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Am 25 and really want to get married

Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 1:47 pm
by Smitha
My boy friend and I had decided to get married when I got my diagnosis ( 3 weeks back). I do want to get married, but if there are married people out there with MS, could you tell me if it is a good idea for the spouse?

I do not want him to end up living a care giver's life and I do want him to have a fun life. We had made plans of trekking all our lives which doesn't seem to be a possibility with my constant imbalance and weakness. But he doesn't want to hear about any reasons i give and wants to go ahead with the wedding.

We also wanted to adopt a child sometime in the next 3 years, but I am worried if I will be able to be a good parent. I say this as I have read that most people with MS are disabled or need a wheelchair within 10 years of diagnosis. And, I am not sure that is fair to any child. I do want to run around with my kids. I am very confused.

Thanks in advance for all your replies ... and good luck to evryone

Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:43 pm
by carolew
I have had ms for 30 years, had 3 kids and am still working full time. No one can tell you what your future will be like so...stay positive. If your partner is willing to take a risk with you, then go for it and attack each problem as they come along. Good luck. Carole

Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 4:12 pm
by Smitha
Carole... Thank you very much for your response. Am very happy to know you have had a good life. I wish that never changes.

Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:59 am
by fishee2
Hi there,

I am 24, was married summer 2008, have had MS for ~5 years or so. Also my wife and I just had our first child one month ago. Honestly if I didn't tell you I had MS you would never know, I am on Rebif for treatment, and show no visible symptoms from the drug or from the MS. The only real symptom I have ever had is fatigue, but nothing that would stop me from doing daily activities.

There is no reason to think you should not get married based soley on the fact that you have MS. You can still live a full/fun life. As I am sure you've heard MS is different for everyone, so theres no telling if you would need a wheelchair someday, so certainly dont think that is a guarantee for your future.

Honestly if you two love each other then keep your plans, you won't regret it. Just remember to stay positive, they are making advancements in treatments/possible cures every day, its only a matter of time!

I hope this eases your mind somewhat, dont give up on life, you've still got a lot of life left!

Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 7:03 am
by Smitha
Thank you very much for your reply. First of all congratulations on the baby !!
It is definitely a good feeling to know that disability is not a definite prognosis, and i will keep my fingers crossed for my future.

Good luck to you too

Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:29 am
by hlm286
I'm 24, married 3 years and have a beautful 19 month old little girl. Although I'm newly diagnosed, I strongly believe that you don't give up on your dreams just because something is wrong with you. What kind of life would that be if you gave up on love and your chance for a family? Those are the things that make life worth living! And your partner sounds like a great person to want to support you and marry you, he obviously loves you very much, don't miss out on that. You deserve to live a life full of love and happiness and if your partner is willing to share that with you, please don't turn it down! No one knows what will happen in life, you could get hit buy a bus, get in an accident, get a fatal illness, etc etc, there are still a lot worse things out there and you're not guaranteed anything in life so my motto is to take one day at a time and try your best to be positive and happy. A positive attitude really can make a world of difference, and altough it can be easier said than done, worrying or being pessimistic we know doesn't change anything and can actually make things worse. Also, from what I've been learning, I think that the hope for MS is getting greater and greater, there are medicines out now that may help, studies and research on diet and lifestyle, etc that may help and people out there working very hard for a cure. Keep in mind, many of the statistics you hear (like being in a wheelchair in 10 years) were gathered based on people with MS before there were medications available (or they may have already been suffering from it for years before the medicines came out). I think the future for people living with MS is bright and you have to maintain hope. Educate yourself on MS, try to be healthy and have a positive attitude and you can even better increase your chances on living a wonderful life. Please don't give up hope. :)

Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:36 am
by Smitha

Thank you very much for your response. Yes, I shall keep a positive view of things and will not give up my chance on a wonderful family.
I have registered with the national MS society to educate myself with the latest trends and treatments, and am actually looking forward to my life ahead.

Thank you very much and have fun with your daughter!!

Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 9:01 am
by hlm286

I was just wondering how your doing now? Are you feeling better and more optimistic? I hope you keep a positive outlook :)

Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 9:05 am
by Smitha

Yes I am feeling a lot better. I was more worried about what choices I should make for the future than my illness by itself. Now like you said, I will just be taking things as they come by and not worry too much. I am not so confused anymore, and to tell you the truth MS has not affected my lifestyle much and I tend to even forget I have it a lot of times.

I guess I am going to be fine after all :) I will try my best.

Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2009 11:09 am
by hlm286
Well that's good to hear! I'm happy for you and hope you have a wonderful life with your partner, I'm sure you will. :)