This Is MS Multiple Sclerosis Knowledge & Support Community

Hi there,

I am writing on behalf of a friend with MS. It's a challenging story to talk about, so I totally understand it may be a personally triggering story to hear, and support you if you choose to stop reading. For those who continue to read, I am open to any advice, including sort of those "first steps" or key strategies you think might actually make a difference or stick.

This is the second time my friend has gone into a severe depression, months long, in which she is not taking care of herself (eating on her own, or showering) or leaving the house. The first time, we ended up doing an intervention which led to her choosing to enter a rehabilitative facility for a month. She exited the facility angry with all of us, but also walking, eating, talking, planning, back to work, and a bit manic. This lasted about two years or so. The anger abated, as did the manic-ness somewhat, and relationships were mended - but with the onset of the pandemic a year ago, her MS symptoms flared, and it has been a slide down towards depression, and here we are again. There is a lot of research about the correlation between MS and mood diagnoses, and I imagine some folks here have some good insight.

I am not totally sure what, if any, MS medication she is taking, because she also distrusts Western Medicine and has gone on and off of hers. She has a partner, but he is completely burned out, and like most of us, doesn't know what else to do. In the past, we tried going on short walks, watching funny home videos, sending voice messages, etc. etc., but while perhaps it gave her some solace, it didn't ever seem to turn the tide.

So I'm reaching out. Her partner is taking her to an appointment with the cardiologist, and hopefully the neurologist soon. But I would love to hear from you - what have been key strategies in your life or the life of those with MS you know to navigate mental health issues? Thank you in advance.

Truly - D

hi dl, great that you are here on your friend's behalf. i don't know if anything that i could relay will be of any interest (being definitely self-care or energized caregiver oriented, i would say), but fwiw:
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Hi,
It's a wonderful thing to have friends who care. It can't be easy on any of you. Does your friend display a physical disability ?
Not everything your friend is going through may be MS related but MS doesn't help.
Purely from my own experience, I can become short with people who mean well but try to justify their concern by "putting words in my mouth" or by interrogating me for answers about MS. It is a fine line.
Anger is not the same as depression. Anger can be frustration.

Regards,

Hello D

It is nice that you are concerned enought to find us and write to ask.

An MS diagnosis is a dream stealer. All your future hopes and dreams have no foundation any longer. And I can imagine that with any type of physical loss there will be grief - the loss of what she could do before, but can now only watch others do. That's painful so I get why she might be withdrawn. What she is likely to be feeling is grief. If you koow any experts on this subject it might be worth asking them.

All I can say is that I hope you can see that it is someone grieving, and angry at the injustice of life. In time she might get herself mentally strong enough to try and take control - diet, exercise, medications that are offered. We are all so different, it is difficult to know how she might want to handle it.

The day I was diagnosed my old doc told me to do whatever I wanted to in life, to not put anything on ice. She was right. A couple of years ago my best friend asked me what's on my bucket list.

It took me a few years to get over the shock. So give her time.

I wish I knew what to say that felt remotely helpful. Being her friend matters to her although she might not show that at the moment.

Wishing you and your friend all the best

J

This is a tough one, but there are things to look at: low magnesium and low vitamin D can amplify depression. In addition these two nutrients are vital for MS patients. Other things to consider - social contact, exercise of any kind and being outdoors.