Having issues with girlfriend who has MS

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Having issues with girlfriend who has MS

Post by gossimer23 » Tue May 14, 2013 6:45 pm

hello. i started dating my girlfriend who has ms about a year ago but recently i have been having issues with her. she is constantly saying how i do not help her with her daily chores, yet she seems to forget that i do help her plenty. i have learned that memory is an issue with ms, but my girl friend seems to only remember times i tell her i am too busy to help her at the time she asks me for help. my girlfriend seems to forget or neglect all the other times i have gone out of my way and even her family says that i do go out of my way for her.

referring to my girlfriends condition she is on gilenya and thankfully it has prevented her from having ms attacks. she is able to walk, dress herself, shower, do her hair and makeup, do laundry (not huge loads though). she even can do ballet. i always tell her to be thankful that she is able to do such things because there are many with ms that can't.

my girlfriend does suffer from depression (which is a symptom) and anxiety. she is on antidepressants and sees a psychologist. i have even started going to a psychologist to try to be as patient and understanding as possible so i can deal with the relationship better.

what has me concerned is her psychological state because any event that be adverse will cause her to start crying and she will say how ms has limited her abilities. i try to tell her its ok don't let it affect her. an example of this was when we went to vegas and she got tired of walking. i know long walks can be brutal for ms so i tell her lets sit down and rest. yet her mood will stayed bad the whole time.

i truly love her, yet the more and more i see her complain about me and see her unhappy the harder it is for me. i know this sounds selfish, but i end up feeling stressed out when she is in a negative mood.

perhaps i need some perspective from this community?

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Re: Having issues with girlfriend who has MS

Post by DougL » Wed May 15, 2013 3:52 am

gossimer23 wrote:i always tell her to be thankful that she is able to do such things because there are many with ms that can't.
hi gossimer. welcome to TIMS.

the quote from you above is not the best (in my opinion). when I first joined the world of MS, I found this list of MS Do's and Don'ts.

Don't assume that because I look well, I feel well.

Don't say, "I know how you feel.'

Don't tell me about someone else and how well they coped. I'm doing the best I can.

Don't tell me, "It could be worse" I don't need reminding

Don't decide what I am capable of doing. Allow me to make those decisions.

Don't be upset that you cannot ease my problems. It won't do any good for both of us to be miserable.

Don't ask me how I feel unless you really want to know.

Don't assume that because I did a certain activity yesterday, I can do it today.

Don't tell me about the latest fad cure.

Do realize that I am angry and frustrated with the disease, not with you.

Do let me know you are available to help me when I ask.

Do offer me lots of encouragement.

Do understand why I cancel plans at the last minute. I never know from one day to the next how I will feel.

Do continue to invite me to activities. Just because I'm not able to ride bike along with the gang, doesn't mean I can't join you for the picnic at the end of the trail. Please let me decide.

This list was the single most important thing i got from MS websites. when I showed my wife she was thrilled. she had MS for over 20 years and no one "got it" till i showed her that list.

i commend you for what you are doing. your girlfriend is very lucky to have you.

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Re: Having issues with girlfriend who has MS

Post by jimmylegs » Wed May 15, 2013 4:40 am

hi goss my antennae fired when you mentioned ballet. I would have a serious look at athletic nutrient depletion. there are a group of nutrients that are characteristically suboptimal in ms and that would be affected by athletic exertion. these nutrients can affect fatigue level, cognitive function and emotional state. symptoms can vary widely from individual to individual but blood levels can tell the tale in a consistent way.

linking you up to two posts I put together for a ballerina who was here a couple months ago

http://www.thisisms.com/forum/introduct ... ml#p206052

http://www.thisisms.com/forum/introduct ... ml#p206055

take control of your own health.
pursue optimal self care, with or without a diagnosis.

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