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Nope. It's marcstck.centenarian100 wrote:Out of curiosity, what is the screen name of Wheelchair Kamikaze on this forum?
Is it CeCe?
No ... I'm NOT actually Dr. Freedman. Just in case you are wondering ....
...... when I walk in a room ..... no one knows who I am ........
Anger can cause chain reaction to others...
It's not a good thing, i've been there done that, and not only i affected my most beloved persons, hurting their feelings, also my condition was not becoming better, and the anger just came back directly again to me...just like a circle...
Should watch the video of DR Roby Sonderegger, Dealing with Despair. It made me realize whenever i get angry, i become more likely (pardon me) a "more on".
Just look up and don't look around, where our help comes from...
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these symptoms have humbled me, they have made me nuts, they've made me cry, beg, feel unloved, you name it. i don't think there's a sacred body part left at this time in this sick game. found out who true friends and family were. down to few. a husband i was with 21 yrs. bailed early in the game. i truly found out how a wounded animal feels when the wolves are closeing in. feel like was there anything real? so, this whole thing was a game changer. sometimes feel very afraid of what may be coming-but fear and depression is one of evils best weapons so i try not to go there. i call a friend i got a couple and remarkably the most special came into my life through tims. and "my brother" who truly has been my rock. onetime he asked me-how do you do it my reply "what choice is there"? of course i try to keep the smile going on when around him. "sometimes it's getting harder."
i've thought of suicide-then i think of my "dad" i can hear him saying-blossom-ya gotta be tough! "but back then i had no clue how tough i'd have to be."
but, at the end of the day i look up and count my blessings and there are "many" it's just harder to see them when you're struggling through the day.
i've never been a quitter and try to think where there's life there's hope. although i would give anything but my soul to never have experienced this crap and to be well. i try to keep in mind that nothing goes on forever in this world and when it's over for me i will hope to be in green pastures in a better place.
in the meantime ya gotta keep trucking even if all the tires are flat and you're running out of gas. on a bumpy rough road. and ya hate the ride.
Yes dear blossom, in our mind we want to do what's good, but unfortunately this flesh only does the opposite. It's humanly...I know what i do is wrong but i still do it anyway, i can't help it, but afterwards i realize my mistakes n ask God for His forgiveness... Before, i asked forgiveness from everyone i had done wrongly even to God and wishing a healing miracle to happen... but now i ask in my prayers the strength in order to finish every activities in that day, His mercy for me, and His will n not mine, that'll be done in my life. I hold on to His promises to keep me going.blossom wrote:i've experienced every emotion in the books. still am. i used to say my prayers once a day but since this mess started i pray all day long. unfortunatly i am very guilty of praying in one breath and curseing in the other at times. but, these curse words are all man made although some can get offended i make sure i don't take the lords name in vain. i'm not too worried about what others think as long as in my heart i'm doing unto others as i want them to do unto me.
There's a saying : We don't know how strong we are, until being strong is the only choice we have.
Well, i had pleaded to God so i can bail out of this disease. I said i'm not a strong person, i can't take this anymore, all the humilities this illness brings into my life. When the pride of being a very independent person was taken away, i pleaded to God, please take me home with U, i don't want to live like this anymore, i don't want to be a burden for my family... O Lord please ended my sufferings, i won't ask for anything else, just let me die instead. But He said, He will not bring me into temptation or trial beyond my strength or my power to endure it and He promises to provide me a way out so i may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently.
And now, i'm still going through, but not by my own power. I pray so my life could be a blessing for others and i'm not living for my ownself anymore. I try to help myself by helping others who have the same problem like me, for now i know how is it like to be in their shoes.
So, don't forget to count our blessings everyday, but also it will be even better if we can be a blessing for others too.
PS: Don't keep bitterness in our hearts, let it go, forgive n forget n let's move on with our lives.
We had been forgiven, so let's forgive others too.
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