Punnology...

A board where people can laugh about their day to day experiences with MS, to combat some of the stress that goes with this illness.
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NHE
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Punnology...

Post by NHE »

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro — what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

There’s a thin line that separates fishing from standing on the shore like an idiot.


:roll: :D :roll: :D :roll:
Brenda123
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Re: Punnology...

Post by Brenda123 »

LOL Thanks!!!!! :lol:
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CuriousRobot
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Re: Punnology...

Post by CuriousRobot »

Spit coffee at my keyboard @ Moses and tea.
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NHE
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Re: Punnology...

Post by NHE »

Still more...

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron' The other asks 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

27. It might just be me, but circles seem so pointless.
ArthurJ
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Re: Punnology...

Post by ArthurJ »

The golfer brought an extra pair of pants to the tournament in case he got a hole in one.

Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at!
ArthurJ
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Re: Punnology...

Post by ArthurJ »

The Balloon family name died off when it ran out of heir.

I can’t believe I was fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard. I just picked it up as I went along.
ArthurJ
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Re: Punnology...

Post by ArthurJ »

I collect candy canes. They’re all in mint condition.

I don’t trust stairs because they’re always getting up to something.

I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself, “That’s the last thing I need.”

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing; they just waved.

The Harley-Davidson that drove all over the highway was a road hog.

The baseball MVP’s agent secured a better contract by playing hardball.
ArthurJ
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Re: Punnology...

Post by ArthurJ »

After laying eggs for years, the hen was getting ready to retire since she was no spring chicken.

When the expedition reached the North Pole everyone was excited and on top of the world.

The conceited archer who thought he was better than everyone else was arrow-gant.

For Isaac Singer, getting into the sewing machine business seamed possible.

Dracula went to his family reunion and was surrounded by his blood relatives.

The cockroach gave the termite mint flavored toothpicks and they became pest friends.

After a day’s travel to the small lodging business, the weary couple were staying inn for the night.

After flunking his algebra test, the student worried about the aftermath.

When the wedding cake set a Guinness World Record, it was history in the baking.
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