AnnaP wrote:I am 43 and have MS since 1987. I forgot what's it's like to be "normal" ... I'm tired, very tired. I want to be free and enjoy life...
I see the same light at the end of the same tunnel.
Sorry to chop your post up a bit, I was trying to keep it relevant - I'm a man, no drugs...
I got a little snicker (from myself) when you wrote that you were 43, CCSVI/MS since '87 - I am 47, CCSVI/MS since '93 (actually, I was 48 just before X-Mas). You might need a glass of wine to understand that. Anyhow, that is more than half your life with CCSVI/MS! And you have kids... Wow. You deserve a medal. So do those that have been languishing for 30, 35 years, and those that have succumbed. (those that have had it for 6 months do too! There is no hierarchy to feeling like old porridge...)
I have been "lamenting" that 1/3 of my life has been this... None-the-less, I have often thought (and said) that it was a "gift" to me. I am not masochistic or anything, but although it has made my life very (insert what you like here), it has also enabled me to see things in a different way, to change direction, to pursue everything that I was waiting to do until "later" (except, get my pilot's license - which I will now do after liberation), and so much more. It would have been more gracious and acceptable if it was just a few years, but I was just recently starting to accept continued degeneration, until the end. Now I feel (almost) that I am 25 again, with my whole life before me. I feel that I have a lot to carry me forward now, and have thought that everyone should have MS for just a year, or two - but without the knowledge of possible relief. I think that everyone would be more light-hearted, and there would be more harmony in the world.
You are still young (hey, everything is relative!), and I hope, will experience all of the small joys in ways that most do not, for many years to come. I too, have forgotten what it is like to feel "normal", but unlike the lucky Italian fellow in the W5 piece, who forgets what it is like to have MS, I will never forget, and I hope that my every day will be filled with the exuberance of feeling like me again. This hell will be over soon, for all of us.
Pardon me the babble.
My name is not really Johnson. MSed up since 1993