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Joined: Sep 26, 2007 Posts: 134 Location: East Coast USA
Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:22 pm Post subject: Emotional shocks
What do you do when you're presented with a huge emotional shock? My girlfriend of three years, we were starting to talk about marriage, is leaving me. She's moving out and taking with her much of my emotional support/confidence with her. I'm already depressed as it is, MS related. but have put off seeing the doctor for it. I'm afraid if I go in now they will just cast it off as depression linked only to the break-up and/or not give me the type of help that I actually need.
Also this stress has been making me feel physically worse. I've been through hard times before but this is worse in terms of insomnia, sore body, and emotional breakdowns. Exactly how bad is this stress in relation to my MS? The last thing I need is a flare up.
Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:34 pm Post subject: women
Dude, girls are like buses as soon as one leaves another will show up. LOL
I know that is a stupid saying but really the hurt will pass. I have seen pictures of you and doubt you will have a problem replacing her. I'm not gay either, BTW, married happily.
Hang in there Matt "this too shall pass"
Keep yourself busy and don't dwell on her leaving. Read a book or take up a new hobby, something that you would not normally do, fishing, scuba diving, anything that you have wanted to do but never had time. Any way man good luck, I think if you take your mind off of her your health will get better.
Joined: Sep 11, 2007 Posts: 679 Location: southern California
Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:01 pm Post subject:
Matt...
I am really sorry about this. I'm sure it's a shock on many levels. You'll be in my thoughts, and I know everybody else on the boards will be thinking of you.
Don't be afraid to reach out...get some help, maybe look into antidepressants (they've literally saved my husband's life.) Get together with friends, family, and reconnect with the folks who love you. Sometimes we focus on our romantic relationships to the exclusion of others. I know you have people who are there for you. Now's the time to lean on them.
hang in there, Matt-
AC _________________ Husband diagnosed RRMS March 2007
pursuing endothelial healing
Copaxone, Swank, supplements, laughter
Joined: Sep 12, 2006 Posts: 875 Location: Dayton, Ohio USA
Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:25 pm Post subject:
Matt,
That does suck, but I agree with Shannon. Treat it like a normal break up. Yeah your dynamic has changed since you do have MS now, but you are still really healthy and you simply don't know if you will get worse or not. Shannon's right; let some time pass. Easier said than done I know, but you are dealing with MS and you can deal with this too; you'll probably find out you are stronger than you thought. _________________ "When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
Matt,
Im sorry you are feeling bad right now. On a positive note, It happened before you got married. stress affects me very badly. I try every morning to start my day by saying the things I am thankful for , out loud. It seems to start my day off better. Try to focus on all the good things you have in your life. At times this disease makes you focus on only the bad.
I will send my prayers your way. I hope all works out well for you.
Lisa
Joined: Nov 06, 2004 Posts: 366 Location: Ottawa, Ont. Canada
Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:47 pm Post subject:
Dear Matt, do not be afraid to talk to your doctor about this depressive feeling. Tell him/her that you were depressed before this happened and if they are good listeners, they will feel what you need in terms of help.
A blow like this can make you feel very low for a long time. I too, believe that the grief will pass but if you are severely depressed, do ask for help and no one should dismiss your feelings. Hang in there.... Carole
Joined: Sep 26, 2007 Posts: 134 Location: East Coast USA
Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:47 pm Post subject:
Thanks for the support. I think I am going to try to make it in to the doctors tomorrow or maybe Friday. I'm sort of sore a lot which I've read is often times a symptom of depression.
I know things should get better and I should get over it but thinking that right now makes me feel worse instead of better. It makes it all the more worse that before her and I started dating we were very good friends for a few years so I literally lost not only my girl friend but also my very best friend.
Joined: Nov 08, 2005 Posts: 275 Location: wisconsin
Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:59 pm Post subject:
matt,
its okay it will pass.. i know where you are coming from i had issues with my ex boyfriend when it comes to that stuff..so trust me things will get better..look at this like a speed bump it will slow you donw but over the next horizon there will be someone much better for you...
Joined: Sep 26, 2007 Posts: 134 Location: East Coast USA
Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 8:30 pm Post subject:
jimmylegs wrote:
hey matt how are things these days... hope ur toughing it out all right!!
