Caring for my RRMS fiancee : challenges

[Zodiac]

Greetings,

My fiancee of 3 years has blocked me out and pushed me away, due to stress from arguing over the course of the past year.

She was diagnosed with MS over 10 years ago. It went into remission after a hard 9 months. We have been together since 2009 and have been deeply in love nearly from day 1. MS resurfaced in late Summer of 2012, after putting in a notice at a stressful hospital job and getting a better job closer to home. She was unable to start her new job due to intense nerve pain in her neck just a day before she was to start. She was suddenly umemployed and uninsured. All of the progress she had made was pulled out from under her. I went from working 45 hours per week at work to working 60-70 hours a week in order to help cover her expenses and keep from being broke. I did it gladly, because I love her. She actively pursued the holistic approach and any time she wanted to try a new supplement, vitamins, an herbal treatment or anything I got it for her. I brought her fresh flowers weekly and really tried to be there as completely as I could. Months rolled on and I was getting burned out at work. I tried to find "me time" for personal interests but time wasnt there. I didnt fet much good rest. I stayed awake all day Saturdays (I work nights) in irder to be on her schedule on weekends. We started arguing over money and priorities, this and that and we got off course. I admittedly did not put the tike into fully understabding MS. I know a good bit, but she wanted me to be more engulfed with it every day and it was hard with thehours I worked. She didnt seem to have a problem with the hours I worked for a while but eventually she chastised me for working as much as I did, but I was just trying to keep from being broke and trying to tend to everything : Her, her two boys and me. Neither boy has a father and neither social security nor child support is available for either so every expense literally came out of my pocket for 2 years. I spread myself so thin that I became neglectful in some ways and it hurts because I love her so much and she has now shut me out and pushed me away and I have no idea how she is caring for herself. I pushed for her to get foodstamps and to get her student loans deferred so that I could work less (took 55 hours a week just to break even on the bills) but I pushed too hard and pushed her away.

We've had some really high highs but this is low, low. She and the boys are my life and she hasnt seen me in nearly two months, in.an effort for peace and the ability to heal herself with less stress. I just dont know how she is doing it with very little money.

She said that a high percentage of partners leave their partner with MS because of some of the stresses, but i never saw that as an option. I have been committed to her 110% I just wore myself out and didnt prioritize properly, by just settling for less money. I was trying to change that by lobbying for the food stamps and student loan deferment but that didnt fly. She said I made too much money to get foid stamps but we are nit married and I do not live in ger home so I dont get it. She also said there was a complication due to her being a home owner, byt I have family in similar curcumstances (single mothers, unemployed, home owners that get food stamps)

I feel aweful, but I wanted to share an abbreviation of my story for all of those out there that love their significant other with MS and plan to be there for the long haul. Dont let yourself get too stressed and trip over your own feet like I have. Dont miss the signs. Be willing to let some things go in order to be there for your partner. You have got to put his/her interests ahead if your own more often than not. You have to be there for them physically and emotionally 100% and be involved. They need you to participate and maintain a positive attitude.

[Youarethecure]

Best of luck. Dont push on her too hard but let her know you are there when she needs it.

The struggle is real, and one I DONT want to put some1 through. its one thing if you get married or serious with some1 then get diagnosed. But in my situation (single 25 year old male) not sure if I will ever want to put some1 through this......

[Zodiac]

Thanks,

I have been sending her flowers weekly and encouraging emails.

She never really seemed concerned with putting this on me. She just wanted me to take on a more active role in helping her. I worked so much during the week I just counted on her to keep me updated on her condition and her daily/weekly needs. I asked questions and have been genuinely concerned, but feel terrible now because she felt like I left her there to deal with it alone and I didnt realize I came across that way or that she felt that way all this time.

I have told her that I am committed to cutting my hours way down and even dramatically altering my life in order to be there for her but she is still being distant as of now....