Need some feedback
Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 7:26 am
Hi to all - hope to not make this too long - so much on my mind 24/7.
WM 47 dx in mid July - Rebif suggested - and I got going ASAP. Starting week 6 - finished titration - no HUGE side effects so far. Shots seem easy so far. Adjusting meds and timing. May have been having a symptom or two off and on for a few years. Last two years were real stressors - more consistent symptoms bugging me last 12 months. Finally broke down and saw my PC in May after school was done - first time in 3 years. First thing was BP - addressed immediately. Some symptoms persisted so an immediate referral down the hall to neuro.
MRI LP and my overall presentation confirm MS. The list I took in now reads to me like a MS checklist - all tests done to exclude other things. He treats a lot of MS and I think he is on the level with me. Asked about end stage and he was completely honest - scary as hell! Says that stage is rarely the case and that we are just at the start of this - but I do read heartbreaking accounts. My age, gender, time to DX from first minor symptoms - all combine to give me a rather gloomy outlook on this.
Nobody has answers for sure but would like to hear from others. I know Rebif doesnt fix or stop the MS. Also zero to six significant meds in the last 2 months - contributes to some of this mental stuff. Would love to hear from anybody - especially similar circumstances - what do I do now that I am doing all asked by Drs? Week to week is hard when day to day is so consumed. I go to bed with some hope for a decent day and wake up - when I can sleep - with tremendous apprehension - fear - worry.
I live alone - pros and cons - but I do want to live. I am so consumed with the worst case scenario - I DONT WANT TO CRASH IN FRONT OF MY FATHER. I also want to do well for ME. So here I am asking other Rebif people for advice/feedback. I feel worse than I function by a long shot - many things to be thankful for. Job, Ins, little appt and a nice cat. Dad is supportive - 500 miles away and 76. He has had enough to deal with in his life without me raining on his parade. I wonder if DX stress/worry havent made some things stick out at me more. I knew I was tired - but understanding clinical fatigue certainly brings it to the front. And - I am wiped out - maybe adjusting to all the meds. But I feel weaker in my core - could also be the time sitting around. Trying to save all I have to be awake and human teaching classes. Caught somewhere between passing out and not being able to sleep. Adjusting timing of Rebif to AM while keeping Provigil and Temapazam more separated. Havent been hungry in two months - but I had some extra on me.
At worst - I cant do anything about the course that is marked for me. The fast crash is a real worry. At best I can adjust the curve of the disease - if I got there in time and I am one of the folks Rebif helps.
Getting through the next days, weeks, is going to be something - I hope to figure it out and do the best I can.
So - it was TOO long and maybe this is more emotionally charged than comportable for this group. If so I apologize - but any feedback or advice would be appreciated. I am committed to trying the Rebif - and I know it has barely gotten into my system and that feeling better involves healing. That doesnt come from Rebif. Very happy with the service from Pharmacy and MSLifelines folks - hoping the therapy is somewhere near as effective - if I got there in time...
Jim
WM 47 dx in mid July - Rebif suggested - and I got going ASAP. Starting week 6 - finished titration - no HUGE side effects so far. Shots seem easy so far. Adjusting meds and timing. May have been having a symptom or two off and on for a few years. Last two years were real stressors - more consistent symptoms bugging me last 12 months. Finally broke down and saw my PC in May after school was done - first time in 3 years. First thing was BP - addressed immediately. Some symptoms persisted so an immediate referral down the hall to neuro.
MRI LP and my overall presentation confirm MS. The list I took in now reads to me like a MS checklist - all tests done to exclude other things. He treats a lot of MS and I think he is on the level with me. Asked about end stage and he was completely honest - scary as hell! Says that stage is rarely the case and that we are just at the start of this - but I do read heartbreaking accounts. My age, gender, time to DX from first minor symptoms - all combine to give me a rather gloomy outlook on this.
Nobody has answers for sure but would like to hear from others. I know Rebif doesnt fix or stop the MS. Also zero to six significant meds in the last 2 months - contributes to some of this mental stuff. Would love to hear from anybody - especially similar circumstances - what do I do now that I am doing all asked by Drs? Week to week is hard when day to day is so consumed. I go to bed with some hope for a decent day and wake up - when I can sleep - with tremendous apprehension - fear - worry.
I live alone - pros and cons - but I do want to live. I am so consumed with the worst case scenario - I DONT WANT TO CRASH IN FRONT OF MY FATHER. I also want to do well for ME. So here I am asking other Rebif people for advice/feedback. I feel worse than I function by a long shot - many things to be thankful for. Job, Ins, little appt and a nice cat. Dad is supportive - 500 miles away and 76. He has had enough to deal with in his life without me raining on his parade. I wonder if DX stress/worry havent made some things stick out at me more. I knew I was tired - but understanding clinical fatigue certainly brings it to the front. And - I am wiped out - maybe adjusting to all the meds. But I feel weaker in my core - could also be the time sitting around. Trying to save all I have to be awake and human teaching classes. Caught somewhere between passing out and not being able to sleep. Adjusting timing of Rebif to AM while keeping Provigil and Temapazam more separated. Havent been hungry in two months - but I had some extra on me.
At worst - I cant do anything about the course that is marked for me. The fast crash is a real worry. At best I can adjust the curve of the disease - if I got there in time and I am one of the folks Rebif helps.
Getting through the next days, weeks, is going to be something - I hope to figure it out and do the best I can.
So - it was TOO long and maybe this is more emotionally charged than comportable for this group. If so I apologize - but any feedback or advice would be appreciated. I am committed to trying the Rebif - and I know it has barely gotten into my system and that feeling better involves healing. That doesnt come from Rebif. Very happy with the service from Pharmacy and MSLifelines folks - hoping the therapy is somewhere near as effective - if I got there in time...
Jim