicidehotlines.com/wisconsin.html
I guess that telling the truth about the reality of people involved in relationships when it comes to MS was a mistake!! Let's keep everyone in the dark and maybe the problem will simply just go away if we ignore it.
Harry
Have to agree with you Harry. I think this is more the reality. Relationships are not easy at the best of times and MS can/does put an extra stress on it.
It doesn't mean MS is always the 'real reason' for a breakup but where a relationship is already under strain it can become a bigger issue and the excuse/blame for the breakup.
On top of that all of us have our breaking points and it is a simple fact that some people cope less well with the stress and unpredictability that comes with the MS package- and I include the partner in this. It's unfair to always blame the 'well' partner for not being able to stick it out. Hary Z is one of the exceptions!
I am not suggesting this is the case with you SixSix and I am really so sorry to hear about your break up. It's a horrible thing to go through, I broke up with my partner of 8 years just before Christmas so I do feel for you. Time really is the only healer for this-cliched as it sounds.
Joined: Mar 26, 2005 Posts: 595 Location: Northamptonshire, England.
Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 7:58 am Post subject:
Hi SixSix,
First I want to echo everyone here and say how sorry I am to hear about your break up, and that there are many wise words written here by other posters who have found themselves in similar situations.
MS strikes one person, but its ripples radiate out to affect everyone around us -- it's easier to shrug your shoulders and lose touch with someone on the edge of your circle of friends; someone who you didn't see much and who simply doesn't know what to say to you, but when it comes to someone close: someone you love and want to be with and need more than you've ever needed them before because of what you're having to cope with, that is really, really, hard.
I wish there was an easy way through this for you, but you will get through this with support. At the moment it sounds like you're too paralysed with grief and pain even to bring yourself to talk to family, church members, or friends, but placing a post here was a very important step. Perhaps, now you've broached the subject with us and put your feelings into words, it might get a little easier to talk to someone in person. In the meantime, I'm sure we're all more than happy to talk and you know we will understand.
On a purely practical note, how are you doing physically? I mean, did your girlfriend help you out with the chores of daily living? If so, you might be feeling even more out on a limb -- it can be as difficult to ask for practical help as it is to ask for emotional support, especially when you're hurting so much it's the last thing on your mind -- perhaps somebody who lives in your part of the world might be able to give you some advice on what is available locally.
Finally, Harry, keep telling it like it is! Facts are facts and, assuming your figures are correct, (and I have no reason to think they're not), that's just one more uncomfortable truth in a long, long line that we have to face every day with this wretched disease.
Joined: May 26, 2004 Posts: 1383 Location: London, ON, Canada
Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:20 am Post subject:
Dom,
Quote:
Finally, Harry, keep telling it like it is! Facts are facts and, assuming your figures are correct, (and I have no reason to think they're not), that's just one more uncomfortable truth in a long, long line that we have to face every day with this wretched disease.
I know that stating the numbers (unfortunately the 90+% is accurate) will make some people upset but I have always felt that hiding the truth about this disease only leads to more "hurt" down the line.
Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:31 am Post subject: unsupportive spouses
Many people on boards talk about their spouses/boyfriends being unsupportive. I never understand why these people stay with the person that aggravates them and on whom they cannot rely on for support or for a positive, loving relationship .
If your special someone cannot deal with your illness, how does one expect things to get better as their disease gets continually worse?
Some people do not have the mettle to face adversity and I see no reason to hang on to these types.
Joined: Jan 28, 2005 Posts: 735 Location: Northern Ontario, Canada
Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:32 am Post subject:
Quote:
Robbie(and everyone),
I just viewed The Secret on-line, and it made me feel so much better about my place in life. It's about the power of positive thinking.
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