I need urgent help. I am considering suicide.

[Phoenix1991]

I'm a 23 year old male. After a rough couple of years I finally stabilized this summer and started to feel better about myself. I l started to fast and lost like 25 pounds in September. That's when I started to notice my left foot was falling asleep very easily, I also had a slight lhermittes. Also weird,feelings like burning in my back and my hand. Sometimes I would have to put my hand on the stoop handle outside the door to cool it down. I wasnt worrying too much because the lhermittes was barely noticeable. Then I noticed my leg up to my knee felt way worse and numb in the shower or when I was in an 80 degree heated room. Then I started worrying. I began to become insane once I started having trouble peeing. Now it feels like my left leg is weaker than my right. I had a cspine come back negative but my brain Mri showed a small foci in my corona radiata. Blood work was clean. Listen, I could live with Rrms, but I don't feel like I ever had a relapse. Everything points to ppms. The lesion was nonenhancing. I Am not a brave person. I could not live in a wheelchair the rest of my life. I want to die. I've been in my bed googling ppms for days on end and it seems exactly like what I have. I feel like my life is over

[Scott1]

Ok, we hear you. All of us do a bit of self diagnosis here. I have had diagnosed MS for over 20 years which includes a long period where I did very well and a recent attack that landed me in hospital. Tell us a lot more about yourself. What specialists did you see, what did they say? What other symptoms do you have?
There's a lot of stuff to read in here and a massive amount of "hands on" experience.
You can read what I think and my history at these posts - http://www.thisisms.com/forum/regimens- ... 24019.html and http://www.thisisms.com/forum/regimens- ... c6304.html

I'm more than twice your age but have lived with symptoms of MS since I was a boy. It can get you down. I doubt you would take medical advice from a doctor your own age because you would want someone with more experience. Don't treat yourself like you are that doctor. Tell us a lot more a we will share what we know with you. There are no stupid questions just stupid answers so ask away. Tell us your medical history not just where you are now. You'll end up with a lot of opinions to consider.
Regards

[cheerleader]

Phoenix---
My husband also thought he was progressive and all markers pointed to that...but he's eight years past MS diagnosis and doing really well. No progression, no wheelchair. He was really depressed when diagnosed, and very scared. But hind sight is 20/20. The odds are with you. Most people are RRMS, and most people with RRMS are still walking unassisted over 20 years past diagnosis.

Please don't do anything to harm yourself. My son is almost 20...if he was hurting, as you are, I'd sit him down and give him this advice.
1. Get off the internet and get out of bed. Google is not your friend right now. You need people.
2. Call your friends and family, and tell them how you feel. Please talk.
3. Get outside and feel the sun on your face.
4. Do something you love-- music, a hobby, go to a concert, a gallery, a park
5. Move, as best you can. Any form of exercise--swimming, walking, biking, going to the gym--will boost endorphins and get the blood flowing.
6. Eat well. Whole foods, fruits and vegetables and organic meats and fish. No more fasting. No processed foods. Your body may well be depleted of nutrients--and you need some good, real food.

you are not alone.
cheer

[Youarethecure]

Dood, come on man. You haven't even started yet and you are going to give in already?

I am 25 years old and male, my brain is full of lesions. I know how you feel and how scary this can be.

What is ending your life going to do for you? For your family? for your mother man. This is about more than just you. Don't destroy other peoples lives because you cant deal with something the proper way.

This should make you stronger and better than you ever have been. Don't take the easy weak way out.

Hang in there bro,

Chris

[Youarethecure]

Wait so you had a rough couple of years but then got better? Symptom wise?

That points 100 percent towards rrms and not ppms. Maybe your just having another attack?

[jimmylegs]

phoenix welcome to the forum. i am glad you found us because you can probably tell, this forum about finding solutions. whether patients or caregivers we've all been to dark places. at one time i thought i my condition was going to kill me. eventually i learned i had done it to myself, and was able to take steps to turn it around. i too would like to hear a lot more about your background, and i second cheer's advice to eat well of diverse, nutrient-dense, healthy whole foods.

[1eye]

I lost a 30 year old friend to PPMS 42 years ago. I was diagnosed myself 17 years ago. Now SPMS. Used to walk, run, drive a car, play a mean guitar...

They told me in 1997 it would be cured in 5 years. I had been hearing that about cancer since 1965. Didn't hold my breath. Rebif 1998 to 2003. Avonex and Copaxone, then converted and they wouldn't give me any more DMDs. Mitoxantrone 2004, heart attack 2009. CCSVI 2010, stable since.

Lost another young friend to juvenile diabetes in about 2002.

