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Hi everyone I am 22 and was diagnosed back in July. I have only had one relapse but still deal with related issues due to the damage of my MS (mostly a very mild spasmodic dysphonia -spasming of vocal chords sometimes, sexual dysfunction and bladder issues). I am currently thinking very hard, which is something I do way too much of. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years and first off I need to say that he is one of the most loving people I have known and treats me better than any other boyfriend I have had in the past. He was there for me when I got my diagnosis, knows about the complications that come with my ms (even though they are embarrassing)but doesn't make me feel like less of a person and cheers me up about it. I spend so much of my time with him and he is the closest friend I have. Now here is the issue...although I love him so much, part of me feels like I have lost almost all sexual attraction to him. I know I still love him because I still crave snuggling with him and doing fun activities with him. But, I don't think of him as sexy or even find myself fantasizing about other guys. I AM BY NO MEANS PROUD OF THIS OR THESE THOUGHTS. I know that I have always been a bit off sexually - sex doesn't exactly usually feel good for me. But with guys in the past and even at the very beginning of his and my relationship I used to orgasm and enjoy it. But I've realized recently that even kissing him sometimes is not enjoyable, and sex is almost bothersome. Partially I attribute my feelings to his younger looks- he is scrawny and has a young face, when we started dating I found it more attractive at my age but as I have grown and developed I think my brain is seeing him differently. Making things even more complicated, we live together and have a lot of the same friends. I know I am the only one that can make the right choice, but I was hopin for some advice. Yes - I love him and have never been treated with so much respect and understanding. But do I stay with someone I am not attracted to whilst I have lustful thoughts of other men (again, I'm not proud)? It scares me because I don't know what the right decision is. I would also like to add that in the past (on more than one occasion) I have tried to break up with him and have even told him the attraction wasn't there for me anymore and we would always fight. So, he knows partially how I feel but being where we are...I don't even know how to tell him? Let alone what the right decision is - for me to stay, comfortable with someone I have grown to have affection for and treats me right...or leave for an unknown future, potentially finding someone who can love me the same and have there be mutual attraction. I would like to note (please don't take this as being stuck up or narrsasistic) that I am no super model, but I have been told many times that he looks too young for me and that I am out of his league - not trying to sound like a botch but want to give a clear picture. So, advice?!

I am almost 50 so I think it is safe to say I have a little more experience in the ol' relationship department. You are young. Period. Not trying to be a Richard, just sayin'. You asked for advice so here it is; break up with him. Now. You will only make each other miserable the longer you drag this out. Frankly, this has less to do with your MS than you being at an age where your eye is going to wander. That isn't etched in stone, I married young, I was 19, she was 18, and we were together for 10 years, happy the first 9. Just bear in mind; a good, loving partner is VERY difficult to find, especially with a debilitating disease. Sorry, just being brutally honest. Men are pigs at your age. But it seems the best thing you could do for BOTH of you is just end it NOW. Hope this helps.

Hi,

Well, here's another old man (58) giving an opinion to a young girl.

You have two things happening here, the challenges of MS and the challenges of a relationship. They can intertwine but they are still two distinct issues.

Whether you are sick or not, your life will be about who you share it with. Some friendships are superficial and some go right to the core of you. In either case you cannot tell how long they will last.

How you look, how you behave and sometimes even the life you lead are not always about who you are. The real you is often hidden and rarely comes out.
Before you look at how other people see you or what you want from them spend some time getting to know who you are.

Some people spend their lives running away from their childhood and can't escape it and some endlessly look for a way back to it but can't find it. Their problem is really to do with how well they know themselves.

Committing to a life choice without understanding yourself ultimately will be a road to problems. Work out what you like and what you don't. You will never change other people but you can hurt them by misleading them and that will rebound on you.

MS at your age will be something to come to terms with but hopefully it won't define you. You are defining your boyfriend by how he looks, how he behaves and how he compares to others.

When you are stripped of all your confidence, can see no way ahead and the night has closed around you is he the one you hope will be there? Is that how you want him to see you? If not then you are just in love with being in love and that wont last. If it is what you want then let him know who you are so he is also free to choose.

Regards,