Physically I honestly couldn't ask to be feeling better, other than almost completely losing my appetite(and I love food). I've been running off and on but that's mostly because of the heat. I'm thinking about running a half marathon this fall but I'll have to get a gym membership to use a treadmill so I can avoid the heat issues.
With this situation I'm hanging in there, there's not much else I can do. I keep thinking "Maybe she'll move out and miss me after a little while" but I don't know that I should allow myself these kind of thoughts. I suppose this is normal for this kind of situation. I have a few other high stress things going on right now in my life and could really do without this.
Joined: Mar 26, 2005 Posts: 593 Location: Northamptonshire, England.
Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 9:20 am Post subject:
Hi Matt,
This is an awful situation you find yourself in and my heart goes out to you. Emotional upset can often cause MS symptoms to flare up but it sounds as if you're doing really well physically at the moment, and that's good to hear.
Do you feel that your MS had anything to do with the breakup? All the fear and uncertainty that we face every day can take a real toll on friends and loved ones and, while it doesn't make much difference to how you're feeling, (in fact, it only makes you hate MS more), it can help to be able to point to a reason – just as it does at any other time.
I agree that it may help to try antidepressants. The twin causes of your feeling so low are both situational and both beyond your control, so I think all the usual avenues – including counseling, therapy, drugs, alcohol and the support of friends – are all valid to help get you through… though go easy on the alcohol! _________________ Dom
Hey Matt,
I have been with my girlfiriend for over 5 years. She doesnt even know im alive. She ignores me. She likes to go to the bars with her friends but not with me. She loves to go to nice places to eat for dinner or lunch with her friends, mostly guys, but if were out, she just wants to get a quick bite at McDonalds or Taco bell. There is no intimasy (sp) at all anymore. I feel so all alone. She is good about going with me to the Dr. appointments but no emotional support.
My Dr. allowed me to take 10 milligrams of Paxel. It helped but I can still feel. I just talk the Dr. into upping it to 40 ml. I hope after increasing the ml. I will be dead inside. I over use alcohol to kill the emotional pain of being all alone.
How old are you? Im 43 dont think anyone would ever want me again but you sound young. Your life will be much better. Just takes time! I went throught the same thing years back. Found myself walking the streets at 4am. couldnt sleep. Couldnt stop thinking about her. You know what? I can barely remember her now! _________________ Life is hard, buy a helmet.....
Joined: Sep 26, 2007 Posts: 134 Location: East Coast USA
Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 11:20 am Post subject:
TwistedHelix wrote:
Hi Matt,
This is an awful situation you find yourself in and my heart goes out to you. Emotional upset can often cause MS symptoms to flare up but it sounds as if you're doing really well physically at the moment, and that's good to hear.
Do you feel that your MS had anything to do with the breakup? All the fear and uncertainty that we face every day can take a real toll on friends and loved ones and, while it doesn't make much difference to how you're feeling, (in fact, it only makes you hate MS more), it can help to be able to point to a reason – just as it does at any other time.
No, the MS didn't have anything to do with her leaving. She was always great about it. It is possible that me being depressed led her to leave though, which would be due to the MS.
Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 6:57 pm Post subject: Paxel warning!
Oh, Fiestafrog, your comment about Paxel, "My Dr. allowed me to take 10 milligrams of Paxel. It helped but I can still feel. I just talk the Dr. into upping it to 40 ml." alarms me!!!
My brother-in-law committed suicide after taking Paxel for ONE week. After prescribing the drug, the physician did NOT monitor him!! This is a powerful drug; altho it is not supposed to be addictive, many people have difficulty stopping (check the Web for stories).
About 6 years ago, a family won a lawsuit (in Wyoming, I believe) against GlaxoSmithKlein (the manufacturer) because the father had taken TWO pills, then killed his daughter, his granddaughter, and himself! The award was 6 or 8 million dollars!! (I'm sure the company is still appealing.)
The bottomline? Be careful with Paxel.
Difficulties with personal relationships are very tough times; I certainly don't have the answer; but folks here do care and try to understand. We offer an ear to listen and our best to you.
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