Crappy world, isn't it? Bet you still have lots of reasons to live. Yesterday I wasn't so convinced, myself. Today it's a different story. I still have my family and a few good friends, so as long as that is the case, I have no right to complain. There are probably a few who would be devastated, some maybe permanently, to lose somebody like you. It may happen anyway, but don't be in a hurry. Life is short enough as it is. I still have my piano, and my recumbent tricycle.

"Keep passing the open windows." -- John Irving, The Hotel New Hampshire, 1981

[David1949]

I've had PPMS for nearly 20 years. It started as numbness in my left thumb. Gradually it became worse so my doc sent me to a neurologist. He sent me for an MRI which came back with the little white spots on the brain. He said it was MS but we didn't know at that time it was PPMS. But I don't have relapses or remission so that rules out RRMS. And I never had relapses or remissions so that rules out SPMS. That leaves PPMS as the only possibility. Anyway I'm 65 now and I still get around with a cane and a foot brace. I have a wonderful wife, two beautiful daughters and 5 grandkids I love. Life is good.

So don't give up now. Yes MS is scary but you may have many good years left. And who knows, maybe one day there will be a cure.
If things get really bad you can do yourself in at that time. But enjoy the life you have now and don't worry about what might happen in the future. Do the best you can to stay in good shape; healthy diet and exercise.

Best wishes to you.

BTW Heat is not good for People with MS, regardless of what type you have. Turn the temperature down in the shower and in your room. 80 degrees is too hot for most of us. It will make your symptoms worse and may make you feel very weak.

[NHE]

Phoenix,
Unless you've earned the ability to put the initials MD after your name, then it would be unfortunate for you to diagnose yourself into a coffin. Go to a doctor. Let them figure out what's wrong with you. Lastly, and not in any way to make light of your situation, go outside and go for a walk. It will do wonders for you.

[hargarah]

Grow some BALLS. I have had MS for 20 Years + and I fight everyday. Be a MAN...not going to give you some stupid "loving and kind" reply!!!!

[Youarethecure]

right on hargarah. I didn't want to be that guy... but for real. I have lost a few too many to suicide. It is easy for them, but it destroys the lives of other people.

[daverestonvirginia]

You have to seek help right now. You need to find a doctor who can help you. If you are thinking you want to die, you are already not thinking right. I know I have been there, it took my wife getting help for me to save my life. You can not do it yourself. It was five years ago for me and I am doing great now.

[1eye]

Aside from the ethics, be advised that an extremely common symptom of MS is clinical depression. That's how it becomes, all-too-often, a fatal condition.

I was in an MS support group that could not offer each other much support, because 100% of the members, including myself, were clinically depressed. A group like that needs a facilitator who is mentally healthy!

[Ella]

Hi Phoenix. How are you feeling today?

Just wanted to let you know that like you, I have a very analytical mind. Combine that with the fact that my doctors have been extremely incompetent, I am also very actively involved in my own diagnosis. If you're going to see a neuro for a possibility of MS you should also look into the possibility of having either Chlamydia Pneumoniae which is a respiratory infection or Lyme disease. Both of these diseases effect the brain and nervous system and lead to a potential mis diagnosis. There has been hundreds of scientific studies that showed people who were diagnosed with MS also had one of these two infections. Was it a misdiagnosis or did one lead to the other? I don't know but although it has not been commonly accepted in the medical community the scientific evidence indicates that it's worth pursuing. You're lucky that you don't have the official MS diagnosis yet because once you're labeled doctors become very closed minded to other possibilities. You need to see an Infectious Disease specialist for these two infections. Just so you know you could have the infection but not have the typical symptom like the cough and fever, or the rash in the case of Lyme.

How long have you had symptoms? If it's just a few months you should get a serology test and look for IgA and IgM levels. If it's longer than that you need IgM levels. Hopefully they will also try to culture the bacteria for a definitive answer. On the other hand, you're a google man. You will find all this info when you feel it's necessary. Good luck Phoenix. And don't give up. There is a reason you were placed on this earth. Find out what that Purpose was.

[eric593]

You want to give in because of what soimething "might" be like, without ever giving yourself a chance to know what it IS like or test your own strengths? We'd all be gone if we wrote ourselves off before finding out what life IS like, because life is difficult at times for everyone. And what it looks like on paper may be a lot worse than the lived experience.

So, how about giving yourself a chance? Yes, depression can be a part of MS and there are treatments for it. MS research is moving swiftly, so you never know when the outlook for those with MS will change. Many with MS have a mild course too - what if that would have been you except that you already checked out just at the "thought" of MS? What if you could have lived an excellent life WITH MS but you never gave yourself a chance? What if you're stronger and more adaptable than you think?

Give yourself a chance, man. You never know what your future holds and your vision of it may be far worse than the reality. You always hold the option, but please give your life a chance to play out a bit before writing it off!